Popular and hilarious TV show Curb Your Enthusiasm has had its reruns picked up by the TV Guide Network. According to NYDAILYnews.com, Leslie Furuta, a TV Guide network spokesperson, said, “‘Curb’ will be edited for our air to ensure that the content is appropriate for the mass audience.” Hopefully they think a mass audience can handle a painting of Jesus getting Larry’s urine on it, and his attempts to get a woman with cancer to break up with him, but I fear for the Curb reruns. Edited down television has a track record of losing what makes it rad in the first place, often to the point of becoming self-parody.
Anyone who has tried to watch Scarface on the USA Network knows exactly what I’m talking about. It’s a little hard to take Scarface seriously, after all, when he’s mowing down a bunch of FBI agents with a machine gun and screaming, “You Master Bakers better get the Funk out of my house! I swear to Meaty Flaky God!” As such, I implore the TV Guide Network to be sparing with its cuts. Point being, what kind of an America do we live in when a Wealthy, Upper Class White Male can’t even say what he has to say without being toned down? I mean these dudes pretty much own us, you’d think at least they would be allowed to say what they want, right? Here below is my nightmare scenario for an edited for TV Land scene on Curb Your Enthusiasm (The words that have been replaced are in bold):
Larry sits with Ted Danson at a fancy restaurant. They both are white, male and very successful, but still have to deal with stuff, just like everybody else.
Larry:
I wanna break up with her, but she has late-stage A HEAD COLD.
Ted Danson:
You can’t break up with someone with late-stage A HEAD COLD.
Larry:
That’s what I said! What am I gonna say? ‘Hey, I hope that chemotherapy’s helping your late-stage A HEAD COLD! By the way, I think we should see other people’?”
Ted Danson:
It’s indecent!
Larry:
I know!
Larry sneers, presumably at life in general.
Larry:
So Ted, I can’t believe you got a hand-SHAKE from Mark’s crazy sister.
Ted Danson:
I didn’t mean to. It’s just, one thing led to another, and she seemed so sad, I wanted to make her feel better. So I let her SHAKE my HAND.
Larry:
You don’t let someone SHAKE your FLEDGLING HAND just because they feel bad! There are rules for FLEDGE sakes!
Ted Danson:
I know, what am I gonna tell Mary?!
THE END
Fortunately, some things still reach their intended audience unedited, like the crazy misadventures in Katt William’s accidentally humorous life.
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