What’s the saddest thing you’ve ever seen? A child who’s just been told that there is no Santa, then hit with the pancakes you made him for breakfast? A child building a tiny house of Legos for his pet bird, when it’s attacked by a hawk? A crying Native American? Wrong. A bear without hair is the saddest thing.
Specifically, Dolores the bear. Granted, I’ve never seen a bear in the wild, only in captivity. For surely, if I saw a bear, I would wrestle it to the ground using my brute strength, then remove its hair to make a duvet. But I’m not the one removing the fur from the bears at the Leipzig zoo. Some mysterious evil force is doing that, that zoo-keepers can’t identify. (Voldermort.) So all the bears in the zoo have suddenly lost their hair. And the veterinarians aren’t sure what’s doing it, causing the public to go crazy looking at the sight of hairless bears. Personally, I think it’s weird when people stare at something just because it has lost its hair. I learned that lesson as a child with my Uncle Geoff. It’s not nearly as amusing for them as it is for you.
There’s one good part of this that we can all learn. And that is how much a bear looks like a gigantic inquisitive dog without fur. And wise. Just imagine Dolores with glasses.
That is it? that is your entire article?