Yikes! Look at that Tiny Bike!

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ve had it up to here with riding my giant original penny-farthing bike. I sure wish someone would take that design, shrink it, electrify it and make it a cool, foldable, portable mode of transport in a crowded city.

And while I’m crafting this wish list, let me also say that the bike should weigh about 21 pounds, reach a maximum speed of 12.5 miles an hour, support up to 220 pounds and take me as far as 6.25 miles before needing a recharge. It should also fit… oh, let’s say… anyone from 5′3″ to 6′5″ in height.

What’s that? They’ve already got something like that in the works in Europe?

Well… um… I, er…

I knew that.

Enter the Yike Bike. I’m a little torn on how to feel about this thing, really. It looks cool, but it seems too small to fit a regular human being. Like you robbed a toddler of his fancy new Big Wheel. The handlebars are on the back as well, so it’ll take some getting used to. I suppose as long as it doesn’t take on the dorky (but fun) stature of the segway, it’ll do just fine.

But it folds up. Look at the promotional video. It folds up into a little circle, and then you can put it in a bag, sling the bag over your shoulder and walk up into your apartment, content with your hip new transport toy.

Weird thing about that video: why are people just happily smiling at the Yiker as he rolls by? Everyone seems to be in some state of distress about their current modes of transportation, but then here comes Buddy on his Yike, and suddenly they all feel great about themselves. Your bike’s been stripped, lady! I’d love to see the real version of that, where she dropkicks him and makes off with his Yike.

But aside from the dropkicking, it’s nice to see a bike won’t get stolen, and –- if it catches on -– could reduce traffic congestion. It goes about as fast as you might travel on a regular bicycle, and while it isn’t good for long distances, it could make getting around in a big city a lot easier. Unless, of course, there’s no room on the crowded sidewalk or the clogged roadway for your tiny almost-bike.

Best of all, it uses no gas. This sucker’s electrical, but I would need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 gigawatts of electrici—hmm… got lost there for a sec. Never mind.

The Yike Bike should be available in mid-2010, so it’s still a ways away. The only thing you have to tolerate in the meantime are the semi-cornball slogans, including gems such as “I Park Where I Damn Well Yike,” and “I Yike Rush Hour.” Sigh. And you could have all this, plus a sense of grandeur greater than even the most pretentious fixed-gear biker, for the affordable price of… €3,300 to €3,900! What?! Guess you don’t actually need that extra $5,000 to $6,000 U.S. you must have, just burning a hole in your pocket. Didn’t you hear the recession is over? Now go buy a little foldable electric bike you probably don’t need, but really want because it’s kinda cool. Go on.