So you thought ice skating was just for little girls and whimsical New Yorkers? Well think again. It’s actually the sport of the most manly fucking people out there. Like, brutally manly people. Guys that eat a steak while punching suffragettes. Guys who ride fixed gear bikes up a mountain of beef jerky and stubble. These are the kinds of guys that fart fire and shit brimstone. They put lots of hot peppers on their pizza. They drink full calorie sodas. Yes, I’m running out of ideas.
Cough.
ANYWAY. But look out, world. Stephen Colbert — the popular late night tv host — is sponsoring the United States Speed Skating Team, after Netherlands-based bank DSB backed out. WHOOPS ON THEIR PART, INDEED. From the AP Wire:
“We must ensure that it is America’s 38-inch thighs on that medal platform!” Colbert exhorted.
Bob Crowley, executive director of US Speedskating, said Colbert “embracing the US Speedskating Team will provide immeasurable exposure for our sport and very talented athletes.”
The team has quite the track record, including 75 Olympic medals and such alumni as Dan Jansen, Bonnie Blair and Eric Heiden. It ranks as the most successful of any United States winter sports team.
Donations can be made via www.colbertnation.com or through US Speedskating’s site.
Comments
frere
November 4th, 2009 - 9:57:08 AM
speed skating has long been one of my favorite winter olympic sports -- glad to see it's in good hands