George Clooney Kills A Goat With His Mind
Respected actor and all around living-shrine-to-how-manhood-is-supposed-to-operate George Clooney is starring in a new movie, titled “The Men Who Stare At Goats”. In it he plays a dude in a secret division of the Army who can make a goat have a heart attack with his mind. It’s hard on all of us that we’re not George Clooney. This dude has a house on a lake in Italy, chicks the world over want to have sex with him, any woman who says she doesn’t want to have sex with him is turned over to the government and locked away in a secret prison, and a wisp of his gray hair can, when ingested, dramatically reduce the risks of several types of breast cancer. I basically look for one of three things in movies: a superhero, George Clooney, or someone having the ability to kill a goat with their mind. Two out of three ain’t bad. In celebration of George Clooney using psychic powers to make an animal’s heart stop, I have thusly created a list of the top five rad roles that I’d like to see rad actors in.
1. Morgan Freeman plays an ex-pianist who lives on a small island community besieged by a shark. At first Morgan Freeman and the shark hate each other, but everyone can tell they’re totally meant for each other, and in the end they see past their differences and get married in front of all their best friends.
2. Jeff Bridges plays a retired angel who gives up his powers to be a human being to marry the woman of his dreams, but when she is killed by the Yakuza, he must master the deadly art of ninjitsu to defeat the Yakuza to get revenge for his fallen bride.
3. Will Ferrell wearing a giant Mockingbird costume, running around in the background squawking, in a bold remake of the classic film “To Kill A Mockingbird”.
4. Tommy Lee Jones plays Abraham Lincoln in “TIME LINCOLN”, the story of Abraham Lincoln accidentally getting transported hundreds of years into the future, where he must become President again to free the human race who has become enslaved by Sharecropping Robot Overlords.
5. Robert Downey Jr. plays a simple gardener with down’s syndrome and cerebral palsy who must overcome his own intellect and body to save the President of the United States from a powerful Martian who has taken the president hostage in a remote volcano only accessible by a helicopter piloted by a man with down’s syndrome.
For more George Clooney info you can always visit this well maintained Clooney web page, which has an almost troubling amount of up-to-date George Clooney data.
Or if you like things that are equally as cool as George Clooney, you should check out this post about a Snuggie that apparently plays you Weezer snogs while you rest in it. Which apparently exists. In real life.
I LOVE IT! All of these are fantastic ideas.
I would like to see the writer of this article in a roll where he goes to a freshman level college class and learns punctuation and then takes what he learned and applies it to the generally sub-par articles he writes and then posts them and then reads them and after that decides that going back to school to learn punctuation was a super good idea and then gives himself a pat on the back.
See what I did there? I Made fun of your writing by writing like you…Crappily.
I agree more with amanda than with tim
Sorry, you went over the limit with number 5. Jokes about a population of human beings who can’t defend themselves puts you right into the bully category. As the mom of a child with special needs I can tell you first hand there is nothing funny about number 5. I see you chose to leave out any jokes about a big star getting cancer and all the fun that chemo brings to the table. Time to give special needs a pass and back away from where you don’t belong.
I agree Mike. You know, there are so many ignorant people in this world that I could spend hours each day having to write comments like this because so many have no clue. I also have a special needs child and once again, here we are having to defend them against the uninformed. Daniel, If you had a child with any type of special needs, I’m pretty sure (at least I’m hoping so) that you wouldn’t be making fun of them. So what gives you the right to be making fun of mine?
Dan – great comment.
Pulitzer Prize winning author who wrote this article – It’s Down Syndrome, not down’s syndrome. Freshman level classes seem more and more appealing to you, yes?
Wow, I made a mistake the S in syndrome shouldn’t be capitlized. Can you forward on my email to your HR department, looks like Im qualified to follow in your footsteps, Dan. There is an HR department at this conglomerate, correct?