If I See You Drinking This Blood Energy Drink, I Will Assault You With A Stake

By Mark Lorenz on October 30th, 2009

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Man, sometimes I sit in dark rooms, staring at the mirrors with the windows locked, and door shut. Just staring, in the dark. Pondering why we’re here and reflecting on how much easier it would be to be dead. Then I think, I should drink blood. But I don’t want to drink real blood, just a thin, viscous substitute. Is there hope for me? THERE IS?!

Wow, it was painful just typing that. The good news? You can drink blood out of an IV bag. The bad news? What bad news? You’re drinking blood out of an IV bag. The modern world is a miracle.

And you may be thinking that drinking a blood-like substance out of an IV bag is weird. So let’s amp it up a notch. It’s called the blood energy pouch, and here’s an official press release from the company.

“The fruit punch flavor packs 4 hours of energy along with iron, protein, and electrolytes. Not only does Blood Energy Potion have a similar nutritional makeup to real blood, but it has the same color, look, and consistency of blood. Get real blood nutrients without that real blood taste! The re-sealable transfusion bag style pouch provides the convenient delivery of fluids for vampires and humans alike! Contains no real blood, just synthetic!”

They are very excited. As am I. I am going to drink my blood bag and have sex with a vampire’s mouth. And none of you will stop me.

Source: Harcos.com