Really, are you surprised? You shouldn’t be. For months, we’ve been beset by the American Idol hype machine, telling us their contestants are unbelievable, super-human singers, capable of re-shaping the slowly collapsing music industry into a beautiful butterfly. And injured orphans into diamonds. Adam Lambert being the front-runner.
American Idol‘s been promoting the hell out of itself. They always have, but ratings have been slipping, so like “Gossip Girl”, they’ve been amping up advertisements and ratings ploys. Lambert is their latest pet project. He leaked his first single on Ryan Seacrest’s morning show. Features? A George Michael-like melody, with lyrics by a 13-year-old boy, whose eyes have been taped open and been forced to digest every cliché of the last 30 years. Which would be good, if this were 1983, currently. Also, he says baby about 80 times. And makes comparisons with being entertained to being tied down and sexed, but the song doesn’t sound like you’re gonna be tied down and sexed, it sounds like you’re going to be mildly annoyed by a wood nymph who won’t stop touching you with feathers.
Baby, it was as painful listening to those words as it was writing this out. Also, baby, it sounds pretty melodically bland. No surprising parts, nothing that really jumps out at you. No insanely catchy parts. It’s a meh sort of song put through 32-layers of processing. Any real emotion that could leak through was DOA from swallowing glitter and ProTools. Baby. Like pretty much everything else on the radio.
Baby, I must take back something I said before, though, that Time For Miracles was boring. Time For Miracles was Mahler’s First Symphony compared to this. If this is the sort of entertainment we can be expecting, I will be investing in implements that can make me temporarily deaf. Aaaaaaannnnnd, cue fangirl rage.
I’m the first one! Get ready!
Like I said, go back to critiquing Mexican music. You prove once again, you know nothing about our music.
Seriously?? You know nothing about music. Adam’s song is hot and totally has a catchy hook. I’ve listened to it about 10 times in a row because I can’t stop playing it and I had it memorized immediately…I love it!
Is your music the music of the Aryan Brotherhood? Because I’m German. My picture’s at the top.
I am addicted to Adam L, but I have to say, this review is how I feel – Exactly, couldn’t have said it better, – you do know music. I loved the Mahler comparison, that expressed it perfectly.
I guess what we are all saying. We like Adam’s song. I am part German and think your remarks are in poor taste.
I love Adams new single! Sexy and gorgeous!
Aryan music like 311 and System of a Down? Why do you ask? Would welcome me with open arms? You nor your name looks German, however, I’m not a racist.
Let’s talk about the real issue at hand, shall we? Your total lack of journalism skills. Go and look at other sites. You will see how most journalists even if they don’t like who they’re covering are objective and unbiased. The ones that aren’t? It figures you would want them as role models.
You sound like a bench on the rag, PMSing not like a respected journalist within the media community. I just can’t wait until you get fired and are forced to take a factory job or either a voice over on Sponge Bob Square pants.
I was a fan of Adams during competition. He had a killer voice. Unfortunatley, I am not impressed with the new cd, (at least the two songs I’ve heard.) The melodies are uninspired and boring. The harmonies fit but lack any musical creativity. It’s a shame that the music doesnt do his voice justice.
1. You’re not racist? Right. Also, System of a Down and 311 aren’t really Aryan music.
2. This is a blog, not the New York Times.
3. Adam Lambert’s album will crash and burn before I get a job making tires.
4. I love your fangirl rage.
Mark, have you ever written a review on mexican music?…I disagree with you on Adam’s song but that Screwyoumark has other deeply rooted issues against you…any idea?
No, none. No reviews on Latino music. But if you’re looking for some good stuff, Control Machete is ridiculous, along with Rodrigo y Gabriela, the Buena Vista Social Club, and technically French, the Gipsy Kings.
Any credibility you had with me just tanked. Won’t read you again.
My name is my married name! The rag etc. remarks sound like a stupid high school boys remark. Can’t you do any better than that? You sound like you are ready for the instiution with your little fit. Talking down to people is what turns you on. How sad.
I’m with lomarish “won’t read you agan.”
I’m not enraged just appalled. And I think you need to investigate 311 and System of a Down a little bit more, homie. Yeah, they won’t let people know this cause they still need to sell records to eh stupid people like you.
Awwwee, you’re gonna be so cute on Sponge Bob Square Pants,
@Gini–I was speaking to Mark Lorenz about his name not sounding German. Sorry, you kindof jumped into the middle of our argument. I made the “rag” comment again directed at Mark because I can’t believe how unprofessional this “cat” is.
I just clicked onto your name and saw that you admit that you’re neurotic. My bad, I didn’t mean to be mean to the mentally ill. Would you like a cookie, honey? Santa Claus will be here in just 2 more monthes.
Sorry. Thanks for letting me know. Thank you for your comment about this “cat”. You said it so much better than I ever could.
Hahaha. Deep breaths, crazy lady. Deep breaths. Ethnic people aren’t coming for you. I’m glad you get passionate when people have different tastes than you.
But System of a Down aren’t Aryan racists, they’re Armenian and Lebanese.
And I’d love a cookie. Provided you don’t think brown sugar is a massive conspiracy.
Once again a no nothing critic. Now why does that suprise us? It really does not matter what this guy thinks cause this song is going to do well. I do not even like dance songs but this one grows on you. The album is number two on Amazon today for pre orders so that is all that needs to be said. Plenty of people like what they are hearing.
Susan Boyle is number 4. ‘Nuff said.
Mark Lorenz, you sound worse than a raging fangirl. And your review is too moronic for people who truly knows real music. But then this is just a blog and you just happen to be writing for the sake of writing. I understood where you are coming from… and you’ll be doing better back there!!!
Susan Boyle has fans as well and she sings well. However, she isn’t a sensation like Adam is. Mark, me thinks you just jealous because your meat spear isn’t as large as Adam’s.
He had sex with you? DEEEEEETAAAILS.
Hahaha… I have to say I agree with Mark on this one. This song sucks; it doesn’t deviate at all from the single beat path its taken, there is no “interesting hook” at all- really, it’s just another peice of generic pop-y crap American Idol’s been pressured to turn out. I do like Adam Lambert… just not this song. ^_^
No, Mark, he didn’t have sex with me. However, you don’t need a microscope to see what he has. Just get on youtube and look up Adam Lambert-bowie melody philly and take a look.
I actually like the song a lot, but don’t despair if you think it’s too generic. I think he had to come out with something really radio friendly the first time around. There are more interesting sounding songs on his album that’s coming out on Nov. 23. Adam said he wants to do a mix of different types of songs on his album so I’m sure there will be something for everyone.
You are right – I am sad!!! Oh Adam!!! Crying in my martini…
You look for people’s penises in YouTube videos. That’s really all I need to know. Also, less about me, more about the single’s poor quality.
You’ve no testicles because you’re a liberal. It’s a scientific, metaphysical certitude. Hence, you attempt to compensate thru a pathetic blog that has the word ‘man’ in it, which you clearly are not, and is also a play on the word ‘monolith’, meant to conjur up large phallic images in the readers mind. Since we’ve established your utter lack of defining male characteristics, your attempt to identify yourself with large phallic images is even more pitiful. Since you are not a man, you have to like music such as this Lambert you go on about. It’s ok. Put on your suit of human female flesh, tuck in whatever the Lord gave you to urinate with, and dance around your apartment to the Pyschadelic Furs whilst the moths you raise flutter about.
I still like your blog, however.
And I might be wrong about the Pyschadelic Furs. I can’t remember what music Jaime Gumb was dancing around to. A truly trivial question.
Haha I think its really funny how you’re like “Aaaaaaannnnnd, cue fangirl rage.” and that’s exactly what happened…thank you internet for being predictable… anyway I of course agree with your assesment… but I dont blame Adam for it, once he was on American Idol he set himself up for failure and over processed reused and uninteresting mediocrity.
That’s all you need to know? Are you really that lame at coming up with stuff other than beaching your head off?
I don’t look for other people’s penises on videos. I haven’t purchased a microscope to see yours yet, have I? No on the youtube video, there’s no way you can not see Adam’s glambulge unless you’re blind. Oops, time for you to visit your eye doctor. Your eyeglass prescription must be incorrect.
Keep going. I enjoy your crazy.
I know you enjoy it. Feel free to use my jokes for your next comedy routine. I’ve got more where that came from.
as ‘fangirl rage’ bait, this is really quite poor showing, considering that most adam lambert threads easily get more than 100 posts per article. i pressed a few hot buttons on another thread – cue homosexuality, religion, my music tastes are better than yours, i easily got more than 20 people replying to me in 2 hours. so yeah i think lambert is commercial shit…write to my email address if you think i am wrong, also leave your number if you are hot…i may be setting up my own blog soon so feel free to tell me how ignorant and homophobic i am later on. your rage gives me a hard-on. don’t stop thinking about me. cheers, baby.
Mark. Are all Marks jerkistic pigs? Oink. Oink. You need to know more about pushing buttons to be a talented blogger/ reporter/ journalist right? Be honest with your self. Here’s the first clue which gives away the fact that you don’t have enough brains to pull it off. You actually think I’m going to give you my email and phone number? Well, I’ll give you one of them. 867-5309. My name is Jenny.
And BTW: What makes you think I’m going to listen to the opinion of a chauvinistic pig?
I come to this conversation unbiased – I am not a Lambert fan nor a critic, I did not watch him on American Idol, and I’m a gay man. There you have it. Now, on the subject of the song: it’s a perfect example of the vapid, uninspired, uninspiring musical offerings of 90 percent of the artists out there. It’s a throw away track, and if it’s the first or second single, you can bet the album’s gonna suck. Rabid fangirls, you will realize your error in about three years.
I think Adam Lambert is very talented, but I think this single is awful a la britney spears. I cannot believe that ‘screwyoumark’ said you lack journalism skills for doing exactly what most journalists lack…. which is having the cajones to say what you want without worrying about an f-ing paycheck or following the masses. This is the reason I read this site…. it’s not fake and pretentious. You say what you want and that is that.
wow, so defensive..*cough* *cough*. it ain’t deep, yo.
tick…tock…lets watch itunes on Tues and we’ll see what’s the verdict. if lambert’s song made it to top 10, it must be really good MAJORITY are purchasing.
@Anna–I’m sure you can discern professional journalism and ghetto girl “boy” style writing. Or maybe not.
Gonna have to agree with Mark on this one.
While this guy’s talent isn’t being refuted or contested, the song is. It’s a sub par song crushed through the studio machine, and I think people should stop thinking a song is catchy just because the 50mhz frequency is cranked up.
Anybody who disagrees should go listen to a Michael Jackson, Madonna, or Depeche Mode single, then come back to this.
Hell, listen to Justin Timberlake or any reworked singles by Timbaland. Their stuff isn’t necessarily earth shattering and arguably formulaic, but at least the songs go somewhere and make you wanna move.
This is the perfect example of a song that starts playing while youre on the dance floor and you think “Oh its this song, well Im gonna go get a drink”.
I’m not a fan of American Idol but am always open to new music. That being said, Mark’s analysis of this song is on the money. This track is incredibly uninspired and does nothing to help the corporate image American Idol seems to be trying to shy away from.
‘screwyoumark’, Have you read Manolith? Is this where you come to get your news? This is an online magazine meant to entertain us.
@Anna. Oh, now I see, it’s entertainment similar to The Spoof. Gottcha.
I agree that this is not my favorite Adam song because it is too electronic, but wow what burning HOT lyrics. “It’s about to get rough for you…Take the pain, take the pleasure. I’m the master of both…I’ma hold you down until you’re amazed, Give it to ya ’til you’re screaming my name.”. Woof!!! I have almost become addicted to listening to it. Oh, and by the way, that electronic crack is a whip. Also, I have been listening to the snippets from the FYE cd soon to be released, and they are amazing. Listen to those please before you do any more judging of Adam. No other artist today could sing in so many different styles and with such an amazing vocal range. Soaked by Muse lets you hear the pure beauty of his voice with just a piano to accompany him. I cannot wait to get my cd, and I know his first live tour will be spectacular.