You Must Don The Hat Of Happiness

Sometimes science gives us things we don’t need. Other times, science gives us things nobody thought we needed originally, that are really quite horrifying — and why would you even THINK OF INVENTING THAT? This is one of those things. This is a hat, that if you’re not smiling, pokes you with a metal spike. Until you smile.

This reminds me of one of the jobs I had growing up. I worked as a kiddie bartender for Medieval Times. My job was to make sure fourth graders didn’t hit a falcon with dinner plates. In addition, I worked with crazy women, who were all fired before I was, and one would hit my head with a Corona bucket if she thought i looked too sad, to cheer me up.

This is that same principle. Only the crazy woman is a hat, the Corona bucket is a metal spike, and your head still gets battered. The whole thing is a design project by Lauren McCarthy, to train you for, “Improved Social Interacting”. Which means, Big Brother is watching you, and will poke your head with a metal spike. Smile more. What have you got to be upset about?

No word when the hat will go on sale, but I think I’ve found a stocking stuffer for my sister, who consistently frowns.