Listen, I’ll be the first to admit Adam Lambert is a good singer. But pipes do not make up for a surprising lack of a personality. I’d rather hear Tom Waits gargle hot rocks into a microphone, than a singer who panders commercially.
Adam Lambert, a runner-up on American Idol, is most noted for his Broadway falsetto, broad range, and thus-far boring material. Fangirls are eagerly anticipating his attempt to move into the mainstream this November, with the album, “For Your Entertainment”. Never mind that the title sounds like boring, deep-fried and put into a burrito for you to consume, if the album cover is any indication, the album comes with a unicorn you can ride on and glitter you can sprinkle from the roof-tops. Also, it looks like they were going for a David Bowie had sex with a photoshop retoucher vibe, who then had sex with the cover of a Poison album.
This album is one step away from a parade that’s one step away from a Michael’s Craft Store that’s one step away from Hamburger Mary’s in West Hollywood. If it were any more retouched, you could put it in a wax museum and it would survive the sun burning out. It’s more plasticky than Barbie’s recycling center. It’s more cheesy than France. If France were on the moon.
Who wants to bet the music’ll be forgettable? This guy. Have at it, fangirls.
Comments
SamS
October 28th, 2009 - 5:34:34 AM
Wow! You know Adam Lambert personally? And you've heard his new album already? How else can you say he has no personality and his material is boring? Oh, I get it, you're making assumptions! Got it. And dude, seriously, if Lambert pandered commercially, that would NOT be his album cover. Think before you write and make yourself sound like both a bigot and an idiot.
Jayne
October 28th, 2009 - 6:00:12 AM
Sure, let's judge the quality of someone's music based on his album cover! And album title! That makes so much sense! If you had any brains, you'd easily figure it was a risky move to have a "gay" cover (as you call it) for a DEBUT album to sell to the close-minded mainstream. I agree with SamS. You're just a bigot and an idiot.
Blondiegrrl
October 28th, 2009 - 6:05:07 AM
Umm, are you saying that Adam is pandering commercially? Because I am getting the opposite impression. He's waaaaay out there. He sets himself apart from the pack. Of course I haven't heard the album, but I'm betting it WON'T be forgettable. How much do you want to wager? ;-)
Jon Markle
October 28th, 2009 - 6:08:25 AM
What a cheep, sarcastic shot. You haven't even heard the music. So you base your "critic" (used very loosely) only on the album cover . . . that, is your bad taste and prejudice showing. Says more about you than the artist! And "gayer than anything man can conceive of" . . . PLEASE! Where are you living? Get out much? A cave man? You don't know notin' dearie, not a damn thing about "gay". If you are gay, I wouldn't admit it at this point . . . you need some experience -- and exposure to the real world, child. Probably the worst review I've ever read.
Monica
October 28th, 2009 - 6:11:15 AM
Dude, your criticism doesn´t worth a line. You´re an idiot.
Leah
October 28th, 2009 - 6:15:44 AM
Umm I am pretty sure this cover would be on the very bottom of the barrel if Adam was pandering commercially. No personality?? Obviously you have never seen the guy in any interviews. He exudes charm and grace. Sorry for your life that you do not get Adam Lambert. He is only the most exciting and talented performer to come around in a long time. Like Adam said if you don't like him "go buy the other guy's record" I am sure they will be perfect for those nights you can't get to sleep.
Angel Morini
October 28th, 2009 - 6:18:27 AM
Get this guy some pork rinds and a beer. And maybe a few hot rocks to gargle. Call Kid Rock. Maybe he can get together with Clay Aiken and Gene Simmons for a little ear bleeding and complaining. People never know what to do when the next wave comes. Adam is here, talented, gorgeous, different and gay. Not a problem.
Jades
October 28th, 2009 - 6:18:29 AM
Well we all know critics are those that can't, but boy have you over stepped good sense. I perdict the album will be a hit and the cover is really nothing new. Were you around for Ziggy Stardust, Diamond Dogs, Ziggy Pop, Billy Idol, Boy George? I think you protest too much. Get back into your football duds and leave the artists alone. Adam will do just fine and idiots like you will be long forgotten......
maryann
October 28th, 2009 - 6:19:19 AM
You dont know what you are talking about!!!
bea
October 28th, 2009 - 6:21:59 AM
I can't find any fault in what you say, Mark. I was OTT about Adam, then he did 'Details' (for what purpose???). Now this cover that I would never presume to buy as a gift for anyone. I will buy myself one because I'm hoping for OTT music. I'm hoping my enthusiasm returns.
Anonymous
October 28th, 2009 - 6:25:42 AM
LOL! This is bigotry at work. Don't mind this person. Personally, i like Glam so i am okay with it. Besides, when you hear the music, who cares about album covers.
Inpolitically correct today
October 28th, 2009 - 6:36:52 AM
I'm going to be very, very inpolitically correct today, because I think that Mark and Bea both deserve it. Mark is a homophopic bleep because he's hispanics are always homophobic bleeps. Get a load of his name, "Lorenz." Mark--go back to critiquing mexican music or either learn American and British pop culture. Frigid Bea, you can use a blow dryer to melt the polar caps located on your cervix. There's nothing wrong w/Adam's pics in Details.
Rita
October 28th, 2009 - 6:40:17 AM
Pimpin' for comments much lately? I personally love the cover art and it screams out Adam's name. To those that wouldn't buy a CD because of the cover art, it will certainly be your loss. I'm just glad to see Adam didn't go conservative, wearing a plaid shirt or leaning against a fence post. That is not who he is!!
Gabba
October 28th, 2009 - 6:42:17 AM
sure sure, Mark here is making assumptions about the music, but srsly, he's right about the album cover - one step away from rainbowbright meets ziggy startdust meets aibrushed vans. No jokes, this is one of the gayest album covers ever.
Silk13
October 28th, 2009 - 6:53:30 AM
Another leech who can't write a story who and who is riding Adams coattails to get hits on his article. It's too bad you can't see it.
Nadine
October 28th, 2009 - 6:58:33 AM
Good art makes people talk. Enough said.
Criselda
October 28th, 2009 - 7:07:22 AM
OMG!!! This is the most insane write-up I've read about Adam Lambert and his soon-to-be released album. And more surprisingly is the fact that it's written by a man. Are you a real man? I don't think so. I hope you don't have a wife or a girlfriend because living with you is like living in a fantasy world. Yikes!!!
Denise
October 28th, 2009 - 7:08:55 AM
Well is it not great that YOUR opinion does NOT matter !! Adam Lambert is Fabulous and sois his album cover !!! Go ADAM !!!
Boring Cover
October 28th, 2009 - 7:27:31 AM
Very predicatble cover from a media whore Madame Lambert. This guy has been posing as an AI contestant even though he'd been in the business for years. Now he is posing as a soprano Bowie?! Too sad!
Leah
October 28th, 2009 - 7:34:03 AM
I saw this posted lastnight and this sums it up for me: The same guy who’s up there in all his alien fierce glory is the same guy who made you swoon in Details with his thigh kissing. The title of the album is For Your Entertainment – and his crotch thrusting, singing “woman” persona is just as much of a show as the glittery unicorn picture that graces his album. Is the cover a risk? Sure, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a f**k. And remember when Madonna came out in bras and sang Like a Virgin and kissed black Jesus? What an uproar it caused…but she’s now a legend! New things aren’t always comfortable, but we’ll never get anywhere by being safe.
wd
October 28th, 2009 - 7:53:57 AM
THIS COVER is what you term "pandering commercially"?! What would you call "taking a risk"?!
Debi
October 28th, 2009 - 8:05:27 AM
Want another comparison for your commentary? How about this ... Lorenz...you are more homophobic than the whole congregation of the Westboro Baptist Church making anti-gay posters in their basement lunch room. Now for BORING COVER. Lambert has all of the media coverage because he is sought out because he is different and talented. And you must be an AI newbie. A LOT of the contestants on the show have been in the business trying to make it in one genre or another for years. He isn't the first. Get informed. GABBA: Just remove Lorenz's name from the first comparison I wrote and insert your own. LEAH: Way to go, girl. Thumbs up. Adam Lambert is doing exactly what he promised he would do. He is shocking people, and I for one am shocked and thrilled with the cover. That is what I expect of Lambert. Just when I get comfortable, he comes up with something to get me back on my feet applauding him. Now take that shock and pump it up with the most powerful and incredible voice to hit the music genre in decades, and you have millions of worldwide fans who cannot WAIT to hear the music behind this cover, which is as it should be. And if for some reason you don't like the cover, remember what your mama told you. Don't judge a book (album) by its cover. Lorenz, you have NO idea how talented this guy is, and any rag that publishes your articles is probably not even good enough to be used as packing material for shipping crap from point A to point B. I will see that bet that Adam's music is forgettable and be back to watch you eat your tasteless words.
Karin
October 28th, 2009 - 8:11:04 AM
You're very lucky, you have obviously already heard Adam's music, when you can rate it as "be forgettable". This feeling I have for your article. I personally like the "gay" cover as you name it, for me it's art and something different. He could have chosen a "normal, boring" pic, but that wouldn't be him. Looking forward to actually hear Adam's music! And who buys a CD based on the cover? That's just an extra plus if you like it and otherwise you don't have to look at it ...
Kurt
October 28th, 2009 - 8:12:49 AM
I'm sure Adam likes the fuss that's going on about his cover - clever move, keep people talking!
sweetart
October 28th, 2009 - 8:36:17 AM
How old are you? All you managed to do is throw some imflamatory words together. . . your attempt at humor sucks! 1st and last time I'll waste my time on this crap. bub byes
Brad
October 28th, 2009 - 8:43:39 AM
If you only live in my place, you are surely mobbed right now. The whole place believes in Adam Lambert. It's fine that you are a non-believer but you have to shut up your shitty brain and poor taste. You are just proving to the whole world that you are gayER than the real gay.
Bill
October 28th, 2009 - 9:13:13 AM
"Adam Lambert’s Album Cover Is Gayer Than Anything Man Can Conceive Of" That might be true, Mark Lorenz. But you are a TOTAL fag for saying so.
adamisabadhabit
October 28th, 2009 - 9:57:03 AM
Well you asked for it Mr.Lorenz and from the above comments, it seems you are getting yours. I doubt any juvenile high school locker room banter could compete with the manner in which you describe Adam Lambert's album cover. I would hope that you could come up with better descriptions than this whether you like the cover or not. Just because we have the right to free speech doesn't necessarily mean we should use degrading statements to hurt others.
Carina
October 28th, 2009 - 9:58:17 AM
As an European I don't get the fuzz about this at all! In my part of the world being gay isn't a big thing and great artists are being recognized for their talent, not their sexual orientation! I wonder how big Freddie Mercury would've been if he was born American, fortunately for him he was British!
ihateeveryonewhohascommentedabove
October 28th, 2009 - 10:06:20 AM
srsly fuk adam lambert and fuk all of you
BranVan
October 28th, 2009 - 10:42:45 AM
I'm gonna just wait for the album to drop before I make any judgments here... Whether he's chaneling Bowie, Boy George or whoever, the cover is a little on the gay side. And really, who the fek cares, anyway. It's just an album cover. Like these: http://tinyurl.com/ykksp33
Mark Lorenz
October 28th, 2009 - 11:36:58 AM
Guys, I work in WeHo and am neither homophobic, nor homophobic because I'm Mexican (?) as one commenter accused. This is about bad album covers. Such as this one. http://www.woosk.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/bigbear.jpg
Mark Lorenz
October 28th, 2009 - 11:40:57 AM
Also, for the sake of logical argument - no Bowie comparisons. Bowie's music is timeless.
Kola Sol
October 28th, 2009 - 11:47:24 AM
Adam Lambert is ridiculous. The AI idiots and RCA keep trying to shove him down everyone's throat (ick) telling us how popular he is, but the fact is that this was AI's lowest rated season, and he LOST the competition by what is rumored to be a big margin. Most people just don't care about him. He's probably the most artificial and manufactured of the whole lot and most likely recruited for the show given the way they pimped him to high heaven. One CD I won't be buying. Just...no.
tpaoturpin
October 28th, 2009 - 12:07:00 PM
First of all, Mark, what would you know about personality? Second, who are the idiots that would not buy a cd because they didn't like the picture on the front? They seriously need help. Always going to be haters like you Mark. Pathetic. Adam Lambert has the most amazing voice I have ever heard and I love the cover. Those of you that are afraid of something brillant and different are just weak.
doing thangz
October 28th, 2009 - 12:29:32 PM
woah, woah, woah, woah. you think that big bear album cover is anything other than awesome? i think perhaps your critical skills may, indeed, be seriously flawed. probably cause you're mexican.
JRZGRL1
October 28th, 2009 - 12:40:16 PM
You need a lesson on sentence structure, honey. "Also, it looks like they were going for a David Bowie had sex with a photoshop retoucher vibe, who then had sex with the cover of a Poison album" folllowed by "This album is one step away from a parade that’s one step away from a Michael’s Craft Store that’s one step away from Hamburger Mary’s in West Hollywood. " The grammatical gimmick was exhausted in the first sentence; the second sentence drove home the point that you're not a very good writer. You didn't like him to begin with - why should it be a surprise that you wouldn't like the cover? But hey - picking on Adam Lambert tends to get people lots of attention that they might not otherwise get.
joe
October 28th, 2009 - 12:50:51 PM
Girls. Adam Lambert will never have sex with you. Ever. You repulse him. You disgust him. You will not convert him. He is not bisexual. He is gay. Fantasize all you want but that's all it will ever be. For any gay man. Gay men find you sexually appalling. Love songs they write are never about you. They would rather be castrated than have sex with you. Enter the world of reality.
Annie
October 28th, 2009 - 12:55:48 PM
See, it's perfect! This guy is amazing! He gets EVERYONE'S attention! he even got a homophobe like you to write an entire freakin article about him! ha, you know you love him! i dont think it is possible to not love him!
staciegirlie
October 28th, 2009 - 1:11:05 PM
@Joe. I thought this was a blog about an album cover, not about women wanting to sleep w/ Adam. But thanks Joe, for your clarification. We women didn't know that. However, I don't think Adam quite has the blatant contempt that you feel for women though. BTW, you gay guys are the one's complaining about the album cover the most.
Leigh
October 28th, 2009 - 4:56:41 PM
Poor baby - you're in for such a surprise.
Aysha Manori
October 28th, 2009 - 6:35:40 PM
I love his voice.
Freya77
October 30th, 2009 - 1:45:40 AM
He never fails to surprise people therefore his music is forgettable? Wow your logic is messed up Obviously u haven't seen the interview of his producer, who named him as one of THE MOST talented musicians, and I don't think adam works with some crap producers
Tagrid
October 30th, 2009 - 7:23:27 AM
Awww what happened Mark, did someone make you change the "gayer" in the title for "worse?" I bet it doesn't get as many hits now eh? I just looked at your photo - and my gaydar went crazy. Now I get it. Your other articles got no comments - but when you say nasty things about Adam you get TONS of comments (hits) - so you just say the most ridiculous things you can come up with - then let em have at you. LOL Good idea - if you don't care (and why should you?) why not? Have fun - you found your nook. Leah - best comment I've seen! Thanks for bringing it here too.
Wicked Glitter
October 30th, 2009 - 5:29:02 PM
Just mention Adam's name and people will come.
delia brooks
November 2nd, 2009 - 12:04:18 AM
You really do speak a lot of rubbish though. Hope your stomach is capable of digesting your words when you have to eat them/but hey you may choke on them before they get to your stomach/ either way that wull be a happy day :)
marbles
November 13th, 2009 - 8:30:38 AM
This is too funny. Mark got you crazy people, hook, line and sinker.
Marie
November 13th, 2009 - 3:30:41 PM
I was bored with this kid before the Idol show ended. The only reason I am commenting here, is because I give the author credit for saying what so many people are thinking!
Oliver
November 18th, 2009 - 4:50:42 AM
What a pointless review? Why do you even bother living if this is the best you can come up with? Get a life and get out, there is a big world out there ;)
JH
January 1st, 2010 - 5:28:50 PM
Wow. I have no feelings about Adam Lambert or his pop music whatsoever, but to judge him by his glam rock album cover, and say that his music will be forgettable because of the fact that he's wearing eye shadow...? YEAH, JUST LIKE THAT DAVID BOWIE FELLOW NEVER MADE IT FAR IN THE MUSIC BIZ... Sorry douche, you're showing your age AND your homophobia in this one...
Tina
January 24th, 2010 - 5:46:11 PM
Well, he was right. The album is very average & nothing special at all. Nothing like he was on A.I. Wasted my money on that one. This was supposed to be the next big "rock god" I don't think so from that album. I gave it a good try, but after 2 complete listens, I'm done. I was expecting something much better from Adam. Looking forward to Adam finding himself with his next album.