According to the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission, Target of Minneapolis, MN, just settled a lawsuit for $600,000 today for carrying children’s toys that had unsafe levels of lead paint. “I eat lead all the time,” you might be saying to yourself, “what amount of lead is too much?” Well, for that answer, sit naked on the adorable chair pictured here for a couple months and see if you don’t get ass cancer. I bet you do. Because I don’t know anything about cancer. But what I do know is that you hear about stuff like this all the time. One day Wal-Mart’s selling Star Wars Yoda figurines made out of irradiated plutonium rods. The next you hear Kmart has a line of jeans made out of living and angry Bull Sharks. And then you’re shopping for a dollhouse for your daughter at Toys-R-Us and you see that they’re carrying a Barbie Dreamhouse built entirely from bags of discarded hospital waste.
Companies are getting sued all the time for carrying products that they know to be unsafe, but are selling them anyway to make a quick buck. Some for real examples of faulty products harming people include: Toyota just had to recall thousands of Priuses because the floor mats under the front seat were sliding around and getting stuck under the accelerator and causing the cars to speed out of control, or over 80,000 women having to be contacted after it was found out that the pregnancy tests they were using were faulty. If it makes them feel any better, any children they had due to taking the faulty pregnancy tests are also to be recalled.
When a fictional Target representative was asked by me, “What kind of Super Powers should the children who use the lead coated products expect to be getting?” He gloomily replied, “No that’s radioactive waste, the only super power you get from lead paint is chronic infertility. Which is only sort of a super power.”
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