The Backstreet Boys Catch Swine Flu, Unfortunately, It Does Not Stop Them

By Daniel Dominguez on October 22nd, 2009

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The Backstreet Boys contracted the H1N1 Swine Flu Virus while on tour in Tokyo. However, it was not enough to defeat them.  Specifically Brian Littrell, or as he is generally known, “The Shitty One” caught the swine flu virus.  Presumably because it was fired at him from a swine flu gun by Batman, in a heroic attempt to keep the Backstreet Boys from performing in the future.  The other BackStreet Boys, or as they are generally known, “The Other Shitty Ones”, suffered no ill effects, other than the effect of generally being who they are.

Also added to the list of celebrities who have contracted swine flu thus far are Fox News Correspondant Major Garrett, Rachell Maddow, Dr. Sanjay Gupta, and for some reason Marilyn Manson.

From the looks of it the Swine Flu seems to have a problem with the effect entertainment as journalism has had on the reporting of news and seems to be trying to off anyone who has actively worked to bias or dumb down the media.  So in order to help the Swine Flu on its mission I am including a list of people it should go after:

Glenn Beck.

That is the list.  My hope is that by focusing all it’s energies on a single shock jock news caster it can keep re-infecting him until his immune system is completely destroyed, which he will surely somehow blame on Abraham Lincoln for freeing the slaves so that one day Barack Obama would become President forcing God to punish us for electing a black president by inventing swine flu.  Because that is how Glenn Beck’s mind works. He actually thinks things like that. No one is happy about it.

I would be a fool if I didn’t address the fact that Marilyn Manson has swine flu, which is a hilarious celebrity to get swine flu, because he is the only celebrity who is likely to try to use it as an ingredient in an evil potion. Below is a fictional conversation between Marilyn Manson and a reporter regarding his having contracted the Swine Flu:

Reporter
So, I heard you got swine flu?

Marilyn Manson
Yes, I love being sick. I love sickness.

Reporter
You love being sick?

Marilyn Manson
I love being infected by a pig disease, we are all pigs. We root in shit and we eat our little piggy flesh.

At this point in the interview, Marilyn Manson takes a crow out of a cage next to him and lights it on fire and then proceeds to paint his face with the charred remains.

Reporter
That was gross.

Marilyn Manson
I know. I’m ever so gross. And I love the H1N1 so much, I love to know that the evil is inside me.

Reporter
So, what has the Swine Flu been like so far?

Marilyn Manson
Well, I’ve done some sneezing. But that could be cat dander I just got a new kitten. His paws are white so it looks like he’s wearing mittens.

Reporter
Oh yeah?

Marilyn Manson
… Evil mittens.

Reporter
I’m gonna get out of here.

Marilyn Manson
I know.

The END