Nadya Suleman AKA “Octomom” AKA “Vagina reduced to rubble” AKA “Of no real import” , has recently been quoted as saying that she, “kind of has a crush on Jon Gosselin”. Experts are unsure what exactly about Jon Gosselin is so attractive, whether it’s his total lack of concern for his children’s well being, his shameless grab at a celebrity that he doesn’t deserve, or his belief that he should at all times dress as though he was a part-time teacher at a community college, the important thing to note here is that he has a lot going for him.
Regardless it would be awesome if they got together because that would bring the total number of their children to somewhere around 347 (not counting adoptions, or children that have just randomly fallen out of Nadya that she keeps in mason jars in the basement). Having heard about this story, I immediately got excited because it gave me a twinkle of hope for my ultimate dream: that the Octomom, Jon and Kate, and the Duggars all marry each other, buy an abandoned Wal-mart and raise their combined 11,142 children in the abandoned Wal-Mart, feeding them scraps of old magazines and Nabisco crackers to keep them alive. Then secretly, working together to train their 111,994 children to become an ultimate fighting force who Morgan Freeman’s character recruits to be in the CIA. And then all 1,740,129 of their children, now kung-fu savvy CIA agents, are sent to Afghanistan in a 1,740,129 person long jumbo jet to covertly bring women’s rights to the war torn region.