Most Compelling Evidence Of Wall Street Corruption Falls on Kenny Rogers

By Mark Lorenz on October 19th, 2009

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Raj Rajaratrammylamadingdong, second only to M. Night Shymalammasham in ridiculously unpronounceable names, is currently embroiled in one of the biggest insider trading crackdowns on Wall Street. So where does Kenny Rogers fall into this? Quite simply, the dude paid KR four million dollars to play The Gambler over and over again.

Four million dollars. To hear a country song. Over and over again. By a dude who would take four million to play a song over and over again. Reportedly Kenny Rogers refused to go on after the twelfth rendition of the song. Think of how many hungry children could be fed and clothed with the money Kenny Rogers surely will squander on ridiculous suits and hats. Four million dollars for one song. It makes you wonder how intelligent Wall Street traders are. Other than getting your fat ass arrested with more than a billion dollars, like, there’s this thing called a jukebox, and with only two dollars, I can basically do the exact same thing. And it won’t be interpreted by an old dude past his prime. He’ll sound fresh and rested, without the help of collagen and honey tea.

It’s not even that creative. Who’d I hire? Iggy Pop. Because he’d spit on me.