Top 5 Cinematic Satans

By Akela Talamasca on October 13th, 2009

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There are few literary figures so fascinating as Satan, the Christian Devil himself. Sometimes portrayed as pure evil, sometimes as God’s patsy, sometimes humorously, sometimes frighteningly, Lucifer’s inclusion in any story is a guaranteed perk. No matter what you have him say or do, he’s always interesting and frequently thought-provoking.

However, when trying to compile a list of the best movie Lords of Darkness, it’s tough to choose which will end up the top of the heap, because there are so many different ways to play him. Is he the quiet, sinister type? Is he over-the-top theatrical and melodramatic? Is he more like a lordly CEO, or more like a perverted child abuser? This particular list was built around the question “Which Satan do you least want to spend time in a room with?” That statement is weird enough alone; let’s just move on to the Top 5 Cinematic Satans, in order from least scary to most, with video evidence to back me up.

5. Tim Curry from “Legend”

Okay, sure, he’s never actually called Satan or Lucifer or any of the standard names, but he is Darkness nevertheless, and he’s so iconic that he just had to be included here. Sure, his performance is pure thespian ham, but you are bound by law to love just how much Tim Curry plays up his epic nature. This is the brooding, Miltonian devil from a thousand heavy metal album covers, and it’s to Curry’s credit that he was able to emote at all beneath that crazy makeup. At the end of the day, however, despite his physical presence and diabolic powers, you just kinda feel sorry for the guy somehow. I mean, can you blame him for falling for Mia Sara? Hell no! … so to speak. Best line from the movie: any time he throws back his head and laughs.

4. Al Pacino from “The Devil’s Advocate”

Ahh, Al Pacino. He really only plays one role: Al Pacino. But his rant to Keanu Reeves in “The Devil’s Advocate” is just so vintage, he perfectly embodies the idea of the Devil as a fed-up, doesn’t-give-a-shit-about-divine-retribution Satan. This Devil is pure Tempter, through and through. He’s chummy! He’s funny! He makes some very interesting claims, and he pushes it through with so much verve you’re almost bullied into belief. Only Pacino could have pulled off this car salesman approach to sin; after a while, you just end up saying “You’re right, I am being a pussy about this! Let’s do it!” Best line from the movie: “I’m a FAN’A MAN!”

3. Robert De Niro from “Angel Heart”

Embedding disabled by request; this links to the YouTube video

One of De Niro’s most underrated roles, he plays the role of Devil as Master of All Things quietly and with an understated menace. His look is so old-fashioned and elegant it makes everyone else in the film seem coarse and dirty, and that’s part of the point. He has so little screen time, yet packs so much into each scene that he steals the show every time, and that’s saying a lot when you’re playing opposite the doomed Mickey Rourke, who is absolutely amazing in this film. I can’t decide whether or not I like De Niro’s final transformation at the climax; we certainly didn’t need to see it, but it’s of such short duration that it kind of works, and it underscores how badly Satan wanted this particular soul to come home, that he drops his veneer of civility at last. Best line from the movie: the wet sound as he bites into his hard-boiled egg.

2. Viggo Mortensen from “The Prophecy”

Now we’re getting into edgy territory. Viggo Mortensen’s turn as Lucifer brings us the Devil as Psychopath. There is no doubt whatsoever that any time spent in the presence of this Satan is time you’ll regret. His hands-on approach to getting things done displays his utter and vicious contempt for humanity. Clearly, this guy would rather rip out your soul than have anything to do with you, and it shows with every sibilant phrase. He hates you and wants you to know it. The longer we’re exposed to him, the more his infernal nature comes to the fore, until his final lines are spoken in a venomous, hissing whisper that is more threatening than any violent outburst could ever be. Best line from the movie: “For while Heaven is closed, I am always open … even on Christmas.”

1. Peter Stormare from “Constantine”

This is the one that always gets me. Peter Stormare playing the Devil as Pervert. From his entry to the scene, feet dripping with smoking tar, barefoot in a white suit that manages to feel somehow like a straitjacket from an asylum, this sadistic, gleeful Satan makes you want to run in one direction for ten minutes and shower for hours to get his stink off you. From his sickly pallor to his obscene giggling to his unplaceable accent, he is the very embodiment of Child Molester, and you absolutely don’t want to know what it is he has in store for Constantine. Though his screen time is brief, his impact lingers on well after the close of the film. Best line from the movie: “Boys will be boys,” as he paws the thigh of a helpless Keanu Reeves with his foot.