I do some teaching, and my kids are constantly turning in essays with tragically inaccurate examples, like “When Thomas Edison invented the light bulb…” or “Even Einstein got bad grades in school…” which society has for some reason decided to convince them are true. Actually, my kids are turning in examples more like “When Edison invented the atomic bomb…” or “When Ben Franklin signed the Magna Carta…” but that’s mostly just a function of my kids being morons.
Anyway, yes, I said inaccurate, because those two statements – and many more like them – are classic instances of egregious common misconceptions. I’ll admit: before I started looking into it, I thought these were true, too. So in an effort to straighten things out – and also get to make fun of history – here comes the truth about 10 of the most widely believed misconceptions out there.
1. Einstein got bad grades in school
Um… have you heard about this guy Einstein? Famous physicist? Relativity and all that? A genius, even? I’m pretty sure little Albert could handle his business in 4th grade arithmetic. Yes, contrary to popular belief, Einstein was a top student in elementary school, getting mostly “4″s (on the German grading scale of 1-4), which idiot Americans later assumed, backwardly, were “D”s. The idea stuck because everybody loves the idea that their poor student can go on to great things. Sorry, parents, Einstein was teaching himself calculus at age 12. Your little lip-twiddling retard will be working at Hardee’s.
2. Mice like cheese
Why would mice like cheese? Processed cow milk is not exactly available to them in their natural habitat, is it? No, mice MUCH prefer peanut butter, breakfast cereals, and other things similar to the grains and seeds they’ve gotten used to over millions of years of evolution. In fact, some mice are even lactose intolerant and will die if they eat cheese. In short: f–k you, Tom and Jerry.
3. Napoleon was short
Nope. Napoloean was 5′7″, average height for a Frenchmen of the time. I don’t think he was particularly angry either, though we seem to have no trouble citing him as both the paragon and origin of the “short man’s syndrome” so common at New Jersey nightclubs. The confusion came from the difference between the British inch and the French ‘pouce’, which was longer, and made Brits think Napolean was only around 5′3″, a misconception which British propaganda was only happy to propagate.
4. Thomas Edison Invented the Light Bulb
Edison was a smart mother f–ker, but he didn’t invent the light bulb – somebody else had already done that by the time he started fiddling with the idea. Edison did, however, invent the first light bulb that actually worked well, at the same time as another guy, Joseph Swan. Edison got to be famous for it though, because he beat Swan in ro-sham-bo, and then bitch-slapped him.
5. Lemmings Throw Themselves Over Cliffs
What, are lemmings retarded? Yes, mass suicide sounds like a wonderful evolutionary trait to have built into your species to ensure its survival. Lemmings do no such thing, except occasionally when they’re drunk at bachelor parties. This great misconception was perpetrated by none other than Disney, who, in all their evil, decided their early nature film “White Wilderness” would be much more awesome if it showed a bunch of rodents flinging themselves off cliffs. They were correct, of course, but that doesn’t make this “phenomenon” any less B.S.
6. Water Flushes Differently in Different Hemispheres
Toilet water doesn’t flush a specific direction depending on what hemisphere you’re in. Water flushes the same way, unless you’re in the middle of certain huge hurricanes, or if you crank it really hard with a dingy oar like we used to with our toilet water back in Minnesota.
7. Humans Evolved From Apes
Neither Charles Darwin nor any reputable evolutionist ever said that humans evolved from chimpanzees or gorillas or any other ape alive today (and certainly not those angry monkeys with those blue asses. They simply claim that monkeys and humans both evolved from a common ancestor that died out millions of years ago. You know, some sort of primitive monkey-caveman creature that had some smart babies that eventually became human, and some dumb-ass babies that eventually became apes.
8. Vikings Had Horns
This one hurts me ’specially. Actually, the title should read “Vikings Wore Helmets With Horns,” unless you think Vikings’ skulls actually had horns protruding from them, which I wish to sweet Odin was the case. But in any event, no, even Viking headwear didn’t sport horns – not a single Viking helmet has ever been found with anything jutting out of it. Besides awesomeness, of course.
9. Columbus believed the Earth was flat
People have suspected that the Earth might be round since as early as Eratosthenes in 240 B.C. – it was mostly just a bunch of dogmatic nut-jobs who continued to insist that the Earth was a birdbath you could fall off of if you sailed too close to the edge. So by the time Columbus rolled around in 1492, pretty much everybody knew they were dealing with a sphere, Chris included. He did get a little confused about the size of the sphere, though, which is why he thought the Caribbean was India, leading to the whole dot vs. feather issue today.
10. Different parts of the tongue detect different tastes.
What, your elementary school health class lied to you? Turns out, taste buds on all parts of your tongue can detect all different tastes, though there are slightly increased sensitivities in different areas for some people. Want proof? Try dipping the dip of your tongue into some coffee grounds and see if you can taste the bitter. As my great uncle Ralph, who lost half his tongue in ‘Nam, used to say, “Hrm rmrng rmhrm mrhng!”, which translates to “I don’t need the front half of my tongue to taste your aunt Gladys’s sweet ass!”
Comments
John Dorian
October 13th, 2009 - 6:10:08 AM
You forgot one. America is a democracy. Its actually a constatutional republic.
1
mick
October 13th, 2009 - 9:08:49 AM
dude... the lowest score in german grading is 6 the highest score is 1....
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meh
October 13th, 2009 - 9:17:51 AM
lemmings do jump off cliffs when the size of their group exceeds a certain number. this is so they can all have food to eat and and even chance at mating.
3
:(
October 13th, 2009 - 10:42:23 AM
http://www.snopes.com/disney/films/lemmings.asp
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manu
October 13th, 2009 - 10:45:01 AM
"dude… the lowest score in german grading is 6 the highest score is 1…." yup...4 isn't a good grade at all.....I mean...do the math, it's bellow average
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cletus
October 13th, 2009 - 10:55:32 AM
Having been to school in Germany I have to disagree with you on that one. A 4 in the German grading scale is actually around a D. A 1 is an A. Just a little FYI
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Bollocks
October 13th, 2009 - 10:58:13 AM
Check out a show called QI (Quite Interesting). It's a British comedy/quiz show, and it's awesome for setting people straight on a lot of facts that aren't actually true. Some of your information here was actually covered on older episodes. It's a great show.
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Mois
October 13th, 2009 - 11:29:49 AM
Since i am german - i definitly can confirm the Grade-stuff. Experienced that for 10 years in school - and a 4 equals a D.
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kiraa
October 13th, 2009 - 12:18:57 PM
Do you have any proof for #10? Because I'm sorry but I don't think that's right. I realize this is meant to be humorous but I wouldn't start an article with "stupid Americans" while you are getting it wrong, you stupid American. :P
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George
October 13th, 2009 - 3:08:40 PM
Water does flush different ways in different hemispheres. I lived in Australia and America. I know
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Toby
October 13th, 2009 - 3:52:32 PM
The German grading scale is 1-6, 1 being the best grade, 6 a fail.
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K3vin
October 13th, 2009 - 11:22:49 PM
I have a hunch that these are things that you believed that you later found out to be false and that made you feel inadequate. It also looks like from the comments that you didn't even do your research before you "proved" that everyone else is an idiot. Fail dude, just fail.
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Kalavati
October 13th, 2009 - 11:46:59 PM
Eistein: are you folks sure that even in Eistein's time the German school grades were like the today's grades are? What if they changed the system since? In Eistein's time the system could be 1-4, with 4 being the best note and 1 meaning a fail, and later the system changed and now 1 is the best grade and 6 is a fail.
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Kalavati
October 13th, 2009 - 11:55:34 PM
Oh one more thing: Although Einstein had early speech difficulties, he was a top student in elementary school. As he grew, Einstein built models and mechanical devices for fun and began to show a talent for mathematics. From the wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einstein
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Sarah
October 14th, 2009 - 1:38:49 AM
To clear up the whole fuss about Einstein's grade have a look at this website http://www.einstein-website.de/z_kids/druckseiten/d_zeugniskids.html (german only) it's a copy of his Maturzeugnis (leaving cert equivalent). Since he went to school in Switzerland, the grading system was different, reversed in fact, with 6 being an A and 1 an F. He was a great student in almost all of the sciency subjects, with the worst mark in French (a D).
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Elaine
October 14th, 2009 - 4:18:22 AM
I think the mistake here isn't about if Einstein did well or not at school. Is the author being a journalist can make such a mistake without doing his research properly- "(on the German grading scale of 1-4), which idiot Americans later assumed, backwardly, were “D”s.“ How many people really read the comment section to get the right info?? Makes me feel even stronger on how, internet journalism can be so powerful but yet ignorantly deceiving.
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Jeff
October 14th, 2009 - 7:38:18 AM
@George, The direction of a toilet flush is based on the design of the toilet, not the geographic location.
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sporky
October 14th, 2009 - 12:59:45 PM
whaaaat!?!?!? I TOTALLY was sure vikings had horns! Man, how did I get THAT wrong?
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Hanyang
October 15th, 2009 - 12:58:55 AM
好久不見 hi How are you
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Gullnir
October 15th, 2009 - 3:24:07 AM
Viking do have horns, just not on their heads, because the beer would then fall out!
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someone
October 15th, 2009 - 5:18:15 AM
the assumption about einstein is contradictary, in germany a 4 is indeed comparable to a D, since the german grades very from 1-6; 1 being the best and 6 being the worst
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Scott
October 17th, 2009 - 2:15:50 AM
Alright, this oughta help out: uneqivocal proof that water does swirl in different directions depending on the hemisphere. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=613JTgk5AUM In the video, which takes place within a few feet of the equator, you clearly see the water change direction even though the bowl is the same. It has nothing to do with the make of the toilet or any other such nonsense.
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Brad
October 18th, 2009 - 2:07:36 AM
Duh, NOBODY ever said Columbus thought the earth was flat. If he did, he wouldn't have gone off sailing west trying to reach the Indies. The author of this article is an idiot.
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Bernard
October 19th, 2009 - 12:07:40 PM
#9 no, Columbus thought he was at Japan, not India. Indian is what one group he met called themselves.
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Yaron
October 23rd, 2009 - 12:09:03 AM
Number 10 is incorrect, bitterness is the only taste you can taste throughout your entire tongue, these facts are not opposite to each other, you should have listened more carefully in biology classes...
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Djoh
October 24th, 2009 - 6:04:31 AM
Yeah, lot of bullshits in this one. Wated does flush in different directions, it's called the Coriolis effect.
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jhn
October 25th, 2009 - 12:28:41 PM
The Coriolis effect has no influence on the direction of water in a terlet. The author is correct. That stupid myth has been debunked by experiments, amateur and professional, and physicists over and over. Everything in this article is correct, and you doubters are idiots. http://www.snopes.com/science/coriolis.asp
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Bandi
October 27th, 2009 - 1:35:50 PM
Albert Einstein was from Switzerland. In Switzerland a 6 is the highest Degree and 1 the lowest. http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schulnote#Schweiz
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Elaine
October 27th, 2009 - 1:57:41 PM
Einstein is NOT from Switzerland, he was born/raised in Ulm, Germany and only went to Switzerland in his late teens because he had trouble at school in Germany. He did not even pass his entrance exam at the first school. He was good at the science subjects and not the rest, which make it arguable if he "got bad grades at school" as the author wrote. He did in some but not the rest. AND- the problem here is the author of this article wrote "Einstein was a top student in elementary school, getting mostly “4″s (on the German grading scale of 1-4), which idiot Americans later assumed, backwardly, were “D”s. " He did go to elementary school in Germany and the German grading system is NOT 1-4 and 4 is about Ds. I am not American but who is the idiot here? Plain ignorance. But, seriously he is a genius and who really cares if he got straight As at school or not. It's just sad that people do not check the facts before they start forming opinions and even writing/publishing articles about it.
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Kristiono Setyadi
October 28th, 2009 - 12:48:02 AM
Well.. I don't believe it. At least, you didn't provide with a trustful links with each category. I think you have fail on this. Sorry.
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ZackG
October 28th, 2009 - 12:54:50 AM
hahaha Great Nothing better than giving the ol' Public School System a big F-K YOU!!
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Jack
November 1st, 2009 - 2:25:11 PM
"Number 10 is incorrect, bitterness is the only taste you can taste throughout your entire tongue, these facts are not opposite to each other, you should have listened more carefully in biology classes…" Easy to solve: do a test. I just tested salt and can taste it over my entire tongue, not just in once place. Fail.
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a
November 2nd, 2009 - 9:18:19 PM
Again, for emphasis: Duh, NOBODY ever said Columbus thought the earth was flat. If he did, he wouldn’t have gone off sailing west trying to reach the Indies. The author of this article is an idiot. <---- TRUE
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Fausto
November 3rd, 2009 - 3:08:23 AM
Anyone can write anything on the internet. Even idiots like the author of this shit can write things on the internet. You're a complete idiot... By the way im german and here de grade is 1 to 4 being 1 the best grade
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Wladimir
November 3rd, 2009 - 6:11:13 AM
Hi, I think you missed physics class? Water DO flushes differently in different hemispheres because of Coriolis Effect: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coriolis_effect
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Vole
November 9th, 2009 - 9:55:55 AM
Coriolis effect demonstrated at the equator. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nTaP5L6iTAY Of course a pedant will say this is a sink draining and not a toilet flushing.
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Lewis
November 19th, 2009 - 11:15:49 AM
Also, the creatures we evolved from WERE apes, just not any currently extant species of ape.
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Somekinda guysittinghere
November 20th, 2009 - 5:19:40 AM
Does anyone here know if all of these facts are actually true? What about the second, third, and fifth ones specifically. I'm trying to figure this out here now.
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Dave
November 20th, 2009 - 7:55:14 AM
Very interesting stuff, but it looks like it was written by a moron. The idiotic way it is written spoils it entirely
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hobs
November 20th, 2009 - 7:56:58 AM
I have personally been to the equator and seen the Coriolis effect demonstrated without toilets, but using the same drain on both sides, and the middle of the equator, he showed 3 different spins.
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Ashwin
November 21st, 2009 - 12:29:15 PM
Well I really don't think this article is able to provide some genuinely groundbreaking information, though it certainly provides you a number of laughs due to its humorous undertone. My school never told me that Columbus thought earth was flat, neither did they teach me anything about evolution of human from monkeys (yes, they told me that human did evolve from a primitive form of ape-like thing and joked about monkeys being like brothers to us). Anyways, you have lost the plot at many points, dear, while trying to do investigative internet journalism. May be, Einstein really didn't perform well in some subjects at school barring Maths.. who cares, and how can you be sure he really was a topper.
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Carlos
January 21st, 2010 - 9:31:04 PM
Ha!.. The comments are way better than the article.
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brad
February 21st, 2010 - 2:32:49 PM
actually, different parts of the tongue have different taste sensations, i asked my psychology teacher this one, and he has a PhD in psychology so I'm sure he knows what hes talking about
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sasha
April 7th, 2010 - 1:53:53 PM
Hey! I just want u to know that Germany uses a 6-point grading scale: 1 (excellent) - 6 (insufficient). So if Einstein had had mostly "4"s , he would have been a sufficient student and not excellent. Just in case :)
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michael
July 26th, 2010 - 7:45:42 PM
Inventor of the light bulb filament believe Russian Electrical Engineer Lodygin. In 1872, he demonstrated a sample bulb with carbon filament, and received the privilege (patent) № 1847. And its Edison invented in 1881 after a visit to Russia, where in the palaces of light bulbs shining for almost 10 years.
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Oleg
July 28th, 2010 - 12:54:38 AM
Concerning item 10. If you read yourselves so intellectual person that record where нибудь the following: the bulb was invented by Russian scientist Jablochkov, and the others only it have improved all.
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Oleg
July 28th, 2010 - 1:07:14 AM
Forgive, I specify)))))) Concerning item 4. If you read yourselves so intellectual person that record where нибудь the following: the bulb was invented by Russian scientist Jablochkov, and the others only it have improved all.
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