Tomorrow, NASA Will Bomb The Moon.

By Mark Lorenz on October 8th, 2009

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I hope you aren’t anywhere near Michael Bay, because you would be crushed by his massive erection.

Tomorrow, NASA is planning an experiment where they send a bomb into a moon, followed by a craft to film the whole shebang to search for ice and water and candy. And magical moon creatures and the things that make nice dreams. This is costing taxpayers 76 million dollars. So, if you’re keeping score, between abstinence only education and bombing the moon, taxpayers have spent 120 million dollars. HEALTHCARE?! WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?!

Finally, my dream of firing missles at the moon will be realized. Only I won’t be be one doing it. The mission is called LCROSS, perhaps an homage to pointless events. You can watch the blast live online, if you want, you sick fucks, or through a 12-inch telescope. Because apparently, it’s going to be large. According to NASA:

“The Centaur rocket will strike first, transforming 2200 kg of mass and 10 billion joules of kinetic energy into a blinding flash of heat and light. Researchers expect the impact to throw up a plume of debris as high as 10 km. Close behind, the LCROSS mothership will photograph the collision for NASA TV and then fly right through the debris plume. Onboard spectrometers will analyze the sunlit plume for signs of water (H2O), water fragments (OH), salts, clays, hydrated minerals and assorted organic molecules.”

Wow. Purty highfalutin’ talk for an organization about to bomb the friggin’ moon. What are you, SCIENTISTS, or something?

So, to find water, we’re firing missiles. CUE ZE SCORPIONS.