There’s a new company out there that does hilariously badly acted “sexy” video greeting cards you can send your friends online. It’s called fantasy video greetings. The cards are mostly made up of chicks in hot underwear hoping you “get well soon” or congratulating you for graduating. The central thesis of the website seems to be that the best cure for getting sick is to get an erection. While I cannot disprove this theory, I did once try to cure a cold by staying erect the entire time. I can honestly say that was the most painful seven days of my life. I highly recommend this get well soon video – particularly for the ending. The director stays on the girl just a little bit too long, and she blinks uncomfortably, and it’s rad.
I have sent most of these cards to my dad at work, to which he has sent such reply emails as , “Son, I wish you wouldn’t send me these at work,” and “Son, please. Cut it out.” But, little does he know, I’m probably going to keep doing it.
Having watched through most of these cards now, which are so short even I have a hard time completing the act while watching them, I have decided to write my own to see if they will hire me. Here is the actual script I submitted:
Int. A Kitchen – Day
A hot chick in frilly underwear is frying a sausage. The grease is spattering her, and it obviously hurts, but she is trying not to show it.
The hot chick turns to the camera.
HOT CHICK
Oh, hello there. Say, I heard you graduated from college. Now that you’ve done that, you should probably ejaculate.
The hot chick smiles. Some of the grease from the sausages hits her on the lip. It burns. Nonetheless, she winks seductively.
THE END
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