Dear 7-11: You are not now, never have been, and never will be “hip”. People don’t come to you because they think being seen in your store is a sign of status; you’re just easy to get to, and cheap. You’re like the first girl I ever got together with in that way. But believe me, that doesn’t make you any more attractive.
Your latest marketing campaign “Wake up with a hot Brazilian” just makes me wonder if you understand your audience. Do you really think there’s that much of an overlap between the people who play Internet porn games and 7-11 customers? Wait, I think I just answered my own question. Does sexual frustration equal coffee sales, in your mind? Are you honestly trying to associate your convenience store brand with Rio de Janiero? Psst, here’s a quick tip: the pathetic-pick-up-line-as-video-game idea went out in the late ’80s with the Leisure Suit Larry games. And being forced to play a rudimentary Dance Dance Revolution-style game when all you want to do is watch a cute girl dance for you is beyond stupid.
So, good luck in your hilarious efforts to compete with the likes of Starbucks, Peet’s, and the hundreds of other coffee retailers out there who already do a many powers of magnitude better job of delivering boutique java than you ever could dream of doing. Because when I think of a damn good cup of coffee, 7-11 is always the first name that springs to mind.
Comments
Jym
October 8th, 2009 - 6:11:29 PM
Don't hold back...tell us how you really feel!
Joseph
October 9th, 2009 - 10:47:02 AM
I dunno, I think sometime around Dumb & Dumber, the Big Gulp and, by way of association, 7-11 were considered somewhat "hip" by a particular subsection of North American teenage males.
Dasha
October 14th, 2009 - 9:24:24 AM
I agree about 7-Eleven and coffee - Sorry people, but I'm just not gonna think of you as a gourmet coffee house. But 7-Eleven not cool? I gotta disagree - they converted their stores in to Quick-E-Marts when the simpsons came out! That's damn cool in my book. I guess you only shop at the FINEST gas stations... And what's your deal with this site? It's well designed, the girls are hot, and I thought it was pretty funny (not so much the girls... but that Enrique dude is hilarious). Sure it's kind of "leisure suit larry," but it's more fun than 90% of the other 'viral' sites people put out. Plus, leisure suit larry rules! Dude, If you want to play Halo, bust out your PS3.