Good new, Transformers fans. If you weren’t absolutely infuriated by the second movie, if your balls weren’t adequately punched by by Michael Bay’s iron hand, there’s good news for you.
You are a superman. You are the next step. You are what all of us hope to evolve into. Also, they’re making a new Transformers movie so your indestructible attention spans will be tickled in 2011.
I remember reading that Transformers 2 had the lowest satisfaction rate for audience members of any polled summer movie. I can’t remember the figure, so you can accuse me of completely fabricating that, but you’ll make my puppy cry. And it’s a movie about giant fighting toys. Also coming back is Megan Fox. No word on whether Shia LeBeouf and his molester’s goatee will make an appearance, but if you’ve been sorely lacking an actor screaming, “NO!” and running repeatedly I’d imagine you’ll soon be in robot heaven. Like he went to, IN THE SECOND MOVIE.
I’d imagine Transformers 3 will not do as much business as the second film, because once you get punched in the face once, generally you duck. Also, there’s no way we will all be as enthusiastic to see Megan Fox after two more years of ridiculous shiz flying out of her mouth. Unless you’re the next step. And a better man than I.
Comments
Sergio
October 3rd, 2009 - 9:58:02 AM
Yes Mr. Lorenz the movie had its issues, but when you are going to make fun of someone or something first make sure you know what you are talking about. Sam does not go to Autobot heaven, he travels into the matrix. It's part of Transformers mythology. It is similar to the crystals in the Superman movies.
Steven K
October 4th, 2009 - 2:46:33 PM
Trans.2 was a 3 hour long commercial... The optimus powerup made me think of toys spoiled dumb white children will buy. I liked the series as a little guy and Michael Bay completely sold it out to Hasbro. I give him the official Fuck You
Liam Dilley
October 4th, 2009 - 3:24:43 PM
Gi-Joe Was the one that got low viewer opinion. Transformers 2 was the one that got slated by the critics but did well at the box office I think.
emptyaddy
October 5th, 2009 - 4:53:53 PM
The Transformer films were not/are not even that bad. They need to stop polling cinema savant nerds that hate any film that isn't what they would have made (if they themselves had even made better decisions in life to actually be near someone that trusted them enough to give a +$200 million dollar blank check). They need to stop polls, of any kind, period. The films fill a niche. Such niche is EXTREMELY marketed so surprise, ball-donkey punched, or whatever it is /b/tards of such linked forums (like so housing those who think wit and "matter-of-fact" presentation is the same as real journalism...or talented writing) say these days about said films. All above will see and circle jerk each other while in line or while pirating Transformers 3 so the facade of an issue in conflict is about, I don't know, about 3 months done to death and 2 years overdone.