Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is Jewish?

By Mark Lorenz on October 3rd, 2009

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Well, well, well. Well played, international media. You notice the way Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stands at a microphone to deliver speeches, like he’s been practicing on the Borscht belt for years? Or he yells a little too loudly about how the Holocaust never happened? Or cried after he watched a staging of Anne Frank?

Well, that’s because his family, according to the Daily Telegraph, allegedly happened to be Jewish. That’s right. And he’s apparently filled with the Jewiest of attributes, an enormous backlog of self-loathing. Just like GOP candidates who hit the turf campaigning on family values, then wind up boning their staff with lubed gloves, Ahmadinejad has made quite a career heading up an unpopular government by yelling about the Holocaust, and how it never happened. And campaigning to destroy Israel.

In a close-up of a photo of him holding up his papers, taken after the March 2008 election, the paper alleges you can see his family name was previously Sabourjian – a jewish name roughly translated to “Weaver of the Sabour”. The Sabour is a Jewish shawl in Persia. People with the surname usually hail from Aradan, Ahmadinejad’s birthplace. Other signs of suspicion? This year he admitted his family changed his name it during a presidential debate. And he’s had a few bloggers arrested and probably tortured that have questioned it. Nice. I know where I’m headed.

Chances are he’ll be denying a lot soon. But if all else fails, he can blame the liberal media. I heard they were controlled by the Jews.