Welcome to this week’s segment of headlines I’d never think I’d write.
Aww, lawd, you think those Indian boys playing the game of true gentlemen could keep out of trouble. And for the most part, they’ve been able to. Until, I kid you not, Masturgate. Apparently in the player’s manual, written by Gary Kirsten, head coach, players are encouraged to have sex before matches because…
“From a psychological perspective, having sex increased testosterone levels, which causes an increase in strength, energy, aggression and competitiveness.”
Withdrawing from sex has been a technique many athletes have used over the years, especially in boxing, where blue balls actually contribute to your punching power. Unless you’re Mike Tyson. That guy was a machine. Anyway, encouraging athletes to have sex isn’t really something that’s been done much of, unless you’re a college recruiter trying to get someone to go to your school.
The manual outlines specifics about what to do if you can’t find a partner the night before a big match. Jesus christ, if top of the line cricket players from India aren’t getting laid, what hope is there for the rest of us?
“If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine. No pillow talk and no hugging required … just roll over and go to sleep.”
Roll over and sleep. You just read a pamphlet on how to masturbate. Now, for some reason, I must play cricket.
Comments
Kevin
October 2nd, 2009 - 6:46:22 AM
Well sometimes things need to be spelled out for people! Hilarious story!