Proving that we are a nation on the brink, splashed all over Google today is the information everyone is apparently dying to know. Did Soulja Boy get married? Did he Ssuperman that ho? Will this all end terribly? In flames, with vengeance wreaked from on high?
Most likely, yes. To all of these questions.
Soulja Boy, born DeAndre Ramone Way, has apparently proposed to a video ho. Named Rosa Acosta. And no, she’s not a character from West Side Story. Soulja Boy, (you type that enough you start thinking that you’re going insane) usually informs his fanbase of his every move via Twitter. And we mean every. Literally. Go on his Twitter now. Straight out of a sketch from Chappelle’s show, there’s a video of him driving around a remote control diamond Lamborghini chain. And probably one of him buying a gold-plated nut-tickler. And chapstick made out of endangered turtles, that he sets on fire. Except, this, according to a celebrity friend, he is trying to keep this under wraps.
Being that I’m in upstate New York for a wedding right now, in a town that doesn’t accept credit cards because it takes too long to verify them, my only advice to you Soulja Boy, is don’t do it. You’re what, 19? And the biggest flash in the pan ever? This girl gon’ fleece you. You gonna get robbed and fucked worse than most hyperbole rappers can come up with.