5 Ways She Shows She Doesn’t Deserve You

All your friends have been telling you for weeks that you’re too good for her. Naturally, you’ve risen to her defense—you like her, after all, and you’re no pussy. Granted, there are some things she does that make you a little crazy—but does that little crazy qualify as a deal breaker?

Expectations differ from one person to another, but there are some things I consider to be pretty unforgivable. If your girl is doing these and they bother you, and either you can’t talk to her about them or have talked to her about them and seen no change, I have three words for you: Dump That B#$%^! You can do better.

1.) She takes calls when you’re out on a date

OK, so business is business. You get that—or you should anyway. If she is in a job that requires a lot of her time after-hours, then you have to make a decision about whether you can be in a relationship with someone who has so little personal time. But if the calls she is taking are not business calls and are not related to a legitimate emergency, you need to see the behavior for what it is: she just doesn’t see the time spent with you as very important.

2.) She doesn’t get back to you

Lives are busy, I get it. But it takes two seconds to send a text message or make a call. If someone is on your mind, you’ll do it. At least I do. If you’re always the one initiating the texts, calls or e-mail exchanges and she’s letting days slip by without returning them, that’s a fairly clear indication that you’re not on her list of priorities. She might like you and you may have fun together, but if she’s not as attentive to you as you are to her, you would do best to put her in the same category and cast out the net for someone better.

3.) She cancels at the last second

I once made plans to meet someone and lost my voice the night before. Because I think canceling with less than 24-hours advance notice is rude and the reason for losing my voice was not contagious, I went to the restaurant we were supposed to meet early and, using a pen and paper, alerted the staff about the situation so they could direct him when he arrived. We had a blast passing notes throughout happy hour. We’re not seeing each other now, but it was a pretty memorable date and I’m glad I didn’t cancel.

What I’m saying is that weird stuff comes up all the time—I’d never lost my voice before and haven’t since—and while sometimes canceling is the only thing you can do, a person should not be canceling on you all the time. My tolerance is at one cancellation per every ten dates. If the number is higher than that, dump her! You deserve someone who respects the time you set aside to spend together. You have a life, too, there are plenty of things that you could be doing instead.

I don’t think I have to mention no-call-no-shows, because that should be pretty obvious. But just in case you’re one of those nice guys, a no-call-no-show is completely unacceptable unless something really, really gave happened.

4.) She always expects you to come to her

Chivalry—is it dead or not? I like to think it’s not, and while at first I expect someone I’m dating to be every bit the gallant knight, eventually the field must even out. If you live in a big city, like, say, Los Angeles, and she’s only willing to see you if you come up from your place in Venice to Glendale (which is up to an hour and a half in traffic), then she’s not thinking too much about your needs. I get that gas is not free and driving is a pain, but come on. She has to be fair.

If the deal is that she doesn’t have a vehicle and cabbing around or taking public transport is not an option in your city, she should at least be offering to help with the gas. Relationships are a give and take. If you don’t get the fundamentals down from the start, it’s gonna be one hell of a relationship.

This also applies to functions. If she’s only interested in going to places she likes and could give a hoot about what you want to do, then she needs to find someone with whom she has more in common. And you need to find a woman who’s less of an uncompromising princess.

5.) She doesn’t want you to be seen with her

Certain boutique hotels have what I call Incognito Lounges. This is where I take people on first dates—or illicit rendezvous. They’re not places I usually go to unwind and certainly not places I foursquare about or tell my friends I’m going. They’re places to be on the D-L, places I’m totally willing to give up for a few months should the date turn out to be a freak and cause me to want to avoid him.

I think it’s natural, depending on how much weirdness someone had experienced in their dating careers, to have these screening places, but if you find yourself doing nothing with her but hitting one Incognito Lounge after another, avoiding all public events and hot night spots, you should be weary. She could be in a relationship already and not being upfront about it. Or worse—she could be into you but ashamed to be seen anywhere with you.

If you’re not looking to be someone’s dirty little secret, my advice is: dump that b@#$%^!

Trust me, it’s better to go at ‘em alone than be used as a doormat.