It’s easy to do. You’re drunk, you have your cellphone, due to your complete lack of any friend wise enough to have taken it away, and you have something very important to say to someone. At least, at the time, in your polluted mind, it seemed crucial that you make the call. You are warned of the dangers of making these desperate calls, yet you do it anyway. Don’t feel bad, everyone is guilty of this at least once. These drunk dialing hall-of-famers, however, had the additional classic misfortune of being recorded as they slurred, fumbled, cursed and sang their way onto our list.
Peppito TMI Drunk Dial
Peppito makes the Drunk Dialing Hall of Fame for Extreme TMI. He’s drunk and decides to call “one of the boys.” The problem seems to be that when he tries to speak English, he can’t do it the “humane way.” Yeah … We don’t know what that means either. Anyway, Peppito has had an interesting and intoxicating night and wants to share news of his bodily functions with this “very importon” person in his life.
WOW Is Murder
This guy makes the list for Extreme Over-Dramatization. A drunk British friend calls for a chat, but the party he is calling doesn’t answer — probably because they are busy playing World of Warcraft. WOW is a heinous crime, equivalent to murder, in case you didn’t know. Before saying “end of message,” the caller warns his dear friend that committing murder is bad, not good. He tries to end the call at :37, but is not successful until quite some time later, after eating meatballs, yelling “hello” several times, and finally, professing his love.
Me and Joe
This singing drunk dialer makes the hall of fame for the Probably Won’t Remember It category. Everyone loves a happy drunk, right? This one sings a song about going fishing in the dark with Joe — at the top of his drunken lungs.
Love You Too, Grandma
This is the Most Tender Moment entry in the Drunk Dial Hall of Fame. The drunk dialer calls his grandmother from a party after sharing a childhood memory with a friend. It’s a very sweet and very drunk call — one I’m sure grandma won’t forget.
Let Me Paint You a Picture
This drunk dial makes the cut as the Artistic Merit hall-of-famer. The caller wants to describe the party he’s at in great detail, much like painting a picture with words. He finds the crushed Red Bull can particularly amazing. The call then shifts into a play by play of what’s going on until the caller looks around, realizes no one there actually has a vagina and decides to leave.
I’m Not Even Listening to You Right Now
The Emotional Mess entry in the drunk dialing hall of fame is very distraught and confused. For some reason he thinks he is talking to his wife throughout the call, although the teen boy on the line repeatedly gives him clues that he’s not. He’s on an emotional roller coaster and intent upon taking anyone he can get on the phone along with him for the ride.
When I See You, I’ll Fight You
Our Did I Say That Outloud? entry in the hall of fame goes to this guy, the douchebag who always says too much. He’s called maybe 83 people (with a deviation of 60?) and thinks that getting in a fight would be a lot of fun, then thinks better of it before hanging up.
Out of the Blue Drunk Dial
The Smooth Operator award goes to this drunk dialer. Nothing’s better than getting a call in the middle of the night from someone you haven’t spoken to in months. This guy tries to be smooth when she asks why he’s calling by telling her that she’s a random contact on his phone — but a smokin’ hot one. She seems fairly unimpressed.
Drunk Dial Fail
Meet Shannon, our Losing It drunk dialing hall-of famer. This would-be drunk dialer has lost the battery for her phone, but doesn’t let that stop her. She attempts to make a call anyway, while her friends try to explain that her call to Daddy will never go through.
I Want You Bad
This Drunken Poet hall-of-famer gets incredibly horny from seeing snow on the ground and wants to do indescribable things to the girl who gave him the wrong name. Oh, and he’d also love to watch the sunset with her.
HOMESTARRUNNER Drunk Dial
The Animated Drunk Dial spot on the list goes to HOMESTARRUNNER. A drunken Homestar calls his girlfriend, Marzipan, from a party to tell her how hot she is and what he’s going to do to her when he gets home.
Go F-ing Figure That One Out
The I Have a Favorite Word place in the Drunk Dialing Hall of Fame goes to this guy, who is absolutely appalled when the call goes to voicemail. It may be the middle of the night, but you better have the decency to answer the f-ing phone when he calls.
Wrong Number
Part 1 – Who Are You?
The Revenge Drunk Dialer in the hall of fame is this drunk woman who dials the wrong number and spills her whole life story to some college students. She claims not to have anything to drink, but that may have been because she already drank it all.
Part 2 – The Callback
After the first call, the guys decide to wait a few minutes and call her back. She tells them she’s home alone and wants them to bring booze and have sex with her — without causing her grief and hell.
4:20 AM – Answer Your MFing Phone
This caller brings us the Holla Atcha Boy entry on the list. He’s apparently enraged that the female he dialed didn’t answer and is in very desperate need of a chicken salad. It was 4:20 in the morning, why wouldn’t the bitch answer her phone?
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