We’ve all seen the lists of movies that should supposedly make men cry, and they’re generally all war or sports-oriented. That’s all well and good, stereotypes don’t exist by themselves, after all, but what about the others? What about those movies that men watch, that they just don’t want to admit made them choke up, or even wipe some tears away? Most of the time there’s a reason they won’t admit to this, but that doesn’t mean it never happened. These ten movies are guaranteed to have made many a man at least a little teary eyed, whether they’re man enough to admit it or not.
Short Circuit 2
Remember Johnny Five? Remember the original Short Circuit, and how badly we wanted to see a sequel? When it was delivered, nobody expected it to be much without Ally Sheedy and Steve Guttenberg backing up the world’s most lovable autonomous robot. We were all proved wrong when Fisher Stevens not only managed to play an Indian guy for the second time, effectively, but also because the movie was instantly just as classic as the original. While most of the film is the general ’80s motif of heroic shenanigans mixed with a love overcomes all attitude, it was the end that came out of nowhere. If you claim you didn’t choke up when Johnny Five died in Ben’s arms, only to be resurrected by his heartbroken friend moments later, you’re lying to yourself.
The Lion King
First of all, don’t even act like you never watched The Lion King, because nobody will believe you anyway. Once that’s out of the way, it’s time to come to terms with your reaction when Simba’s father, Mufasa, died in the film. As kids, this was especially difficult to watch, as what had been built up as nature’s greatest dad gets betrayed by his own brother, only to be trampled to death while his young son watches in horror. We all know Disney has a penchant for patricide, but still, this was a bit much for kids to take. Going back to watch the movie as adults, the effect is just as considerable. Men are forced to recognize just how sad the scene really is, when seen from more experienced eyes. You cried here.
Titanic
This one takes a lot for a man to admit that he even watched it in the first place, but it’s time you did. You’ve not only seen this, but you’ve probably seen this three or four times, and not always with a woman, either. It’s a solid movie, a good movie, and we act like it never happened because in public, it’s verboten. That’s fine, but here we can just admit that when the whole thing was over and done with, you had to wipe tears out of your eyes because it was just that sad. You don’t have to go and tell anyone, it’s alright. Your secret’s safe.
Batteries Not Included
This one’s a sleeper, since it’s a bit hard to come by these days. We saw it as kids, most of us anyway, and it was awesome. It was a movie about pocket-sized UFOs chasing away bullies and saving a building full of nice people. That’s a kid’s point of view. Watch this movie as a man, and you suddenly become aware of how desperately sad the entire situation really was. The cast of characters couldn’t be any more pathetic, and to top it off, those little UFOs weren’t invincible, either. What can only be assumed to be the UFO “wife” nearly died during childbirth, and on top of that, she had a stillborn baby UFO. The “slow” but big-hearted guy in the building takes the baby and somehow brings the little fella back to life, but that’s not after considerable heartache has already set in. Men watch this film today and realize it’s not all laughs and heroics, it’s actually got a real story behind it, with real sadness. If it’s been a while, go watch this again, you’ll see for yourself.
Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
This hardly needs explanation, since it’s one of the saddest scenes in movie history. You don’t need to be a Star Trek fan to recognize that Spock’s self-sacrifice and subsequent death, while his best friends are forced to watch powerlessly, is nothing short of heart-wrenching. Any man who has had a best friend, which is safely assumed to be all of us, can feel the sadness of the characters as they not only watch their friend die, but then give him a sendoff that makes most other funerals seem lame. Even if you managed to keep your eyes relatively dry during the death scene, keeping tears off those cheeks by the end of the eulogy is a gold-medal achievement.
The Fountain
This movie is likely some sort of scientific experiment, devised to see just how sad a movie can actually be. It was too weird for most to go see it in the theaters, and because of that lack of buzz, didn’t spread widely in video-sales later. The interesting thing about it is this: Every man who sees this film admits to openly crying by the time it was finished. It’s basically a romantic tragedy, but instead of being told in the archetypal chick-flick fashion, it’s told from a man’s point of view. On top of being a complete acid trip, it’s got some of the most beautiful cinematography you’ll ever witness. It’s also proof that Hugh Jackman actually does have considerable acting skills, because this movie did not have any adamantium involved. If you haven’t seen this movie, check it out, just do it alone so you don’t have to tell anyone how much you cried.
Edward Scissorhands
You didn’t have to have a crush on Wynona Ryder growing up to appreciate how sad this movie was. You just had to watch it, and experience it. Regardless of the fact that your girlfriend would probably choose him over you, you just can’t deny Johnny Depp’s acting skills, and he set the bar pretty high when he played Edward. This entire movie is like one long build-up to an expected and inevitable heartbreak, as he’s left all alone, knowing that the girl of his dreams loves him but unable to act on it. Maybe when you’re a kid, it’s just plain sad, but being an adult now this seems to hit a bit harder than remembered.
Romeo + Juliet
Much like Titanic, and oddly starring the same Leonardo DiCaprio, this movie is largely shunned by men as having never existed. Here’s the deal with this movie: It’s nothing like the play you hated reading in school. It has guns. It has cars. It’s a male-oriented movie, told almost entirely from the perspective of a group of men, who are locked in a vendetta blood-feud with other men. The love story is happening throughout all the man-drama. There are gunfights, fist fights, and people die. There’s comedy, there’s scantily-clad women, and there are drugs. If all that surprises you, then you need to watch this film. If you do, I promise you, you will be choking up and teary-eyed in the final scene, because it truly is one of the world’s most tragic stories ever told.
Neverending Story
Yes, The Neverending Story. When was the last time you watched this movie? You surely remember the hero, Atreyu, and the dragon that befriended him, Falkor. Do you remember the horse? Artax was Atreyu’s horse, and best friend. When they get stuck in the Swamps of Sadness, Artax is overcome by The Nothing and its numbing depression – to the point of suicide. The horse is swallowed by the bog while his young friend is forced to watch, unable to pull him to safety, screaming with grief. Since kids do understand the loss of a pet, we were all hit pretty hard by this growing up. It doesn’t get any easier as adults.
Return of the Jedi
The death scene that millions knew would happen, but weren’t expecting. Darth Vader ceased to be in one pivotal moment, giving way to his true self, Anakin Skywalker. This transformation happened decades before Hayden Christensen would have a chance to soil the role in his whiny, talentless portrayal of the iconic figure. Vader is forced to choose not between right and wrong, but between obeying his master and saving his only son. His love for his son overcomes, and he sacrifices himself in order to save him, left with only moments of life afterward to spend with him as his father. This scene, short as it may be, is the only time we ever got to know Anakin, and he was truly fatherly for that short time he spent with Luke. This is a tear-jerker.
Comments
Jeremy Suede
September 14th, 2009 - 3:42:15 PM
Don't forget Rudy, either when all the other players give up their jerseys so Rudy can play or when he finally does get out on that field. Tears every time
mo
September 14th, 2009 - 3:47:27 PM
None of these movies made me even remotely sad. Not everyone is that sensitive, pussy.
Patrick Dugan
September 14th, 2009 - 4:28:03 PM
this list is a fail because its missing the one true movie that gets to all guys.. Field of Dreams
Roberto Azula
September 14th, 2009 - 4:28:09 PM
Um, wow. Short Circuit 2? Titanic? No offense, but were you gelded recently? Were you crying because the movies were so godawful? Romeo + Juliet? Um, were you strapped to the chair A Clockwork Orange style when you were watching that film, or did you actually watch it on your own volition? Please, for the sake of the male gender, REWRITE THIS ARTICLE. I feel emasculated after reading this atrocity. Thank you!! :) Lion King? Good god in heaven.
Geek Scene
September 14th, 2009 - 4:29:02 PM
You totally forgot Rudy.
Doug
September 14th, 2009 - 4:29:13 PM
Please vacuum out your vaginal orifice, excess wuss has built up. Not a single war movie, not a single one, WTF? Does the site of a nerf gun make you quiver. Manolith, Wusolith. Never coming to this site again, die in a fire.
Koke
September 14th, 2009 - 4:30:05 PM
Real MAN shouldn't cry in any movies period
MARC
September 14th, 2009 - 4:32:22 PM
English Patient?!
David D
September 14th, 2009 - 4:34:43 PM
"None of these movies made me even remotely sad. Not everyone is that sensitive, pussy." Real men aren't afraid to experience emotion.. It's called living. Maybe you're just ghey, and are resisting, but it's okay, you can come out of the closet.
Chris
September 14th, 2009 - 4:35:35 PM
I agree. That is one pathetic list. How about: Old Yeller, E.T. Charlottes Web, Brokeback Mountain, Up? At least they are *supposed* to make you cry. (unike Short Circuit or Edward Scissor Hands which are so bad you *want* to cry.) Sheesh.
Cheap
September 14th, 2009 - 4:36:26 PM
too funny
MANLY
September 14th, 2009 - 4:38:36 PM
Wow, lots of football meatheads on here. Great list, if you havent seen the fountain and you're bitching about rudy you're probably a janitor with no GED. Gets you some education and cry like a gentleman.
Brian Lehman
September 14th, 2009 - 4:39:16 PM
What a lame list. Most of these make me cry because they're awful movies. You want to cry? "Straight Story" has to be here.
O
September 14th, 2009 - 4:39:17 PM
I can't believe Saving Private Ryan didn't make the list. When the old guy breaks down at the grave knowing what the others gave up for him so that he could live and have a family.
Steve
September 14th, 2009 - 4:40:25 PM
The Notebook?
Tull
September 14th, 2009 - 4:44:37 PM
I cried in Shawshank Redemption. Hell, I cried in Forest Gump but Titanic? It was just a about a snotty 90's kid living in a victorian world and backtalking all the one-dimensional Victorian characters in order to look cool. The acting was so bad you were relieved when the poor fool finally died. Kind of like the movie Pearl Harbor, where the fake drama was so bad, you actually wound up cheering for the Japanese because they were more real than anyone else in the flick.
Keith
September 14th, 2009 - 4:46:12 PM
This list is missing Armageddon.
Chad
September 14th, 2009 - 4:46:47 PM
Yea, what about Rudy....and you can't leave out Brian's Song. You actually are not a man if you don't cry at these movies, I say! Relevant plug: you can watch the latter here if you need a good soulful cry: http://crackle.com/c/Brians_Song_(1971) Chad Community Manager, Crackle
Wow,,,
September 14th, 2009 - 4:47:45 PM
This is a terrible list. Most of these movies are cheaply sentimental at best. There is very little truly emotional about them. There are some seriously rough movies out there, but none of these. Did you guys let your kids come in and make this list? because if I was 12 I guess it might be a little tough.
Nate
September 14th, 2009 - 4:48:31 PM
There's only two movies that any man is allowed - and expected - to cry during 1) Old Yeller, 2) Brian's Song
James
September 14th, 2009 - 4:55:20 PM
Before I opened the link to this I said to myself "The Fountain had better be on that list." It's the only movie in my adult life that made me cry.
DiggeR
September 14th, 2009 - 4:55:39 PM
C'mon, Remember the Titans, Green Mile....what's with Titanic? Has any self respecting man actually seen it?
OMG - you're all idiots
September 14th, 2009 - 4:57:35 PM
WTF? Big Fish Gladiator major misses
bz
September 14th, 2009 - 4:57:44 PM
Iron Giant.
Matt B
September 14th, 2009 - 4:58:30 PM
Titanic? Nah. How about Blow, Forrest Gump and Click...all three of them bad boys get me.
Tadd
September 14th, 2009 - 4:59:10 PM
This list is wrong. this is a list for pussies. only one movie moment has ever made me weep. Transformers the movie. When Prime died. nothing else comes close.
anon
September 14th, 2009 - 4:59:54 PM
I can watch most of these movies and usually psyche myself out of crying, but the death of Artax always... ALWAYS gets me. Atreyu's screams always sound very genuine. The accompanying music invokes the kind of grief that wrings your heart out like a sponge. And the slow shot of Atreyu sitting alone in the swamp, waiting and hoping for his friend to come back is just too overwhelming. F***. Does anyone have a tissue?
Donnie McClarest
September 14th, 2009 - 5:00:15 PM
Armaggedon wasn't on the list!? It's one of the only I had wet eyes for. The part where the father sacrifices himself for his daughter.
Devi
September 14th, 2009 - 5:02:29 PM
The first movie i ever cried at Lord of the Rings: Return of the king When everyone kneels to the hobbits (Tears!!!!!)
Sara
September 14th, 2009 - 5:03:07 PM
Why was 'The Natural' not on this list? My ex-convict brother cries during that movie.
B Harris
September 14th, 2009 - 5:05:45 PM
I almost cried watching "A Walk to Remember" .....I'm not ashamed of it.
Markinohio
September 14th, 2009 - 5:06:59 PM
My Dog Skip should be on the list, IMO. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0156812/
Kris
September 14th, 2009 - 5:07:03 PM
My husband bawls like a baby at Charlie Chaplin's City Lights. Every. Single. Time. And he is the biggest stud in the universe.
Anthony C.
September 14th, 2009 - 5:08:39 PM
From the second I started reading I was like, "Where's Return of the Jedi...where's Return of the Jedi.." Thank you! I think the main reason it made/makes me cry is closely associating with the death of my own father.
brie987
September 14th, 2009 - 5:19:16 PM
vacant tear ducts except for 1) Aliens 2) Rambo 3) Charlotte's' Web
Jeremy Suede
September 14th, 2009 - 5:26:18 PM
Good call on Shawshank, that is a good one. But one other that has also yet to be mentioned is Old Yeller. Watching Travis go out to that shed is heart breaking
DJ Emir
September 14th, 2009 - 5:28:14 PM
Titanic didn't do it for me, nor did many of the others on your list but "Big Fish" had some joyfull/sad tears during the ending it was just dare I say too beautiful, same goes for Lord of the rings the return of the king everytime I watch the movie right after they crown Aragon King he is reunited with his love semi teary followed by the big One as he reaches the four Hobits just as they start to bow, Aragon stops them from bowing and says "My friends... you bow to no One" after which he proceeds to bow before them followed by everyone else in the courtyard bowing to the Hobbits. That gets me every single time, because of everything they all went through, and knowing the bigotry of times like that where most humans always looked down on them (no pun intended) or didn't lay much worth on a Hobbit's ability to save the day. Yet here was an entire courtyard of humans and elves bowing before the 4 tiny little hobbits as a sign of respect and gratitude for saving the entire world from the brink of oblivion. The epic musical soundtrack also plays a big role in the ability of this movie to draw tears as does the fact that it has like 10 mini endings in a row. Anyway that is probably my number One tear jerker, even if they are semi happy tears. I think the whole series is so dark and full of despair, to finally feel like a great weight is lifted yet understand just how many sacrificed their lives or their lifestyles before it was all over just really gets to you. So does the fact that after that ordeal Bilbo can't even go back to the shire. I mean, how do you just go back to a normal life after something like that? - www.djemir.com mixtapes
copacetic
September 14th, 2009 - 5:31:13 PM
No inclusion of Up? That single shot of Carl holding the balloon, alone, at his wife's funeral....I'm glad I was alone in the theater (matinee showing) because I immediately started crying. So sad.
kdnolan
September 14th, 2009 - 5:56:12 PM
Transformers the movie is the only movie that should have ever made any self respecting man cry!!!!!! (and maybe the Michael Bay abominations... but for totally different reasons)
Burgess
September 14th, 2009 - 6:15:24 PM
Anyone of any gender who doesn't cry watching The Fountain is probably unconscious or already dead and shouldn't watch movies anymore.
abner
September 14th, 2009 - 6:56:22 PM
No Big Fish? FAIL!
machonacho
September 14th, 2009 - 8:04:37 PM
titanic wuz balls, not bawls. also: r u srsly saying Armageddon?
Mr. Chopper
September 15th, 2009 - 6:07:27 AM
No Terminator 2? WTF! Titantic made me cry because I realised Cameron had not only jumped the shark, but been fucked by it and taken a rather large pay off to let people watch him being fucked by it.
Anonymous
September 15th, 2009 - 6:58:44 AM
Only movie that made me cry was Pokemon: The First Movie when Ash turned to stone. Hey, i was 5, okay? Shutup...
Duckman
September 15th, 2009 - 9:38:23 AM
Revised list: Never Ending Story - horse dies, sure. Iron Giant - he sacrifices himself, okay. Big Fish - carries father into lake, definitely. A.I. - robot boy finally gets a day with his mom, yeah. Into the Wild - he dies in bus, sorta. Knowing - dad knows he can't leave with son, a little bit. Marley and Me - dog dies, why not. The Express - Ernies dies before playing in NFL, touching. Forrest Gump - Jenny dies, of course. My Girl - His "Girl" dies, damn those bees.
Christ Jesus
September 15th, 2009 - 9:44:58 AM
Anyone else here seen the documentary Dear Zachary? Do a search, and if you have Netflix it's a free online movie. It's so hard not to cry. And to this day, it's the only movie that actually ever brought real tears. Up was a good inclusion. Terrific movie, the guy "Duckman" above me seems to be a blubbering vag. Wow. I count 10 movies that sat this "man" off.
Matt
September 15th, 2009 - 12:04:15 PM
I cried during: Short Circuit 2, The Lion King and The Neverending Story. And I'm not a big crier either. Also, for those of you asking about Rudy or Saving Private Ryan, the post begins by saying "outside of war-flicks and sports-movies ... these are the films that make men cry." So yeah, Rudy and SPR are already disqualified.
Biff
September 21st, 2009 - 10:40:49 AM
These didnt make me cry. When I saw Eight Below though, I craid bukkits!
fuckall
September 21st, 2009 - 11:00:50 AM
Ive seen all these movies, and though it felt I didnt cry, a movie that totally got me crying like a little baby was: (yup, its a fucking anime movie, but japs they do know how to) Grave of the fireflies. Im fucking telling you guys, u need some crying? See this movie, its fucking insanse, SPOILER, the two carachters, loose their parents, they are starving through the whole fucking movie, just to see the youngest little girl make sandcakes! cakes outta fucking sand... then off course she dies, and the brother sees this, and dies after a while too. Why not? Now that is some real crying waiting for all you real men if u see it, dont see it with ur friends. See it alone.
1000redips
September 28th, 2009 - 6:56:03 AM
I haven't seen any of those movies on the list (except for the Lion King). Anyways, I don't cry during movies. I'm just not a movie crier. However, I did find two movies to be extremely sad. Dangerous Minds- When Ms. Johnson breaks the news to her class that one the classmates (Emilio) was shot and killed. That was very tragic. Up (2009)- For an animated movie, it sure is emotional! Especially near the end when Carl was looking through the scrapbook. I probably would have cried if my mom wasn't sitting right next to me.
1000redips
September 28th, 2009 - 7:20:26 AM
Oh yeah I forgot to mention one movie that actually brought me to tears. Armageddon- I cried only because if how horrible it was! So corny! Side note: There are some sad movies (We Are Marshall, John Q, and Pay It Forward) that just make me mad. Don't you people feel manipulated when you watch that overly sentimental tripe!?
Smoker06
September 30th, 2009 - 1:27:39 PM
There is only one movie that has made me cry.... "Brian's Song"; and I was ten years old at the time.