Record Setting Bodysuits Now Banned in Swimming Competitions

By Mark Lorenz on August 22nd, 2009

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Mostly, the world cares about swimming every four years, as an activity between female gymnastics. But for those of the world who DO care, FINA, who has come under fire for not acting quickly as a regulatory body, you know, like most regulatory bodies, has banned the bodysuits experts claim have been partially responsible for setting world records. Granted, you need to be a good swimmer to set world records. This isn’t a GI-Joe suit, or an Asimo robot that you can strap to Orson Welles. But the suits have purportedly created air trappings, which accelerates swimmers, which makes them go really really fast. This gives advantages to countries who can afford to sink R&D funds into researching swimming technology. Basically, the westernized ones. The only time I’ve ever seen pictures of the things, unfortunately, was when Speedo was showing them off, and really, the only crime I could find was, like most wetsuits, they highlight the genitals. Only these genitals belong to international athletes, which are normally highlighted by cocktail waitresses. FINA, interestingly enough, only regulates international championships and the Olympics. So, if you’ve got a kid, and you think he needs help swimming fast, you do the math. No governing body is frowning on you. Go for it. Losers don’t get ice cream.

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