KFC Proves Man’s Inhumanity To Man

By Akela Talamasca on August 20th, 2009

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Can this possibly be real? Take a look at this second-hand shot commercial for a new KFC product, the Doubledown Chicken Sandwich.

I honestly don’t know if this is a joke or not.

I’d believe either thing; either this is a joke, and someone created a fake commercial for practical joke purposes — which isn’t really that hard to do these days — or this is real, and there are some serious misanthropes behind the scenes at KFC headquarters.

Awesome comedian and actor Patton Oswalt has a whole stand-up bit where he rants about KFC’s Famous Bowl, calling it a “failure pile in a sadness bowl”. And he’s right. KFC has managed to make popular a feeding trough for humans. And this Doubledown Chicken Sandwich is merely the next step.

It’s not even a sandwich anymore. John Montagu, the 4th Earl of Sandwich was a gambler who wanted to keep his cards from getting greasy while he played, so he came up with the innovation of holding the meat between two pieces of bread, and thus the “sandwich” was born. And now, decades later, KFC has undone that moment of genius.

Does KFC have something against the breadmakers of America? Is this move in retaliation for some unknown slight perpetrated against them at some point in history? Are we going to eventually reach the point where we’ll just go into a KFC and start gnawing on gigantic slabs of mutant chicken dangling from meathooks in the ceiling? Isn’t that what the rest of the world thinks of America anyway? Bravo, KFC, bravo. This was the tipping point I needed to complete my conversion to vegetarianism. My son thanks you; now I’ll be around to watch him grow up.