THEY INVENTED A SEXDOLL FOR DOGS. HOLD MY CALLS.

By Mark Lorenz on August 4th, 2009

For years, in Illinois, my grandmother lived with our family. This was not especially terrible, but she brought a yappy old Shih Tzu with a bad back, and a tendency to hump things whenever he got excited. Like, whenever he got excited. Whenever. So we’d be playing ball with him and chasing him around the house, when he’d suddenly get the idea in his doggie head, that despite his bad back and the game in progress, he had to hump then and there. Now, he wanders around in a diaper, because he pees on furniture. And diapers are apparently cheaper the costs of a shotgun and clean-up.

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But lo and behold, an inventor has apparently had the same problem, and invented the Doggie Love Doll. Shaped like a real dog, it comes fully equipped with a butthole. That’s really the only feature. Because that’s all your horny dog needs, is a butthole to violate.

This does pose a number of questions. Like, if you have a dog that humps things so much you have to buy a fake dog with a butthole, why don’t you get that dog NEUTERED? Also, why do I feel like humans are going to violate this much more than dogs? And this doesn’t cover clean-up. What’d, you think a receptacle for dog spunk is just going to clean itself?

Of course it doesn’t. Because THAT would be crazy.