Video games are super rad and everyone loves them. Even fat people. In fact, fat people love them even more, so like donuts and elevators, fat people always know what’s up. Here’s the 10 best video game endings we could think of.
So you’ve just spent about 36 hours in total beating this game and then 3/4 of the way through it turns out that the guy who’s been telling you to do stuff has been LYING TO YOU. OH DEAR GOD. I nearly threw the controller through the screen. You’ve been f**king LIED to by a VIDEO GAME. Needless to say, the game has four different endings. Try killing all the ‘Little Sisters’… you’ll get a very, very angry lady narrating your fate.
6. GTA San Andreas
After an intense month of playing (the rough average of how long it’ll take you to finish it, playing around an hour a day), you end up killing Samuel L Jackson’s character in your cul-de-sac. It’s pretty neat. Then everyone mills around your living room and you’re left with all your money and guns and left to go explore the state all on your lonesome. It’s a very – um – “jazzy” way to end a game. After the credits, it’s just back to you. You can go and buy all the apartments you wanted to buy, but at the same time, why bother?
The mother of all head-scratchers. You get no fanfare, no nothing. Just a “burned space” where the “book” was that you were “in”. It’s almost like you were woken up with a hangover rudely and can’t find proof of any of the escapades that happened the previous night.
Bully is a personal favorite. If you haven’t played the game, you play a low time school bully who rises up through the social ranks of the school. It’s a fantastic play if you’re a fan of sandbox style games as the story is rather involving and fun to replay time after time. At the end of this game you beat up the ultimate school bully on the clocktower and you get the girl and get to graduate. Furthermore, the game allows you to stay in the town the school is in and finish all the races, classes, and dates you didn’t get to finish, allowing you to comfortably get a 100% completion.
3. Donkey Kong
This game has no set ending, although as anyone who has seen the TOTALLY BRILLIANT AND FANTASTIC DOCUMENTARY (editors note: go see it) “The King Of Kong” knows, if you play for a long period of time (upwards of four, five, six hours) without dying you’ll eventually get to what is known as a “Kill Screen”, basically a bug in the software that cuts out all the background and has you jumping around aimlessly on numbers until you ultimately die. So that’s how the game ends. You never really get the Princess. Ain’t that a bitch.
Manolith writer Jim Chaney writes: “You spend the whole game thinking you’re a Bro, and then in the end… it turns out YOU’RE A CHICK, MAN”. That is a word for word quote from a man who has beat this game seventeen times. True, not so much a “wow” moment if you do thirteen seconds of Googling, but pretty neat-o for any of us who can actually remember beating games before there was no internet.
1. Metal Gear Solid
In the first game, which came out waaaaay back in 1998, Snake makes his (cloned!) “brother” an unwilling vessel for a crazy virus. I know that’s not much to write home about, but if you got as frustrated as I did playing this all of 11 years ago when you really should’ve been enjoying how awesome it is to “be 14″, then you’ll get why it’s one of the best endings, period.
3. Bonus Round
It’s a Japanese game, and by law, Japanese games are supposed to be totally whacked out and trippy (which is strange, because the pot laws in that country are i-n-s-a-n-e and yet they still come off with stuff like this). Your little ball become a Big Ball and then your previously tiny ball ends up rolling on and on, crushing stars and galaxies in its wake. It’s pretty neat, especially if you’re pretty high.