Revenge Bikini!

By Akela Talamasca on July 31st, 2009

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I don’t know whether to call this article fair warning or lament. Because either way, just by writing about it, the jig is up. A new bikini is being sold at racheshop.de that purports to completely dissolve when immersed in water. Billed as a “revenge bikini”, it’s meant for guys who have been dumped, and want to get a little revenge. Imagine it: you’ve been unceremoniously dropped by a girl you’ve been seeing, and you offer her a breakup gift to smooth the waters …

But let’s stop this little fantasy right there. First of all, who the hell gets presents for someone they just broke up with? “I guess you don’t love me after all … here, let me spend more money on you.” Does that make sense to anyone?

Second of all, what guy knows his ex-girlfriend’s bikini size? Most guys barely know their own clothing size. And come on, the only point to a revenge fantasy is that you’re there to watch the comeuppance. Let’s say she does accept this “gift” unawares — what’re you gonna do, just hang out around the girl who just said she wants nothing to do with you, and wait until she decides to go to the beach?

Also, and I didn’t know this until I started living with a woman, all new clothes get washed before they get worn. Women are not like men, y’all. They have higher standards for all kindsa things. So, I must say, this product is poorly thought-through. My recommendation for sure-fire revenge? Bumping into her a few months later and suggesting she get herself checked for STDs. Hey, it’s not nice, but then, that’s the point. You’re welcome.