This Just In: American Idol Is Rigged; Also Sky Is Blue

By Akela Talamasca on July 30th, 2009

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Remember Ju’Not Joyner? Season 8 of American Idol? I sure don’t, ’cause I don’t watch that show! Yay, me! Mostly because I’m a bitter old man who hates what music has become, but also because I’ve suspected for years what Ju’Not came right out and said in a recent chat session with AI fans for the AI Now site.

“It’s a fixed thing if I ever saw one,” he said. “All these shows have writers that guide the public opinion … Do you think a billion-dollar enterprise is subject to the whim of the public?” Man, did that feel good to read. It seems so obvious when you think about it, doesn’t it? It’s yet another instance of the Al Gore vote count phenomenon — if the process isn’t publicaly auditable, it’s open to corruption.

To be fair, this does sound like the whining of someone who felt he deserved to go farther than he did, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t true. Do I really think that millions of people nationwide have been fooled into thinking their votes actually affect the outcome of their favorite reality show? Absofrigginlutely I do. The best part about this is: it’s unprovable. So you can harbor whatever nutty conspiracy theory you like; it’s all good. And if you’re concerned about your favorite contestants and their future careers, come on now … if they’re talented, they’ll get picked up by someone. It’s a hungry industry. Hungry for the souls of the exploitable!

And for those of you with the ready rejoinder of “But it’s reality tv! Reality isn’t managed by faceless men in suits who care only for the bottom line!”, I merely wish you well. May your Bubble of Serenity never burst.