Best Homeless Begging Signs

By Jeff Wysaski on July 29th, 2009

For those of us that live in Los Angeles, we are pretty much guaranteed to encounter three things on a daily basis:

1. Ridiculous gridlock traffic
2. Some douche bag wearing an Ed Hardy t-shirt
3. A homeless person asking you for change

All three situations make me want to punch someone in the face. When it comes to the bums, I’ll go ahead and admit that I’m a heartless bastard. I don’t care how many appendages you’re missing – I’m not giving you any money.

A little harsh? Maybe. Yeah, I know they’re people too. But they’re lazy people who want my (kind of) hard-earned money (thanks Manolith!).

If they showed just one inkling of initiative, I’d be that much more encouraged to give them some food booze heroine money. The best and easiest way to do this is to write a clever, unique bum sign that stands out from the pack.

“Homeless and hungry.” Well you’re gonna stay that way with that boring old sign.
“Anything helps.” Does nothing count as anything?
“God Bless.” Snore fest.
“Ain’t gonna lie, need a beer.” Better, but still as stale as the “Got Milk?” campaign.

Has no one ever told these bums about the power of advertising? For Christ’s sake, someone get these guys a Mad Men DVD.

Okay, to be fair not ALL bums are writing uninspired begging signs. Every once in a while, some bum goes the extra mile and scrawls a few words of genius onto his cardboard sign. In such cases, I’m so impressed that I actually consider giving them some money (but I don’t). However, I can guarantee that people whose hearts aren’t encased in ice give more money then they ever would without that awesome sign.

So bums, if you happen to be reading this from a library (in between jerk off sessions), then take note. The best bum signs that are guaranteed to get you hammered faster, and more often are shown below. Everyone else, if you’ve seen a funny bum sign, feel free to light up that comment box.

Awesome bum sign