So there’s this chick on Twitter that you’re kind of into, which is weird because you haven’t really met her in person, but you just can’t help yourself—something about her tweets just gets you going.
Twitter is kind of like a giant office, in a way. You may not work in the same department, but you see the other person with some frequency, and get a general idea of what they’re up to and who they are. Of course, like with many of such workplace situations, it’s possible that your crush doesn’t know you exist. So how do you get the attention of a woman on Twitter?
Let’s start with what not to do.
“I’m not trying to hit on you, but…”
Dude. We don’t need disclaimers. We can tell when we’re being hit on, trust me. Saying this kind of thing will only make us think that you do want to hit on us, but don’t have enough creativity or balls to do it. It’s not polite, it just screams, “I’m so not alpha.”
The best thing about Twitter is its conciseness. Do not write an e-mail and send it over 140 characters at a time—at least until the person on the other end has expressed an interest. Yes, they may be tweeting up a storm about the most menial stuff imaginable, but that’s their choice about how to spend their time. Just because someone is on Twitter does not mean they have enough time—or desire—to go through twenty or even ten DMs from you. Keep it short. If you absolutely must go on at length, ask whether you can e-mail. But please try to keep that short too. Time is valuable and for many women, showing you understand that is a turn-on in and of itself.
TyPiNG liek diS
It’s one thing to shorten the message by using abbreviations and letters when you’re running out of space, but typing like you’re a lolcat on a regular basis is not going to get anybody hot. Wherever possible, speak the queen’s English to us. And remember—humor doesn’t always translate well via web.
Any compliment or sexy come-on followed by, “I’m drunk.”
If you need alcohol to tell a woman something, you just don’t have enough balls. At best, you look like you’re booty DMing, at worst, you look like an uninitiated boy playing out of his league. (And if you are booty DMing, well, you can do a lot better than that.)
Random sexy nothings
I won’t lie—they can work. But if you’re doing it without any previous contact, you absolutely must ensure you’ve selected the right woman to receive the message. Here’s a hint: just because a woman is a sex blogger, or fond of detailing her exploits on Twitter, or sporting an avatar of her tits, does not mean she wants to sleep with you. All that means is that she likes sex, or she’s having sex with people other than you, or she thinks her boobs are hot. Really. That’s all. It has nothing to do with you. So sexy nothings are risky. They can pay off, but they’re risky. My suggestion? Test the waters first with normal conversation and then get naughty.
“How do I meet you?”
This isn’t a bad question in and of itself. You will ask it eventually—in time. But asking to meet before engaging a woman completely is folding before the cards have been dealt. You might not think that you can say a lot in 140 characters, but any derivative of this comment prematurely will not only tell us everything we need to know about you, it will also ensure we have plenty to laugh about the next time we chat up our girlfriends. The general consensus, after the laughter has died down, will be: “As if!”
“You’re smarter/more clever/more intelligent/funnier than you look.”
This is not a compliment. If you want to tell a woman she’s smart, clever, intelligent or funny, be a man and just do that. Keep in mind, however, that compliments are not usually conducive to conversation. A reply like “Thank you” is not engagement. Compliments are tricky. Kicking off with a remark about how clever someone is and then veering into hitting on them will cheapen the compliment. If you must let someone know how great they are, do so, but offer the information and pursue nothing at that moment. This will get you on the radar so that when you do approach for conversation, the woman you’re messaging will have a better chance of recognizing you. Oh, and do not shower her with them. One good one will suffice for quite a while. Trust me.
So how do get a woman to notice you on Twitter?
Scan her stream and try to get a sense of what she’s about. Check the links she lists. Read up. If she’s having a conversation with her followers about something, try to offer useful information. Keep in mind that trying to be funny when she’s having a discussion may not go over well or may be overlooked altogether. We appreciate humor, but just like compliments, things have their place. A discussion is not necessarily the place for jokes, no matter how silly you think the subject matter may be.
Choosing to debate a point can be incredible if you know your stuff. But do it with care and make absolutely certain that you know your stuff and that you don’t ridicule her. Express your thoughts and respect hers. She’ll remember you and, done right, will respect you and possibly come to you with questions later on the topic. Done wrong, you’ll be blocked like a troll faster than you can type IMHO (which, by the way, has to be the least sexy acronym ever. Seriously—“in my humble opinion”? If it’s humble, it doesn’t need the label. But it’s never humble. Keep the IMHO to yourself and just say what you mean).
Retweeting, on the other hand, is great. Any way that you can show that you find her content valuable is a good way to get her attention—especially if the links you are retweeting from her are to articles, photos or videos that she’s worked on. Dropping her name on your follow Friday mentions is also a good idea—especially if you take the time to explain why you find her engaging and not just squeeze her name into a list of other users—especially if they are all other women.
The trick here, essentially, is to make conversation. Join her discussions, comment on her work, share her content. This will make her feel that you value her ideas. Once you’ve had a few discussions, you can hit her up via DM and ask her for her opinion on something—collaboration is a great way to score one-on-one time—or you can just flat out ask if she would like to meet you for an event you think she may enjoy.
What event? Well, if you’ve been reading her tweets, you’ll have a pretty good idea of what floats her boat.
Special thanks to xoticbeauty, MelissaRowley, Jennicricket, paperhurts, and lkkelly who shared some of the most angina-inducing 140-character come-ons they’ve received and suggestions for how guys can do it better.