Kim Kardashian Dumps Boyfriend; Her Gigantic Ass Has Yet To Find Out.

By Ned Hepburn on July 27th, 2009

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Kim Kardashian – famous the world over for 1) having a gigantic ass 2) being rich and 3) making a porn tape with the largely forgettable younger brother of a ’90s sitcom star, has broken up with her boyfriend Reggie Bush of the New Orleans Saints. Her ass has yet to find out, however, as it takes a solid day and a half for any news to get back there. Indeed, much like the time in Australia, such is Kim Kardashian’s ass. When asked for comment, her ass responded, “Huh? What?” and promptly refused any further comment.

It has been a strange couple of years for her ass. As Kim rode her asses coattails (asstails?) all the way to the limelight, her ass has largely (pun intended) stayed clear of making any formal announcement as to its part in making Kim such a “star”. We at Manolith use the term “star” very lightly, as Kim rose to prominence merely for “Knowing Paris Hilton” and “Having A Huge, Gigantic, Freakazoid Ass” and “Being Somewhat Photogenic In Pictures, Not Unlike IKEA Started Selling Her In A Catalog”. Despite having no discernible talents, Kim continues to enjoy the spotlight and Reggie I’d imagine will continue to enjoy playing for the Saints.

Oh, Hollywood. Why can’t people worth writing about have anything like this happen to them? Why can’t Phillip Seymour Hoffman go on a bender and date 20-year-olds? It’s just not fair. There’s not even anything to say about Kim Kardashian other than she has a huge ass. Sheesh.

Jesus. Tapdancing. Christ.