The Worst People You Will Run Into At That Indie Show

By The Manolith Team on July 15th, 2009

• Tweet
• Link to StumbleUpon
• 4 Comments

Backpack Dude

Why does this guy have a backpack? No one knows, but he’s definitely at a concert at 11PM with a loaded Jansport. Backpack dudes are carrying an extra 30-200 lbs on their back but that certainly won’t stop them from getting down. He’s in the crowd checking people left and right easily taking up the space of two people. One wonders what’s in that backpack but the people getting hit in the crowd would swear it’s chockful of Mag-Lites and bricks.

Hippie Chick

Hippie Chicks sometimes accidentally find out about non jam bands and attend indoor concerts. Armed with dreadlocks, hemp jewelry and maybe a shaggy dog tied to a bike rack outside, the Hippie Chick is here to party in a seriously mellow way. Hippies being an original indie prototype, it is not uncommon for them to mingle with more evolved indie types. Hippie chicks are mostly annoying to have around but they are actually a godsend when faced with a “Dude Who Always Thinks Its Appropriate To Mosh”. Hippie Chicks like to get mad just like anyone else, they just require an appropriate villain to unload upon.

Weed Guy

This guy is cool but he smokes too much weed. He’s always the guy who wants to smoke pot in the indoor venue because “It’s Cool, Man”. This guy is an idiot and he will over-complicate your show experience by getting you kicked out of half the shows you attend with him. The best way to get rid of him is to tell him that a group of hot chicks “Way Over There” are looking for someone to smoke pot with. This guy is best enjoyed in a basement while he rolls joints and plays “rare” Hot Chip gems.

Ex Girlfriend

There is a rule of law that if you break up with your girlfriend you will see her at almost every show you go to for the rest of your life. Yes, she had never heard of Starfucker before you played it for her but just because she got sick of your brokeass doesn’t mean she won’t appropriate all “your music” as her own. When she is present, you will try to enjoy the concert but find yourself mostly watching your ex make out with her new boyfriend out of the corner of your eye.

Ex Girlfriend’s New Boyfriend

This guy is not necessarily a dick, but you are going to think he’s a dick because he’s with your ex. He will timidly follow her around and be used as a tool to make you insanely jealous. The best antidote to his smug face is to make out with a chick that is hotter than your ex or even better to run into your ex by the bathrooms and make out with her.

Smelly Fat Guy

You will not see the Smelly Fat Guy at first so much as you will become aware of him. First through the nose as you pick up that patented “high school locker room” scent and later through your skin as his moist sideboob rubs against your arm. You will quickly try to move away from him but he will seemingly follow you like a specter, his pungent aroma(s) assaulting everyone around him. This guy is not necessarily a terrible guy, but he is terribly smelly and his t shirt is probably too small. Groups of young girls will laugh and point, but this guy won’t care. He’s inexplicably here and he’s not going anywhere.

Person Who Has Never Been To A Concert Before

This guy is at every concert ever. He is constantly talking to his much cooler friends who brought him about how everything is “so cool”. They have beer here! Thats cool. Whoa, that girl took off her shirt! That’s so cool. Oh man, they play their own instruments! Thats cool. This gentleman is an enigma as you will wonder how that person is in their twenties but asking if there are assigned seats at the open floor concert.

Dude Who Thinks It’s Always Appropriate To Mosh

This guy is perhaps the worst person  to ever go to a concert.  There is a certain type of person who enjoys the physicality of a punk show and there is a certain type of personality that favors a nice chill indie show. This guy is not punk enough to mosh at a punk show but he is just punk enough to push around a bunch of Rivers Cuomo look a likes.You can be at a Sufjan Stevens acoustic show with an audience of 16 people in a library and this dude will still manage to punch everyone in the ear.

This guy is a dick and inside his dark soul all he really wants to do is fight people at random. But life has taught him that he gets his ass kicked in formal fights so he goes to shows to punch people at random and stomp on anonymous toes. As a guy you might get pushed by this dude and feel an impulse to push him back, but that is never a good idea. This guy is a master of inappropriate physical contact and can easily turn around a situation to make you look like a dick. Reacting to this guy is a great way to not get laid by the girl you are with. Best case scenario is to complain about him to a Hippie Chick and watch the fireworks.

(Photos By: Mararie, Liza, and Wiros)<