Top 5 Miniaturized Products of All Time

By Jeff Wysaski on July 1st, 2009

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According to Mintel (a market research firm), miniaturized food is currently one of the hottest trends in the food industry. Indeed, a variety of “mini-vations” have found their way onto restaurant menus as of late (Jack in the Box’s mini sirloin burger, Burger King’s BK Breakfast Shots, etc.)

Personally, I hate this trend. Besides giving restaurants a much-needed excuse to use midgets in their advertising, there’s really no practical reason for miniaturizing food (or any product for that matter). However, every once in awhile a mini product bursts onto the scene with a notable advantage over its regularly sized alternative. The top five of these mini products are as follows:

Mini Marshmallows

Let’s face it: no one’s getting excited about a hot cup of cocoa unless a handful of mini marshmallows are floating on top. And though the regular-sized marshmallow has its uses (s’mores), they are simply too big and bulky to easily sip from a cup. Only the mini marshmallow allows for a bit of sticky sweetness in each sip of cocoa, and for that, we should be grateful.

The MINI Cooper

Want the style, speed and class of a BMW without the exorbitant price tag? Enter the MINI Cooper, a vehicle that delivers big on everything but actual size. For those of us addicted to Mario Kart, this is the real-world go-kart that’ll have you zipping through traffic and parking in the smallest of spots with the greatest of ease.

Bagel Bites

I think the majority of college students will agree that the Bagel Bite is perhaps the greatest mini food of all time. By combining a breakfast item with toppings generally associated with lunch or dinner, Heinz successfully gave us an excuse to have “pizza in the morning, pizza in the evening, pizza at suppertime!” And though regular-sized bagel pizzas inevitably exist, they are way too messy and soggy to ever give Bagel Bites a run for their money.

Miniature Poodle

Poodles are an abomination, no matter what size they are. However, given a choice, a miniature poodle is always preferred over its full-sized relative. Why? Because any feature that diminishes my ability to accidentally lay eyes on one of these demonically curly-haired dogs is a huge benefit in my book. Therefore, if poodles have to exist, I choose the miniature version all the way.

The Mini Skirt

Less skirt equals more skin – need I say more? Probably not, but I’ll go ahead and add that this “swinging 60s” invention is without a doubt one of the most important discoveries of the 20th century (right behind the personal computer and push-up bra).

Ladies, I know fashion is cyclical, but can we all just go ahead and agree that the mini skirt is a timeless treasure that should be worn all year long? In fact, why don’t we just go ahead and phase out that boring old regular skirt altogether? Who needs all that extra fabric in this modern age of global warming anyway?

Good, I’m glad we’re all in agreement. Having said that, I think it’s safe to conclude that no mini product will ever surpass the miniskirt in terms of sheer beauty and function (until that glorious day when some diabolical fiend finally figures out how to fabricate the Holy Grail of all mini products – the mini-miniskirt).