Chickolith: Kimberly Stewart

By Ned Hepburn on June 19th, 2009

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She’s the offspring of Rod Stewart, the penultimate ladies man, who’s also kind of a creep and also kind of a craggy faced singer dude. And she’s famous for … things. Things we don’t know. What she does all day, I have no idea.

She’s a lot like the human equivalent of a vintage car in that you have no idea what her back story is or how many different – um – “owners” she’s had, but WOW! Just look at her! Ain’t she a beaut? Mmmm. Perhaps you’d like to take her for a spin? Maybe play with the gearshift? I have no idea where to go with this.

Regardless, Kimberly is – well – does she sing or anything? Why do I get these things across my desk. Pisses me off. She’s “famous” but there’s nothing to write about her. How the hell do they expect me to do my job. Relax. Deep breaths, dude. Easy, tiger. So yes, Kimberly Stewart is a woman of great talent, ingenuity, bravado, and accomplishment. Her generosity knows no bounds and she can often be seen helping out ______ and _______ causes. Her favorite color is ______.

I don’t know. Fill it in. I give up.