We all know that it’s foolish to expect the food inside your McDonald’s bag to look half a good as the Big Macs in the commercials (I’m overjoyed if the top bun is placed in such a way that it covers more than half of the upper beef patty). However, there are some products that don’t even come close to living up to the expectations that they create with their advertising and packaging. These are the worst offenders.
5. HeadOn
We all remember the hypnotic commercial. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. The truth is that HeadOn barely qualifies for this list because the genius of their commercials are that they made absolutely no claims about what the HeadOn actually did. They just told you where to apply the product, not what to expect.
A little digging reveals that HeadOn is actually intended for use as a homeopathic headache reliever. Does it work? Let’s just say that there’s a reason the commercials don’t happen to mention what HeadOn’s supposed to do. No legitimate scientific studies have ever shown HeadOn to be effective at anything beyond getting wax on a lot of people’s foreheads (which is an admirable feat, I suppose).
4. Cheeseburger in a Can
Canned cheeseburgers? Wow, we’ve finally entered the futuristic world of flying cars and moving sidewalks. Where’s my robot butler?
Wait a second. Let me take a closer look at this thing before I eat it. This doesn’t look at all like the picture, nor any cheeseburger I’ve ever seen. In fact, this doesn’t even look like food. Like at all.
The Germans, behind oh so many great ideas throughout history, came up with the canned cheeseburger. It’s marketed to campers as a compact and easy meal. To prepare your “cheeseburger” you heat up the unopened can in a pot of boiling water. Then you pop it open and – if you have a much stronger stomach then me – manage to not vomit all over the place before you decide that you still have a shred of self respect and throw this thing in the trash where it belongs.
3. Airborne
Eating lots of vitamins and herbs can help prevent illness, right? Not when those vitamins are herbs are packaged and sold as the dietary supplement Airborne, apparently. To date, there have been a grand total of zero scientific studies that support the idea that Airborne is more effective in preventing colds or the flu than magic beans (personally, I’m betting on the beans).
If you’ve taken Airborne and felt healthier, congratulations. You’ve been duped by the placebo effect, the oldest trick in the book. Also, we should talk about some swampland I have for sale. I’ll cut you a deal. You can pay with the money you might be eligible to receive as part of a class action lawsuit launched against Airborne (the company that makes Airborne has paid out over $30 million in legal settlements so far).
2. Dermitage
For all I know, Dermitage offers an incredible line of skin rejuvenating products (I can’t say for sure because my skin is so silky smooth that I’ve never had to use a Dermitage product!). That said, there’s no way in hell that Dermitage – or any product, for that matter – can transform your face from the grizzled witch-beast on the right side of this ad to the fair maiden on the left in only minutes. That kind of rejuvenation would take at least an hour! Am I right, people?
1. Banzai Wild Waves Water Park
“Hey kids, round up the neighbors! We’re fixin’ to have a big pool party! We gon’ have a slide and we even gon’ have basketball in the pool! Everybody’s invited!”
“Hold up. On second thought, send everyone home. I just inflated our new water park and I don’t think more than one or two of y’all is gonna fit in this thing.”
Seriously, though, this awful product will never be summed up better than this review posted on Amazon.com by user Chosen One “Your god”:
“Shortly after receiving this pool I started getting calls from family members wanting to come over and use the new fun park in my backyard. Myself and four other people entered the pool and had very little room to move around. The slide exploded when my father-in-law used it. My brother kicked my (sic) in the eyeball when he jumped in. He’s always been an idiot though. The pool later started my house on fire.”
Comments
Jeff
June 11th, 2009 - 11:13:42 AM
lol, that Wild Waves story is great. so is the picture.
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Michael
June 11th, 2009 - 2:45:43 PM
Great point about Airborne never being proven effective , I never use that garbage. But, considering that it is just a placebo that was created by a school teacher with no background in medicine, yet it still flies off the shelves shouldn't it be considered an advertising WIN?
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Christie
June 12th, 2009 - 4:56:11 AM
cheese.burger.in.a.can. Really, the name says it all. I wouldn't feed this to my worst enemies.
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Mike
June 12th, 2009 - 8:13:05 AM
I guess I live in isolation - I've never heard of any of these products. They look like those funny 'first commercial' product skits they do (did?) on Saturday Night Live. Can't believe that anyone would even think about purchasing this crap.
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Observer
June 13th, 2009 - 8:03:47 PM
We used to sell a brand of cheap lighters at a store that I managed. The brand name was "High Quality" which was ironic because they were so crappy. The best part is that they spelled the word "quality" wrong on the packaging: It said "High Quility" High Quility Lighters. Misleading packaging..
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UrGod
June 13th, 2009 - 9:24:41 PM
Ummm... Here's a quote "The pool later started my house on fire.” How do pools start fires?
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rowrow
June 13th, 2009 - 10:42:12 PM
UrGod... There is no feasible way that you are that stupid. If you aren't trolling I'm going to kill myself. I'm going to drown myself in an upside-down umbrella filled with piss and playing cards. I can hear his reply now... "Where are you going to find that much piss?"
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jazzmoose
June 13th, 2009 - 11:41:30 PM
I must admit I don't understand the title of the page. How did the advertising fail? Particularly in the case of "cheeseburger in a can"; if the sold even one of those, the advertising had to be of the highest quality possible!
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jimmysmoch
June 14th, 2009 - 1:59:48 AM
idk what your talking about Airborne works. Being a college student living in the dorms it is very easy to catch a cold, and taking airborne daily has kept me healthy esp. being up all night studying. the stuff works great! i also had a roomate who would often get sick and told him to use airborne and it did wonders for him. So idk what the people who are writing this article are smoking, but you should probably get your facts straight before you bash a product that works
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kevin
June 14th, 2009 - 5:08:37 AM
excellent, #1 especially made this post memorable.
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Brad
June 14th, 2009 - 9:44:11 AM
even though they dont say waht it does, i think head on is an extremely effective ad campaign
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minimimitchi
June 14th, 2009 - 9:52:16 AM
ive wondered what headon did for a long while now.sometimes i got a headache trying to figure it out,which apparently is the opposite of what it should do.HEAD ON APPLAH STAIT 2 YAH FOREHEAD!
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alex
June 14th, 2009 - 11:11:49 AM
Love that print under the Dermatige picture. "Simulated imagery" Meaning "we airbrushed the hell out of this picture" And it is gramatically incorrect as well. Less wrinkles" should be "fewer wrinkles." Seems the copywriter and the product were both lousy.
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Bjarne
June 14th, 2009 - 1:31:24 PM
I actually tried HeadOn a long time ago. It do work by getting cold when exposed to air, and when you get a headache something cool on your forehead might help... a little. For Dermitage I can only say that I do know of a product that can change you looks from the right side to the left side image... its called photoshop. (I know several first had examples where it has worked great wonders.)
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Anonymous Blogger
June 14th, 2009 - 5:15:07 PM
Don't you just hate it when your new pool burns your house down and probably kills your family and pets. Actually.. it's pretty funny when bad stuff happens to other people. Because they're not me.
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cassandra
June 14th, 2009 - 6:30:32 PM
I tried airborn, it gave me diarrhea. 6 months later I had a cold and forgot that it gave me diarrhea and took it again. I had diarrhea again. I will never forget.
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soupy
June 14th, 2009 - 6:44:05 PM
@ jimmysmoch Yes Airborne works, as do placebos. In clinical studies placebos have been shown to be effective against, the common cold, flu, vomiting, diarrhea, cancer, herpes outbreaks, obeisity, anxiety, chronic itching, athlete's foot, and a host of other illnesses. The manufacturers of Airborne lost a class action lawsuit and had to pay 23.3 million dollars for making false claims about its effectiveness. By the way, I have shark repellent spray I use on my body every time I go in the ocean. (I live by the beach in Santa Monica.) It totally works! I have been in the ocean hundreds of times and have never been bitten by a shark. Would you like to buy some? I'll give you a good deal.
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scarabeetle101
June 15th, 2009 - 12:55:48 PM
I love the way the cheeseburger is bigger than the can it's meant to have come from.
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onhead
June 15th, 2009 - 8:09:38 PM
Anyone notice that the woman in the head on ad never actually touches her head with the product?
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Noreally
June 15th, 2009 - 9:19:03 PM
i cant believe people are actually DEFENDING the slime that peddle these products!
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rpstrong
June 15th, 2009 - 9:23:36 PM
For a taste test of the canned cheeseburger, see: http://www.avclub.com/articles/taste-test-cheeseburger-in-a-can,2183/
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Jason
June 16th, 2009 - 2:23:28 AM
I tried HEADON and liked it. It's like menthol or something. It distracts from your headache, which helps.
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robb
June 16th, 2009 - 11:29:15 AM
#1 the bestest !!!
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Ronald Baro
June 16th, 2009 - 3:28:16 PM
In Item 4 for the Canned Cheesburger, check your spelling of the word? You said Then for Than. It's supposed to be Than. But it's great advice I won't eat a canned Cheesburger. I like it made right then and there fresh.
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John
June 16th, 2009 - 10:16:13 PM
I'm a fan of Head-On. It doesn't exactly cure headaches, but it certainly helps with them. For mild headaches, it's a nice alternative to taking medicines, and for bad ones, it helps get you by until the medicine kicks in.
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aryan
June 18th, 2009 - 7:19:52 PM
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No One
June 20th, 2009 - 2:00:52 PM
i wish i would have bought one of those wild water slide thingies, as long as it didnt say "actual size may differ" any where on the box... i would have taken the company to court for false advertisement.
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Greg
June 20th, 2009 - 5:22:25 PM
airborne is essentially emergen-c. its a good source of vitamins and stuff in a easy to take/bring with you way. it is just as good as any other vitamin supplement.
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Johann
June 21st, 2009 - 3:11:02 PM
No, what the dermitage is s8upposed to do is get somone like the woman on the left, and wrinkle her up until she looks like the right one.
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aryyudha
June 24th, 2009 - 11:11:55 PM
at least we can learn from their failed :>
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LonMax
July 7th, 2009 - 8:53:05 AM
No, it's a moronic point about Airborne never being proven effective, since NO ONE HAS DONE A STUDY ON IT! However, many of the individual ingredients are widely accepted for boosting the immune system.
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djashish
July 23rd, 2009 - 11:31:23 AM
Dermitage is something that will take some time but still it'll take days to remove wrinkles and not just 1 or 2 mins.and Headon is something they were not quite clear about what they wanted to make.
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Doctor Hal!
July 28th, 2009 - 4:20:30 PM
Excuse me, but as a registered physician I find this information about airborne most troubling. Most troubling indeed... In fact I have recommended airborne to my patients for a number of years (including this one). Here is an article I have written chronicling my journey to airborne and jesus: http://voont.com/airborne_dietary_supplement With love, Doctor Hal.
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unbound
September 11th, 2009 - 12:23:16 PM
How can you list advertisement fails without mentioning AcipHex? Try pronouncing it...yep, that is the way it is spoken during the commercials. How can anyone take the product seriously?
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RANDOM MAN
December 15th, 2009 - 4:34:23 PM
The Mop shoe advertisement was pretty bad as well
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Vera Farmiga
December 26th, 2009 - 8:04:27 AM
Gee, I like to fart in harmony with the sounds of the gorilla queen.
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----
December 30th, 2009 - 11:37:47 AM
Going back to the airborne- it is actually a derivative from a Chinese formulation known as Yin Chiao Chieh Tu Pien(YC). The formualtion itself is used in pulmonary patient care and was helpful in SARS cases in 2003. Recently in 2007 it was shown to positively modify induced pulmonary fibrosis (PF) in rats (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17177325?log$=activity), which may be useful in H1N1 cases which PF is increased. As far as for colds most of the data was published in the late 50's regarding clinical significance of YC. Most likely through meta-analysis or epidemiological studies than clinical trials. So for me I take airborne because of that. Do I chalk it up to placebo? No- not really. Is it going to cure your cold? No- but it will help your immune system to what it was designed to better than phenylephrine will
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Anonymous
February 22nd, 2010 - 6:16:09 PM
that burger looked goood
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