We all know that it’s foolish to expect the food inside your McDonald’s bag to look half a good as the Big Macs in the commercials (I’m overjoyed if the top bun is placed in such a way that it covers more than half of the upper beef patty). However, there are some products that don’t even come close to living up to the expectations that they create with their advertising and packaging. These are the worst offenders.
We all remember the hypnotic commercial. HeadOn. Apply directly to the forehead. The truth is that HeadOn barely qualifies for this list because the genius of their commercials are that they made absolutely no claims about what the HeadOn actually did. They just told you where to apply the product, not what to expect.
A little digging reveals that HeadOn is actually intended for use as a homeopathic headache reliever. Does it work? Let’s just say that there’s a reason the commercials don’t happen to mention what HeadOn’s supposed to do. No legitimate scientific studies have ever shown HeadOn to be effective at anything beyond getting wax on a lot of people’s foreheads (which is an admirable feat, I suppose).
4. Cheeseburger in a Can
Canned cheeseburgers? Wow, we’ve finally entered the futuristic world of flying cars and moving sidewalks. Where’s my robot butler?
Wait a second. Let me take a closer look at this thing before I eat it. This doesn’t look at all like the picture, nor any cheeseburger I’ve ever seen. In fact, this doesn’t even look like food. Like at all.
The Germans, behind oh so many great ideas throughout history, came up with the canned cheeseburger. It’s marketed to campers as a compact and easy meal. To prepare your “cheeseburger” you heat up the unopened can in a pot of boiling water. Then you pop it open and – if you have a much stronger stomach then me – manage to not vomit all over the place before you decide that you still have a shred of self respect and throw this thing in the trash where it belongs.
Eating lots of vitamins and herbs can help prevent illness, right? Not when those vitamins are herbs are packaged and sold as the dietary supplement Airborne, apparently. To date, there have been a grand total of zero scientific studies that support the idea that Airborne is more effective in preventing colds or the flu than magic beans (personally, I’m betting on the beans).
If you’ve taken Airborne and felt healthier, congratulations. You’ve been duped by the placebo effect, the oldest trick in the book. Also, we should talk about some swampland I have for sale. I’ll cut you a deal. You can pay with the money you might be eligible to receive as part of a class action lawsuit launched against Airborne (the company that makes Airborne has paid out over $30 million in legal settlements so far).
For all I know, Dermitage offers an incredible line of skin rejuvenating products (I can’t say for sure because my skin is so silky smooth that I’ve never had to use a Dermitage product!). That said, there’s no way in hell that Dermitage – or any product, for that matter – can transform your face from the grizzled witch-beast on the right side of this ad to the fair maiden on the left in only minutes. That kind of rejuvenation would take at least an hour! Am I right, people?
1. Banzai Wild Waves Water Park
“Hey kids, round up the neighbors! We’re fixin’ to have a big pool party! We gon’ have a slide and we even gon’ have basketball in the pool! Everybody’s invited!”
“Hold up. On second thought, send everyone home. I just inflated our new water park and I don’t think more than one or two of y’all is gonna fit in this thing.”
Seriously, though, this awful product will never be summed up better than this review posted on Amazon.com by user Chosen One “Your god”:
“Shortly after receiving this pool I started getting calls from family members wanting to come over and use the new fun park in my backyard. Myself and four other people entered the pool and had very little room to move around. The slide exploded when my father-in-law used it. My brother kicked my (sic) in the eyeball when he jumped in. He’s always been an idiot though. The pool later started my house on fire.”