Let’s say you get your hands on a brand new Time Machine. Whether it’s the old-school H.G. Wells chair model, or a tricked-out DeLorean, you’ve now got to decide what you’re going to do with your new toy. But before you run off and start messing up your life, sleeping with your grandmother, and investing in Google stock before the Internet was invented, we’ve got a few ideas for you. Here are 15 moments in time, both past and future, that you may want to just witness before you go and do what you’re inevitably going to do, and ruin everyone’s universe.
The Trinity Test (Past)
If you want to see one of the most awe-inspiring events in human history, then you need to set your time machine for 5:29 AM, July 16th 1945 at Alamogordo, New Mexico. The Trinity test was the very first successful detonation of a nuclear bomb, with a blast the size of 20,000 tons of TNT. Make sure you pack some Ray-Bans, and apply plenty of sunscreen for this one.
The Roswell Crash (Past)
Whether it was a UFO or a weather balloon, it’s time we found out just what went down around Roswell, New Mexico on the night of July 2nd, 1947. Just to be sure, camp out for a couple of days before hand, and try to find a spot somewhere on Foster Ranch, outside a little town called Corona, near Roswell. Remember your cameras and flashlights, and a first-aid kit may not be a terrible idea either.
Birth of the First True Artificial Intelligence (Future)
In the movies the first A.I. always turns out to be a total asshole. It nearly always either tries to murder someone, or take over the world, or cause general mayhem while it plots to take over the world or murder someone. This is all Hollywood, so you’ll have to check out just how it pans out when the very first true artificial intelligence wakes up and says hello. Remember, there is still the chance that Hollywood was right all along, so take a really big electromagnet with you just in case.
The First Modern Olympic Games (Past)
In 1896 Athens, Greece hosted the world’s first international Olympic Games. This was a huge event, with crazy steam-powered boats and new-fangled “locomotives” moving people around. It must have been a sight to see this collection of athletes from around the world all in one place, you know that had to be one hell of a party.
Signing of the Declaration of Independence (Past)
Even non-Americans want to witness this event in human history. The sheer immense gravity of the situation makes it stand out amongst anything else that any other group of men ever did with pen and parchment.
Mankind Attains Faster Than Light Travel (Future)
Let’s face it, ever since you were a kid and you saw Star Wars for the first time, you wanted to fly through space at light speed. You especially wanted to do it with Chewbacca at your side but we’re trying to be realistic here. Now if the whole “breaking the laws of physics” thing bothers you, well, you’re in a freaking time machine.
The Fall of Rome (Past)
Granted, it may be a good idea to show up a few years early on this one so you can enjoy Rome while it’s not burning, but we’re going for the excitement here, right? You’ve got all the time in the world (literally) to hang out and live the good life with girls feeding you grapes while you bathe in wine; we want to see the barbarian hordes!
Battle of Thermopylae (Past)
You should note before going to see this horrifyingly spectacular display of bad-assery that, historically speaking, it was nothing like the movie 300. In fact, it may have been slightly more awesome, even though King Leonidas may not have had such a massively out-of-place (but still cool) accent. Xerxes was probably taller and the elephants were probably twice as big.
First Contact With an Alien Species (Future)
Yes, this could easily go badly for us humans, but it’s something you simply cannot miss. You have a time machine, and that means you have a duty to witness certain things that just too far beyond you for there to be any objection. Do humanity a favor though; if you’re going to watch this one happen, take a flame-thrower with you, and if things get out of hand, just ask yourself “what would Ripley do?”
Helen of Troy (Past)
This is one of those things that simply demands explanation. Was she hot…and by that, I mean was she “sending a country to war hot”? Unfortunately, there is just unbiased record of what this woman looked like. For all intents and purposes, the guy who wrote that story could have had a thing for women like Renee Zellweger… So this is definitely should be on self-respecting male’s pretend, time machine to-do list. Bonus: you also get to see for yourself just how many heroes, gods, and demigods showed up for the fight. Take lots of film.
The Discovery of Beer (Past)
Anthropologists suggest that without the advent of beer, man may never have banded together and settled down on farms like we did. That means we owe a great deal, pretty much everything, to beer. In honor of this, you should make it a point to go back and see the first pint, bow down to it, salute it, do what you will to it. And if you can, drink some of it. Beer is good, remember.
Mankind’s First Interstellar War (Future)
Nobody wants a war, we all want peace, violence is horrible. That being said, since we can’t really deny the inevitability of mankind having a first interstellar war, we may as well own up to the fact that we all want to see how it starts. More than likely, it will just be man vs. man, with colonies in space fighting each other. That’s still loads of awesome, so make sure you stash your time machine some place safe and settle in for the show. And by safe, I mean one of the Dakotas (there’s nothing there, anyways).
Man’s Discovery of Fire (Past)
This is arguably the single greatest turning point in the advancement of humanity. Before this point, we were apes. Afterwards, we were apes who could barbeque, things such as animals and other apes. Going back to this time would probably lead to some pretty crazy parties, and even though the language barrier may get in the way (unless you speak ‘grunt’), you’ll be the most handsome guy there. Steve Buscemi doppelgangers excluded.
The Comet that Killed the Dinosaurs (Past)
Alright, now this one’s tricky. We’re talking about an explosive impact so ridiculously huge, that it killed nearly everything on Earth. You’re going to have to camp out a bit, and keep the binoculars handy to watch for the comet; when this goes down, you had better get some really good pictures, hopefully video, and then hop back in your time machine and out of there as quickly as possible. None of this adventuring means anything if you’re wiped out with the dinos.
Cubs Win the World Series (Future)
We can at least be hopeful, can’t we?
Don’t Forget This
This handy guide will keep you taken-care of in the unfortunate event that you get stranded in time, assuming it’s the past. If you get stranded in the future, then just make a fortune going on talk shows and starring in movies. Since you’ll be so out-dated, you can pull of vintage-chic pretty well, and if that fails there’s always politics.
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Comments
FreelancerCrowd
June 3rd, 2009 - 3:25:16 AM
Made me think really... I'd add "the birth of life on Earth"
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Cheap
June 3rd, 2009 - 3:25:30 AM
if you did have a time machine and went back in time and changed stuff, whos to say someone else wouldnt go back and change it back lol
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rajan
June 3rd, 2009 - 4:19:41 AM
totally nonsense
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Josh
June 3rd, 2009 - 4:44:03 AM
The chart of important information for time travel is from www.qwantz.com (Dinosaur Comics for the sadly uninformed)
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john porontong
June 3rd, 2009 - 4:44:22 AM
go in the future and see how the first time machine came about and how it was first used. :)
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John Davis
June 3rd, 2009 - 4:51:28 AM
Wow, Time Travel would totally ROCK! RT www.real-anonymity.pro.tc
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Jeff
June 3rd, 2009 - 5:00:05 AM
Really? What about the crucifixion of Jesus?
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JT
June 3rd, 2009 - 5:42:53 AM
Wouldn't you go back and witness the resurrection of Christ? To confirm one way or the other? Most influencial event in history!
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Kevin
June 3rd, 2009 - 6:01:27 AM
I'd go back 6001 years in a space suit before Earth existed so I can watch it magically appear with the rest of the universe.
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johnny5
June 3rd, 2009 - 6:45:07 AM
Hmmmmm.... So many moments in time I would visit. I just couldnt name them all. But if you only had 1.... who knows. Check out Electronic Cigarette
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Nick
June 3rd, 2009 - 7:20:46 AM
I'd add that you should visit all the ancient wonders of the world and the construction of the great pyramid and remove the discovery of fire and the extinction of the dinosaurs. extinction of donosaurs is just dumb, you'd be more likely to die than to see anything cool, and the discovery of fire...well give me an exact date and place and we'll consider it.
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pate
June 3rd, 2009 - 7:21:55 AM
I love the reference to The New Adventures of Lois and Clark, H.G.Wells could never those two alone -
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Mike
June 3rd, 2009 - 7:55:39 AM
When you calibrate the time machine, the Cubs winning will come after the first interstellar war.
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The Laugher
June 3rd, 2009 - 8:12:34 AM
The "first contqat with an alien species" has already been documented~~thrice. One was the birth of the repiglican party. Another was the birth of a two mouthed monster named rush o'reily The other was the first cop.
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ducksauce001
June 3rd, 2009 - 9:37:08 AM
Here are some moments I would want to travel back to: 1) Big Bang or when God created the universe 2) When life first starts on Earth 3) See some biblical events and see if they are true. 4) The moment when fishes start to crawl on land. Take pictures/videos and shut either creationist or evolutionist up.
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jessica
June 3rd, 2009 - 10:53:33 AM
i know, how could you leave out the birth of Jesus? time itself is based off his birth!
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dar7yl h
June 4th, 2009 - 12:17:20 PM
Don't forget Woodstock - Bethel, New York from August 15 to August 18, 1969. On second thought, don't go. The reason that there was no more room was all the time travelers congregating there. Kennedy Assassination - Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas, at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time (18:30 UTC) in Dealey Plaza.
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John
June 4th, 2009 - 12:42:27 PM
The Declaration of Independence: "stand(s) out amongst anything else that any other group of men ever did with pen and parchment." Poppycock. The Magna Carta dwarfs the Declaration in terms of historical significance. Have you studied history long?
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slimdave420
June 4th, 2009 - 3:08:56 PM
jessica June 3, 2009 - 10:53 am .i know, how could you leave out the birth of Jesus? time itself is based off his birth! ****************** can't you jesus freaks give it rest for once. every single article no matter what the subject and poof there you are. give it a rest. there was no historical jesus so get over it.
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Aaron
June 4th, 2009 - 3:37:02 PM
I would like to see if Jesus really did anything. At Least to see if any of the miracles where more than slight of hand, or future church propaganda.
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Aaron
June 4th, 2009 - 3:38:40 PM
and slimdave you are completely wrong, there are plenty of roman documents that discuss a Jesus of Nazareth who was crucified. Most scholars completely disagree with your ignorant assumption of historical fact based on some vendetta against faith.
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Television Spy
June 4th, 2009 - 11:16:12 PM
Lots more: The inauguration of the Coliseum in Rome (tons of man on man gladiator fights - huge spectacles) Battles of the Mogul Empire (Insanely Large armies from Persia met with large armies of Northern India) Jesus Christ & Buddha and all that religious stuff.. Creation of Hungry Hungry Hippos
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Willard Harrison
June 5th, 2009 - 8:29:37 PM
Wow, you missed some All-Time BIGGIES!! Akela Talamasca's "Time Machine" article is disappointing. The OBVIOUS event anyone might want to see would be the Crucifixion of Jesus. Whether a person is Christian or atheist, or the believer in one of a dozen religions, this is The Big Event. The whole B.C. and A.D. Common Era calendar is built around whether this one life happened as written. Nah, like in Stephen Baxter's SF, that most popular of time travel destinations might be inaccessible, a traffic jam. More time travelers would want to vist that event, than the number of people who actually were alive in the first century! The Comet that Killed the Dinosaurs? I've love to see it. But if you've been keeping up with the latest science news (May '09), the impact theory is losing ground. esciencenews.com/articles/2009/05/04/princeton.geoscientist.offers.new.evid... Personally, I'd settle for any of the large impacting comets or asteroids. Or how 'bout a speeded-up view of the splitting of Gondwanaland to form the Atlantic Ocean? "Was Helen of Troy a beauty?" Who cares?! I'd rather check out the Trojan horse, or warriors Achilles, Hector, et al. I think ten times as many people would rather see if Cleopatra was as riveting a beauty as claimed. "The 1st Atomic Bomb Test?" OK, I'll go along with that. A future "Cubs Win the World Series?" YAWN. "The Invention of Beer"? Probably took decades or longer. "Signing of the Declaration of Independence"? That likewise really took weeks or months. Two more yawns. "The Discovery of Fire?" YAWWNNNN. We saw that portrayed well enough in the movies. At the site, someone suggested the grassy knoll in Dallas, 1963. Or how about a trip to O.J.'s house that fateful night? Near Roger Patterson when he supposedly filmed Bigfoot? If I could see the real counterparts of movie events, I'd go for the sinking of the Titanic. The Alamo. Pearl Harbor. Finding out if Thera (Santorini) was the real "sinking of Atlantis." (Just think of all the earthquake and volcanic events Akela missed -- Krakatoa, Pompeii, San Francisco 1907, New Madrid 1811-12, Mt. Mazama/Crater Lake....) And what's with all the battles -- the Fall of Rome, Thermopylae, the 1st Interstallar War, etc.? Nah. Now Saul vs. the Philistines, that might have been a sight, complete with a front row seat to the David and Goliath fight. Or how about Waterloo? English vs. Normans at the Battle of Hastings, 1066? Gettysburg? Hannibal in Italy? Valley Forge? The plains of Megiddo at Armageddon?
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Janis
June 6th, 2009 - 3:48:14 PM
Great List. But all sheer fantasy. Next time maybe someone with an education will try this.
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jamie
June 6th, 2009 - 9:59:17 PM
Cute list, terrible English. Don't people proofread what they write anymore?
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Tom
June 16th, 2009 - 6:34:46 AM
The Resurrection (or not) of Jesus Christ. Without a doubt the most important historical "fact" that a time traveler ought to verify.
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IV
June 16th, 2009 - 7:48:23 PM
I think you meant future on the man discovers fire thing. It happens sometime after our first interstellar war - when everything gets nuked back to before the stone age.
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Rainier Wolfcastle
June 29th, 2009 - 11:13:29 AM
The problem with going back in time and finding out that Jesus was just some regular mortal dude, that his so-called miracles were nothing more than hype and legend and myth, and that he was removed from the cross while still alive and rather than being resurrected simply recovered and quietly left town: who of the faithful would believe you no matter what evidence you brought back with you?
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Nancy Sharp
September 11th, 2009 - 2:49:27 PM
Great list i felt for a moment i was in a time machine Increase Metabolism
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Michael
September 17th, 2009 - 5:42:03 AM
How bout the moment Electronic Cigarettes were invented..... this is gonna change the world people trust me.... CURRENT TIMES :)
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Johnny Blaze
September 28th, 2009 - 8:17:27 AM
Reminds me of Bill & Teds excellent adventure ofr Back to the future. . One moment in time could change the world. Johnny Blaze Electronic Cigarettes Guru
31
e cigarette
October 21st, 2009 - 4:41:19 PM
Awesome... This is so true about time machines.
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Jon dorian
December 29th, 2009 - 7:22:03 PM
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E Cig
February 16th, 2010 - 8:46:25 PM
These are some really cool photos. Your girl Mary :) http://www.electroniccigarettesource.com">electric cigarette
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E Cig
February 17th, 2010 - 1:05:22 PM
Very informative. Your girl Mary :) http://www.electroniccigarettesource.com
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western australia flowers
April 9th, 2010 - 11:49:24 AM
the rep0rt of this is nops and start from new journey http://www.posypower.com.au/
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MLM
April 23rd, 2010 - 10:20:22 PM
Time Machine-interesting idea.And It will be totally different concept.
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J hass Group
June 20th, 2010 - 11:39:59 PM
Its simply superb.Great List.We missed some All-Time BIGGIES!!Very informative.
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brisbane house painter
June 25th, 2010 - 3:24:44 AM
Totally not getting the point what he is saying http://www.brisbanehousepainter.net/
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Homesure Services
July 3rd, 2010 - 5:12:03 AM
That are awesome pics..here are some moments I would want to travel back to: 1) Big Bang or when God created the universe 2) When life first starts on Earth 3) See some biblical events and see if they are true.
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Buy Websites
July 15th, 2010 - 1:32:34 AM
The only reason that there was no more room was all the time travelers congregating there. Kennedy Assassination - Friday, November 22, 1963, in Dallas, Texas, at 12:30 p.m. Central Standard Time (18:30 UTC) in Dealey Plaza. http://www.buymeprivate.com
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sell gold online
July 29th, 2010 - 10:51:56 PM
Can’t believe it. And if it really so.. then i want to back to see my childhood man.
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Mark Avery
September 6th, 2010 - 7:40:26 AM
the discovery of beer with the small kid is great. impeccable post. All the other wars pics were amazing.
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Sunbrella Chair
September 8th, 2010 - 9:15:35 PM
the declaration of the independence day looks very royal and rich class. i liked them all. thanks a lot for sharing.
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Michelle Barrett
September 12th, 2010 - 9:38:32 PM
If I had a time machine then I would love to visit Birth of the First True Artificial Intelligence. http://www.lead411.com/Michelle_Barrett_1985611.html
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San Diego Fence
September 14th, 2010 - 4:57:28 AM
Superb article....Man’s Discovery of Fire is looking very nice.
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Vista Preschool
September 14th, 2010 - 11:44:14 PM
Greece hosted the world’s first international Olympic Games. This was a huge event, with crazy steam-powered boats. www.vista-preschool.com
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San Diego Phone Systems
September 15th, 2010 - 6:17:04 AM
I think there is still the chance that Hollywood was right all along, so take a really big electromagnet with you just in case.
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Kevin Bartel
September 18th, 2010 - 9:26:59 PM
the Helen of Troy looks very pretty. nice post thanks for sharing. All the fifteen pics are superb.
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TaQuela Brandon
September 24th, 2010 - 8:24:17 AM
truly beautiful!!!...loved all of them a lot.
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Shi-an
November 16th, 2010 - 10:04:38 PM
I reckon some less "world-renowned" and history-changing things, and more simply unanswered mysteries would be worth considering too. Stuff like who Jack the Ripper was, how Rongorongo is read, the Voynich manuscript, etc.
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bankruptcy
December 4th, 2010 - 4:23:13 AM
Well to be very frank,I don't believe in such type of nonsense.
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Barramundi fishing
December 6th, 2010 - 5:28:52 AM
This is all rubbish,I don't want to revisit any moment.
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UrbanPagan
September 13th, 2011 - 5:36:43 PM
Aaron, I once got into an extensive argument that lasted for weeks on exactly the assertion you made, that there is plenty of Roman documentation about Jesus of Nazareth being crucified, and everything I found indicates that no, there is not. The earliest references in the 1st century were saying that there were Christians who believed in Jesus Christ, and that he was crucified, not that there was such a person - much like saying that there are children who believe in Santa Claus in no way indicates that the writer believes that. The first historian, rather than religious writer, to mention Jesus was Josephus, in the late 1st century. However, there is substantial evidence that his _Antiquities of the Jews_ was altered by Christian copyists over the centuries, as he was quoted by Origen without including any of his strongest statements about the historic Jesus, which seems incredible. Indeed, since many versions of Josephus have survived, and the later the version, the more it supports the Christian religion, all but the most oblique references are in dispute. Indeed, the very lack of Roman records is one of the strongest arguments regularly used against the existence of a historic Jesus, because the Romans documented anything of note. There are records about fines that prostitutes paid for walking in the wrong districts, records of flogging for people wearing colours they weren't allowed to wear, and records of gladiatorial results. There's a list of 6000 slaves crucified along the Appian Way, but not a mention of Jesus of Nazareth as a rabbi, as a wanted criminal, or as an executed criminal. The only decent response I've gotten from Christians who don't like these facts, was to ask if Pontius Pilate "washing his hands" of the matter might mean that he expunged his records, as well. It might, or it might be a convenient explanation inserted into the gospels for why there's no Roman record. If there was such documented evidence of a historic Jesus as you indicate, then the writings of Lessing, Schweitzer, Barth and Bultmann would have been easily repudiated, and the debate would not continue to be an open question among serious scholars. I consider it an open question, one that will likely never be answered without time travel, such as is discussed here.
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Dan
November 3rd, 2011 - 1:24:30 PM
Cool post bro. I used to think about what I would do with a time machine too
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