Hollywood Must Die: Buffy The Vampire Slayer

By Akela Talamasca on May 27th, 2009

14499__buffy_l Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve done one of these, and it’s about time. Word is that a studio nobody’s ever heard of is in talks with non-name creators to reimagine the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” franchise. And we’re not talking about the super-successful TV show by Joss Whedon, no — we’re talking about the original movie starring Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry.

Now, let me be clear here: normally I use the Hollywood Must Die title to rant about upcoming projects that I think are going to be horrible. This time around things are a bit different. This time I think reinventing the franchise from the ground up is a good idea — I just don’t think anyone’s going to care.

See, I liked the original movie. I thought it was funny, even if it didn’t exactly blow me away with its originality. Part of that was the fact that I’m just tired of vampires. I think they’re kinda played out. And there are only so many directions you can take them. You can go super mopey (“Twilight”), super action-packed (“Blade”), or super serious (“Let the Right One In“). Unfortunately, those have already been done. And they can’t do the humorous vampire story a la the TV show, because they’re trying to restart the brand. So what’s left?

Joss Whedon is not on-board. He hasn’t been contacted yet, if that’s even a consideration for this project. So what we’re left with is someone who directed the original movie and produced a bunch of tv show episodes, trying to make this work. The existing fan base is going to hate it. Who’s going to want this? No one.