We’re hardened reporters here at Manolith, and we’ve seen a lot of what this crazygonuts world has to sling at the unwary. It takes a lot to really faze us. But sometimes a tidbit reaches us from the Internuts that kinda makes us want to scrub the insides of our minds with atomic bleach to remove the virulent, poisonous images. Case in point: Larry King’s got a biography coming out soon called “My Remarkable Journey”, in which he alleges that 80′s cult figure Jessica Hahn made inappropriate advances toward him during a shared taxicab ride.
Okay, first of all, ew. Second of all, I don’t know how many of you remember Jessica Hahn, who rose to prominence by claiming that televangelist Jim Bakker had raped her, then turned that notoriety into a bid for skanky popularity with a boob job, a spread in Playboy, and association with an increasingly sordid series of C-list celebrity boyfriends. Given all that, is it more or less plausible that she’d be at all interested in a sexual liaison with Larry King, who, if we’re being charitable, could pass as Gollum‘s weird uncle who’s always betting on the dog races and only wears Drakkar Noir.
Third of all, if it’s not true, that tells us more about Larry King than we necessarily need to know. I don’t know if he’s ever interviewed her or not, but I can vividly see his little glasses getting all steamy by contemplation of her poorly-hidden and artlessly-displayed cleavage. This might be nothing more than the sort of unverifiable bragging that lonely men do after attending a local strip club to see their favorite porn star on her tour of the U.S.: “Man, she was all over me. If she didn’t have back-to-back engagements on the Jungle Stage that night, we’d'a done each other f’r sure!”
Either way, we lose. Jessica Hahn on Larry King. Try to get that image out of your mind without weapons-grade pharmaceuticals.