That headline may not be entirely accurate, but you read it and had no trouble believing it, didn’t you? As the story goes, a bakery in the town of Split, Croatia, had been having repeated problems with break-ins. In an attempt to dissuade further theft, they displayed a photo of Chuck Norris prominently in their window, with the words “This shop is under the protection of Chuck Norris” below it.
They haven’t been burglarized since. So, either criminals in Croatia are ridiculously gullible, or … I don’t know how to finish that sentence.
Now, apparently Chuck Himself somehow received word of this, and indicated his approval via a message on his website. “Maybe I’ll pay them a visit one day to make sure the message gets across — thieves are never welcome.” The owners of the unnamed bakery are, of course, thrilled by this endorsement, and anticipate his eventual arrival, hopefully with armloads of free crullers.
Listen, how big can Chuck Norris’s legend get? Now he’s foiling crimes in other countries without even being there? What’s next? Are we going to replace our anti-missile defense with Chuck Norris’s face on long poles? Line the borders of the country by painting the soil with his sweat? If Chuck Norris ever runs for public office, then we’re going to be in serious violation of the doctrine of separation of church and state, because the guy’s well on his way to godhood. I’m gonna start building my altar right away; maybe he’ll listen to my petition and smite my next door neighbor for allowing his dog to crap on my lawn. No, wait: I’ll just trim my hedges into the shape of Chuck Norris’s face. That always works.