These days, many companies participate in a, “Take Your Daughter to Work Day.” It’s meant to both foster good working relationships as well as add a layer of bonded communication between employees and their progeny. The catch is that not everybody has a sweet job that they truly proud of. Many have jobs that they hate and can’t force themselves to talk about what they do, because it is that embarrassing. The following are 14 examples on why some men should keep their professional and family lives entirely separate.
Hot Dog on a Stick
Nevermind the fact that you’ve never seen a guy working at Hot Dog on a Stick. They do, in fact exist, and they wear the same uniform as the girls – it just fits a little looser on the guys. This little slice of white trash decadence is usually located at the mall, so it’s only a matter of time before your daughter’s friends show up to gawk, whisper and giggle while you serve them corn dogs and strawberry lemonades.
Urologist
Alright, so you want to show your young daughter a bunch of older men’s penises. We’re not going to question your motives here, given the reason why they are at work with you. But what kind of message is sent when balls are cupped, and examined while your daughter is watching? What about when she tells all her little friends about her amazing adventure? Yeah, that’s right – she won’t judge you.
Janitor at Her School
This is a real gem. You don’t have to take your daughter anywhere with this occupation; you can just show up at work, mop up other kids’ puke and clean the bathrooms. Any girl in her right mind would love having her daddy around all the time at school. Maybe you could surprise her while she’s having lunch with her friends!
Restroom Attendant
What could be worse than being a Butler when it comes to garnering the respect and love of your daughter? Well the answer is simple, you could take her to work with you in the MEN’s room. Once there she can fully enjoy the sights, sounds, and smells of the awesome and notorious public male restroom. Awkward.
Chuck E Cheese’s
Kids just love it when their dads belittle themselves in front of the other fathers. Throwing on a Chuck E Cheese costume and running around the ball pit is a surefire way to get that done in a lively manner. When your daughter finally sees just what her father has become, she may not speak to you for quite a while.
Coroner
If your goal during Take Your Daughter to Work Day is to get her to vomit uncontrollably, then you’ll get what you wished for when you combine the wondrous stench of formaldehyde with the site of a carcass. If you’re lucky, she’ll just wind up going goth in a couple of years. Bonus: she’ll probably also start cutting herself and holding seances in the living room while you’re eating dinner.
Marriage Counselor
Here’s a bright idea: since your daughter already listens to the endless screaming matches between you and your wife, you may as well take her with you to the office so her young impressionable mind can learn that she’ll never have a happy life, that marriages are horrible, and that no one will ever be happy, ever. Then she can go and tell all her friends that you ruin people’s marriages and get paid for it.
Strip Club Bouncer
As a bouncer, your job is to keep the undesirables out. Luckily, there’s a whole strip club full of regulars who very much desire your daughter be let in. Since you’re the guy in charge of the door, you can pull off a pretty decent Take Your Daughter to Work Day by jump-starting her new career in pole-dancing. When it dawns her years later just how big of a douchebag you are, she’ll already be making her living in cheap Internet porn.
Holiday Santa
The best part of this one is that you’ll get a golden opportunity to ruin every Christmas present for all time. The downsize, is that this is your “career.”
Crazy Walking Billboard Guy
If you really want to make an impression, slap a ridiculous display of random words together on cardboard and go to town, literally. Take your daughter with you while you’re at it, so she can get booed and jeered all over the city. If that’s not a bonding experience, then what is?
Male Escort
Every daughter should see her father seduce and bang a strange woman for money, at least once in their lives. Just kidding.
World of Warcraft Account Builder
Don’t even stop to worry about what your daughter would think of you in this situation; she already thinks it.
Suicide Hotline Counselor
Create the perfect emo kid by taking your daughter to work with you at the suicide prevention center. She’ll learn lots of creative ways to get attention while she watches you in your element. Of course, remember to focus on how many lives you’re saving, rather than the fact that you’re probably freaking your kid out beyond repair.
Male Drag Cabaret
Before viewing you on stage at the local gay-bar which doubles as the only drag-queen cabernet showcase in the region, you might want to have a little heart-to-heart talk with your daughter. It won’t stop her from needing a barf bag, but honestly, she’s going to need a little prep before you shake your taped-up junk in her face.
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Comments
Mikey Zone
May 18th, 2009 - 3:29:24 PM
Frank Chu Rocks!