The world is full of rough drinks. As most of us can attest to, we’ve all been at “that point” somewhere in our early years – the point where you only have cheap alcohol and hardly anything to mix it with. These are the drinks that put hair on your chest and gravel in your voice. They are also the stupidest drinks known to man – but really, is there anything more freeing than being broke and happy? You got to be like the MacGuyver of alcohol there for a little while. Or maybe you still are. I know a guy that can make a great cocktail out of D-grade vodka and a whole orange and a handful of ice cubes and some hot sauce, no joke.
And they’re also the most thoroughly fun to make, too. There’s nothing – absolutely nothing – more aggravating than a bartender (or “mixologist”) that takes themselves too seriously. While I love a well made Jack & Coke, I also enjoy the weird drinks that only three guys know to make. Guys with scars and beards and stories – not some white collar jackass who took a class on bar-tending at the YMCA.
While this list is here for humorous purposes, these are all drinks that we here at Manolith have actually made at some point in our lives. So, enjoy.
5. The Gambler
While in college I had a speciality drink I called “The Gambler” (named after the Kenny Rogers opus). It consisted of:
- Half filling the glass with ice
- Half filling the glass with Smirnoff
- Half filling the rest with blue Gatorade. Only blue. No other kind worked.
4. The Lazy Susan
- Fill a glass with crushed ice.
- One can of Dr Pepper. Fill glass 3/4 of the way, drink the rest of what is left in the can.
- Fill the rest of the glass with cheap rum.
- Unwrap a Hostess™ Sno-Ball. Preferably the pink one.
- Take a large swig of your drink, and follow it with a large bite of the Sno-Ball. The trick is to finish both at the same time.
3. The Intervention.
Modified from the popular joke about the sexual position. Google it. My boss would shoot me point blank if I typed out the whole thing.
This particular drink has a history of a bet I lost while watching a certain episode of A&E’s “Intervention”. However, it’s a lot of fun.
- You will need one bottle of Peppermint Schnapps, and one can full of whipped cream, and a TV showing “Intervention”. That is how the original game was played – in a basement apartment, too.
- Take shots of Peppermint Schnapps alternated with a mouthful of whipped cream every time a family member cries.
2. The Bacontini
This was made after me and my roommate at the time had literally nothing to do nor drink except the ingredients to a martini and bacon. I’ve actually seen this served in a real bar in New York – somewhat different.
- Cook 3 strips of bacon until crisp.
- Immediately eat one. Why? Just because.
- Crumble up the second one, put into ice in the Martini shaker.
- Strain the gin and vermouth through one of those Martini shaker things.
- Place other bacon strip into this new drink.
- Congratulate yourself.
1. The Quantum Leap
- One tall can of PBR
- One shot of vodka.
- One shot of Jack Daniels.
- One half can of Red Bull.
- Mix.
- Drink.
- If you can drink this, Dean Stockwell will advise you to leap into the next body, as your job is done here.
(Photo By Tranchis and NoalseGolden)
Comments
AV
May 14th, 2009 - 3:35:07 PM
The bacontini is quite possibly the only thing that makes me miss drinking. But I'd shake it with vodka and hold the vermouth.
Mayor McCheese
May 14th, 2009 - 5:22:33 PM
The Wet Cigarette Jack D and Monster in Equal parts
SnapJones
May 14th, 2009 - 10:17:24 PM
Damn, I'm in college now and "The Quantum Leap" sounds destructive. I'm trying it tomorrow thanks! If I die, I'm sure you'll hear about it on the news.
Welly
May 15th, 2009 - 9:15:35 AM
College students in the USA need to be introduced to the concept known as the "Mucky Pint". This is a traditional birthday drink that has been around since before the USA was a twinkle in the milkman's eye. For example, a mucky pint has been described as "half a Guinness with stuff like Baileys, Goldschlaeger (?), Vodka sidekicks and anything else to make the Guinness curdle, topped up until it became a pint. It is fucking disgusting." There is no real, defined recipe for the mucky pint, it's simply a concoction of different alcohols that do not go together, served in a pint glass (a British 568ml pint glass, not a girlie US 473ml pint) and downed. It is always downed. This is not a sippin' drink.
John JONES
May 15th, 2009 - 9:15:37 AM
Wow that Lazy Susan looks good! RT www.whos-watching.net.tc
Mike
May 15th, 2009 - 9:25:09 AM
The Gambler?? Gnarly?? I've seen middle schoolers invent better ways to hide vodka.
josh
May 15th, 2009 - 9:25:50 AM
Nah.. the intervention is supposed to be done with chocolate syrup too. its AMAZING with chocolate syrup. You have them sit in a chair with their head leaned back and then three people simulatneously pour the peppermint schnapps, whip cream, and chocolate syrup into their mouth for like 5 seconds. you can barely taste the alcohol and its fantastic!!! try it, let me know.
gO
May 15th, 2009 - 9:27:43 AM
One time we mixed everclear with blue pucker and called it love juice. As it turned out, it didn't create any love at all. Instead my friend and I got into a fight cause he hit me in the head with a thrown shoe. Then we punched a hole in his wall.
josh is incorrect
May 15th, 2009 - 9:29:35 AM
Josh, with chocolate syrup it's called a dirty girl scout, not an intervention.
darthnuri
May 15th, 2009 - 9:29:48 AM
Isn't the gambler more popularly known as a "Faderade"?
josh is incorrect
May 15th, 2009 - 9:31:01 AM
Also, I wouldn't exactly call Sailor Jerry's cheap rum, where I live it goes for about 20$ a bottle...
UKstudent
May 15th, 2009 - 9:33:46 AM
I've had a dirty pint only twice. It's horrible... It consists of a pint glass that gets filled with a shot of everything behind the bar, especially drinks that don't go together, keep putting in more shots until the pint glass is filled. It is not wise to drink this at all, but if you have to, don't drink anything else the entire night...
Jake
May 15th, 2009 - 9:51:50 AM
Here's what we used to do in college when we had no more than 20$ between 10+ people: 1 case of the cheapest beer you can find 1 handle of the cheapest vodka you can find 1-2 things of lemonade mix Mix the beer and vodka in a big cooler. Stir in lemonade mix until you can't taste anything but sugar and lemons.
Timothy Moody
May 15th, 2009 - 9:55:42 AM
What about the Concrete Mixer? Ingredients: 2 parts Bailey's Irish Cream 1 part lemon juice. Mix this around in your mouth then swallow. A reaction occurs between the lemon juice and the cream that creates a texture similar to cottage cheese. Good for arrogant bro/dudes who think they can drink anything.
Ben
May 15th, 2009 - 10:07:40 AM
The last time I had a dirty pint (mucky pint) it kinda went, drink, drink, drink, dirty pint, **scene missing**, vomiting out of my bedroom window with my girlfriend throwing up on my bed. Fun times. We used to go to a club that did pint's of Long Island Iced Tea, for those who don't know you make em with Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, Triple-sec and coke, oh and maybe some lemon and/or lime. 2 pints of that is enough to devastate most people, and it tastes great too.
john
May 15th, 2009 - 10:14:34 AM
hartz attack: ice 1/2 pint MD 20/20 1/2 pint Rockstar
J-Man
May 15th, 2009 - 10:14:50 AM
Our "dare" drink was the Sweaty Mexican. Put about 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a shot glass, than about 30 shakes of Tabasco, and then fill with cheap tequila. The salt coats your mouth and throat and makes the Tabasco stick and hurt forever. Oh yeah, the person drinking it can't know what's in it or its no fun.
cymon
May 15th, 2009 - 10:17:29 AM
#5 Was known as Fader-ade to us
josh is incorrect is WRONG
May 15th, 2009 - 10:29:14 AM
nah man the point isn't in the name. We call that shit peppermint patty shots. Call it anything you want. Peppermint Schnapps + Whip Cream + Chocolate syrup = amazing. I just saw they were missing a part and pointed it out because its so much better that way. I wasn't incorrect, i was jus sayin how i make that drink.
Danny
May 15th, 2009 - 10:29:23 AM
Inspired by Tucker Max's Death Mix, I call it the Sneaky Bastard. 2 parts Gatorade (Lemon-Lime) 1 part RedBull 1 part Citrus Smirnoff The citrus and gatorade are indistinguishable. Just ask my roommate after I spiked the remaining gatorade with some citrus smirnoff. He chugged it and had no idea until he couldn't walk straight a bit later... And the redbull? That is so you can maintain some sanity.
420am
May 15th, 2009 - 10:31:20 AM
In reference to your Lazy Susan recipe.. a cheap rum would be Admiral Nelson.. Saying 'cheap' implies that it's an inferior rum to me. Sailor Jerry is not inferior rum. It's leaps above Captian Morgan.. smoother.. higher alcohol content. They should be paying me for as many people as I've got to switch from Morgan to Sailor Jerry. Otherwise.. some interesting recipes. Well done.
Paul
May 15th, 2009 - 10:55:44 AM
the Hiroshima shot of sake with a cigarette ashed out in it drank one of those once
adam ryan
May 15th, 2009 - 11:05:46 AM
what about the Hyper Viper? 1/2 King Cobra malt liquor 1/2 Sparks total cost at a chicago liquor store: $4.25 but since Sparks removed the taurine and caffiene outta the beverage this is a dead drink.
Wads
May 15th, 2009 - 11:18:05 AM
I thought he said "cheap" liquor? I don't think you will find any of the liquors mentioned on the bottom shelf. (well, maybe the peppermint schnapps) Hasn't anyone tried shots of just Everclear and fruit punch? I've died twice from those.
beboo
May 15th, 2009 - 11:30:11 AM
Adios Motherfucker 1/2 oz Vodka 1/2 oz Rum 1/2 oz Tequila 1/2 oz Gin 1/2 oz Blue Curacao 2 oz Sour mix 2 oz 7-Up
Jonathan
May 15th, 2009 - 11:49:08 AM
Star Bellied Sneach 1 part rum 1 part jim beam 1 part lemon juice 1 part Toroni caremel coffee flavoring 1 part whipcream 1 part hot sauce Created the day after moving into our first apartment, it was all we had to use. Drink it when watching the Sneaches and drink whenever you hear the words "Star Bellied Sneach"
Habeeb
May 15th, 2009 - 11:50:04 AM
The Quantum Leap looks like the worst drink I can imagine. No, wait. Add midori to it. Then it's the worst drink I can imagine. Let this be a lesson: never mix two primary spirits.
boob
May 15th, 2009 - 11:52:56 AM
Vodka mixed Gatorade is what I called (and still do) Faderade
Jon
May 15th, 2009 - 11:54:14 AM
*stands up and salutes*
taelor
May 15th, 2009 - 11:59:08 AM
this one goes out the some of the old regulars at spankies, www.spankies.net The Turkey Joe 1/2 shot of wild turkey, by itself (1 oz) 1 shot of scalding hot coffee 1/2 shot of Jose Cuervo (1 oz) 3 shot glasses lined up, taken in succession, one right after the other. The coffee takes away any burn you would otherwise feel from the booze. You rock Joe (and Zak)
Anonymous
May 15th, 2009 - 12:00:20 PM
Adios Motherfucker 1/2 oz Vodka 1/2 oz Rum 1/2 oz Tequila 1/2 oz Gin 1/2 oz Blue Curacao 2 oz Sour mix 2 oz 7-Up AKA Blue Valium, sorry bro, this one's been around for awhile.
Will
May 15th, 2009 - 12:08:03 PM
The Dirty Bathtub Pint filled with ice 3-5 shots of any cheap Vodka mixed with an equal number of shot of sour mix topped off with Coke. This is crazy delicious!
Oz
May 15th, 2009 - 12:20:47 PM
The Piss Test a shot I made up with a few of the random liquors I have 1/2 Pisco 1/2 Limoncello dash lemon juice Pisco is a strange-tasting South American spirit. The limoncello gives it a yellow color, and lemon juice adds a little zing. Looks like pee and tastes kinda funny. Probably hilarious if served in a specimen cup.
Dolf
May 15th, 2009 - 12:32:06 PM
Let us not forget the Jersey Turnpike: Take one soggy bar towel. And one shot or rocks glass. Wring out the towel into the shot glass. Serve to the homeless guy who won't leave the bar or the drunkest asshole trying to get one for the road after last call.
Mason
May 15th, 2009 - 12:34:36 PM
Three wisemen 1oz Jack 1oz Jim 1oz Jose triple shot... tequila and wisky mix... ugh
Alex Phannenstiel
May 15th, 2009 - 12:42:03 PM
Number 5 is actually called a "fade-orade" and how the hell did you miss the most infamous birthday shot of them all?! The Three Wisemen...a fabulous blend of Jose, Jack and Capt. Mo, all in one tiny little shot glass.
Paco Verde
May 15th, 2009 - 1:02:17 PM
Skip and Go Naked... 12 Coors Light Fifth of Vodka 4 Cans of Lemonade Concentrate Tons of Ice Mix it all up in a cooler. It's ridiculously good and everyone is sure to ave a good time
Tony
May 15th, 2009 - 1:08:34 PM
Advanced Jager Bomb 1 part Sparx+ (has to be + unless you have a vagina) 1 part Jager Captain Jack's Columbian Adventure 1 shot Cpt Morgan 1shot Jack Daniel small coffee from a gas station
pkp
May 15th, 2009 - 1:21:01 PM
Evil Mimosa 1 handle everclear 1 handle cheap vodka 2 bags of ice 2 gallons of sunny D 6 liters of fresca 2 gallons of water 1 full tub of tang powder Mix it up on a large gatorade bucket, enjoy
required
May 15th, 2009 - 1:41:38 PM
boo. all of these drinks are retarded, and this writer sucks.
wtf?
May 15th, 2009 - 1:48:37 PM
wtf, why do most of them have food in them? So i have to watch a fucking stupid show, and eat whipped cream to have a shot of peppermint shnapps? .... "If you can drink this, Dean Stockwell will advise you to leap into the next body, as your job is done here." who the fuck is Dean Stockwell? and no im not going to look it up, fuck you and shitty article.
Ned Hepburn
May 15th, 2009 - 2:17:11 PM
yeah this writer can't write for shit! git-r-dun! who's Dean Stockwell? shit, man, i dont know! i dont use that dern Google machine! y'hear Palin is running in 2012? shiiiit i'd fill her out like an application. until then i'll just post derogatory comments on a webpage to validate my existence! yuuuup. shit, all i do all day is take the internet too seriously and look at my favorite magazine: Guns 'N Ammo 'N Titties. i can't believe some writer somewhere made up a list of silly drinks! what a sticky pickle son-bitch.
all politics aside
May 15th, 2009 - 7:15:29 PM
vodka and blue gatoraid sonic screwdriver.
Bargle M.U.
May 15th, 2009 - 8:03:51 PM
In regards to the gambler, you got to college and didn't realize you ca'nt half fill a glass with three things! Too much vodka
Marshall
May 15th, 2009 - 11:21:52 PM
The Helen Keller. While everyone in the bar screams, the bartender is spun around 5-10 times (more or less depending on how much they've drank) then while blindfolded, they have to choose 3 liquors and 1 mixer from the rail and make a shot or drink for a customer for $3... That cost stays the same no matter what ends up in the glass.
big tex
May 15th, 2009 - 11:23:20 PM
This is how we play in Texas. SuperBeer Vodka + Beer EverBeer Everclear + Beer Fireball Shot, half Hot Damn or Goldshchlager, half Tabasco sauce.
Aly
May 16th, 2009 - 10:39:57 AM
Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker (had to do one of these on my 19th birthday) One shot glass 1/3 Jack Daniels 1/3 Tequila 1/3 151 Rum
employee clockin clockout
May 17th, 2009 - 5:48:28 PM
I just drank beer and cheap whiskey in college.
Bri
May 18th, 2009 - 8:22:07 PM
Jake - did we go to college together? Hell yeah, beer vodka and lemonade would f you up!! Just don't use Olympia beer...sh*t water for a week
Alex
May 18th, 2009 - 11:12:27 PM
We used to drink Cement Mixers until we puked. Equal parts Baily's or other Irish Creme and Rosa's Lime Juice! You almost have to chew.
AJ
May 20th, 2009 - 7:26:43 AM
Here's two that only someone who is already obliterated will drink: Vagina on Rye (created by a friend of mine) 1 part Jim Beam 1 part Grand Mariner 1 part Tuna Oil give it to the drunk guy, and he'll understand why its called a Vagina on Rye Then there's my personal favorite: Jaeger & Mayo (you figure this one out)
Kris
May 21st, 2009 - 10:01:38 AM
Nothing beats a Bar-mat special. This is a torturous drink specifically for 21st birthdays. It is the last drink of the night because the bartender has to take the rubber mat/trough on the bar and pour its' contents into a glass. After doing one of these I ended up being choked out from the backseat of a car while in the passenger seat and attempting to throw a cell phone out an open car door while doing 80 MPH on a San Diego freeway. So its a rough one.
Matt
May 21st, 2009 - 11:03:50 AM
Some drinks I've invented(or made without realising it existed): 1: Absinthe(the real one) and Yakult(yes, the good bacteria) in equal parts. (more of a shot than drink) 2: Get 2 litres of Vodka and 1 litre of Squash juice drink concentrate(preferably peach).. this is drunk like a punch not a single drink... unless you want to ;D 3. Get a big glass fill it 1/2 white wine(sparkling if possible) then 1/4 southern comfort & 1/4 lemonade. (drink in a hot tub) 4. I called this one the Mint Humbug for the reason its tastes like it. Well these are the ingredients that i can remember... there were a lot more the first time i made it... but thats lost in my booze blackout vault. You need: Vodka, Gin, Melon Liqueur, Mint Liqueur & tropical fruit juice. Mix it with lots of Vodka and Gin, slightly less Melon and then half the amount used for melon for Mint. Top up with the Juice. Best made Strong like all drinks :) 5. Simple half arsed white russian: Vodka & Milk 6. Put your straight cheap Vodka in a wine glass.. it makes it feel better lol. ..cant be bothered anymore... too hungover.
Katzilla
May 21st, 2009 - 12:08:40 PM
Apple Butter Shots. 1/2 shot Buttershots 1/2 shot Green Apple Pucker. You can drink these like water and get trashed quickly, the combined sweetness makes them taste great and you don't even notice the alcohol.
Jonny Q
May 21st, 2009 - 2:50:35 PM
Try the redneck pickup bomb: A pint glass filled with Steel Reserve Malt Liquor, a shot of (cheap) whiskey dumped in with a squeeze of lime and, optionally, an umbrella. Chug.
Erin W.
May 21st, 2009 - 3:32:19 PM
The Screaming Nazi 1/2 oz Jager 1/2 oz Rumplemintz My husband got so trashed on these one night he was puking in his sleep. And for some reason before passing out he took the sheets off the bed... Ever try to drunkenly flip a mattress? Not fun.
crackbabyshot
May 21st, 2009 - 5:50:15 PM
Not exactly a hard drink to get down in itself. But a Tequila stuntman. Rail a line of salt, squirt the lime in your eye and then do the shot of tequila
jane
May 21st, 2009 - 6:21:00 PM
Apple Pie shots: Lick a body part. Sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon, and put a squirt of whipped cream next to it. Pour a glass of apple cider, and pour a shot of vanilla vodka (regular vodka works too, just not as well). In this order: Lick the cinnamon and whipped cream Shot the vodka Drink the cider
horribilis
May 21st, 2009 - 8:39:07 PM
I'm amazed nobody mentioned Purple Jesus, which is two parts Welch's grape juice or equivalent to one part Everclear. When you puke on something, it stays purple ever after.
davidhc3
May 22nd, 2009 - 4:06:45 PM
The BMW cocktail 1/3 of Bayleys 1/3 of Malibu 1/3 of Whiskey
joe dingus
May 22nd, 2009 - 10:00:27 PM
I call straight bullshit. You are all amateurs. Not one real drink. Try a steve....mountain dew and beefeater, as many equal parts as you can handle. Fags.
Brian
May 24th, 2009 - 10:55:17 PM
The Smirnoff and Gatorade has been a staple of mine for years, though I've always called it the "Fade-orade."
Bob
May 26th, 2009 - 5:13:08 PM
#5 The Gambler is better with Everclear instead of the weak vodka. When mixed with Gatorade it doesnt give you a hangover =D
Neensenuh
September 27th, 2009 - 4:15:34 AM
Thank you for great post!
gerard
November 9th, 2009 - 9:39:33 PM
hey joe dingus, i call bullshit on you. I like how you heartily stated that everclear was not a real drink, and then substituted it with mountain dew and gin. 1. Looks Like Soda 2. Smells Like a Pine Scented Air Freshener 3. Tastes Like a Wine Cooler Now those are three signs of a bitch if i've ever seen them...but don't worry, no one's judging
iceman
November 12th, 2009 - 1:53:07 PM
"ballpond ice tea" same thing as long islan ice t but topped off with jaeger! begin you night with it!