Top 5 Of The Gnarliest College Drinks Known To Man

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By Ned on May 14, 2009

gnarlies-drinks-1

The world is full of rough drinks. As most of us can attest to, we’ve all been at “that point” somewhere in our early years – the point where you only have cheap alcohol and hardly anything to mix it with. These are the drinks that put hair on your chest and gravel in your voice. They are also the stupidest drinks known to man – but really, is there anything more freeing than being broke and happy? You got to be like the MacGuyver of alcohol there for a little while. Or maybe you still are. I know a guy that can make a great cocktail out of D-grade vodka and a whole orange and a handful of ice cubes and some hot sauce, no joke.

And they’re also the most thoroughly fun to make, too. There’s nothing – absolutely nothing – more aggravating than a bartender (or “mixologist”) that takes themselves too seriously. While I love a well made Jack & Coke, I also enjoy the weird drinks that only three guys know to make. Guys with scars and beards and stories – not some white collar jackass who took a class on bar-tending at the YMCA.

While this list is here for humorous purposes, these are all drinks that we here at Manolith have actually made at some point in our lives. So, enjoy.

5. The Gambler

the-gambler-drink-1

While in college I had a speciality drink I called “The Gambler” (named after the Kenny Rogers opus). It consisted of:

  • Half filling the glass with ice
  • Half filling the glass with Smirnoff
  • Half filling the rest with blue Gatorade. Only blue. No other kind worked.

4. The Lazy Susan

the-lazy_susan-1

  • Fill a glass with crushed ice.
  • One can of Dr Pepper. Fill glass 3/4 of the way, drink the rest of what is left in the can.
  • Fill the rest of the glass with cheap rum.
  • Unwrap a Hostess™ Sno-Ball. Preferably the pink one.
  • Take a large swig of your drink, and follow it with a large bite of the Sno-Ball. The trick is to finish both at the same time.

3. The Intervention.

the-intervention-1

Modified from the popular joke about the sexual position. Google it. My boss would shoot me point blank if I typed out the whole thing.

This particular drink has a history of a bet I lost while watching a certain episode of A&E’s “Intervention”. However, it’s a lot of fun.

  • You will need one bottle of Peppermint Schnapps, and one can full of whipped cream, and a TV showing “Intervention”. That is how the original game was played – in a basement apartment, too.
  • Take shots of Peppermint Schnapps alternated with a mouthful of whipped cream every time a family member cries.

2. The Bacontini

bacontini-1

This was made after me and my roommate at the time had literally nothing to do nor drink except the ingredients to a martini and bacon. I’ve actually seen this served in a real bar in New York – somewhat different.

  • Cook 3 strips of bacon until crisp.
  • Immediately eat one. Why? Just because.
  • Crumble up the second one, put into ice in the Martini shaker.
  • Strain the gin and vermouth through one of those Martini shaker things.
  • Place other bacon strip into this new drink.
  • Congratulate yourself.

1. The Quantum Leap

quantum-leap-1

  • One tall can of PBR
  • One shot of vodka.
  • One shot of Jack Daniels.
  • One half can of Red Bull.
  • Mix.
  • Drink.
  • If you can drink this, Dean Stockwell will advise you to leap into the next body, as your job is done here.

(Photo By Tranchis and NoalseGolden)

Reader Comments

  1. AV May 14, 2009 - 3:35 pm

    The bacontini is quite possibly the only thing that makes me miss drinking. But I’d shake it with vodka and hold the vermouth.

  2. Mayor McCheese May 14, 2009 - 5:22 pm

    The Wet Cigarette
    Jack D and Monster in Equal parts

  3. SnapJones May 14, 2009 - 10:17 pm

    Damn, I’m in college now and “The Quantum Leap” sounds destructive. I’m trying it tomorrow thanks! If I die, I’m sure you’ll hear about it on the news.

  4. Welly May 15, 2009 - 9:15 am

    College students in the USA need to be introduced to the concept known as the “Mucky Pint”. This is a traditional birthday drink that has been around since before the USA was a twinkle in the milkman’s eye.

    For example, a mucky pint has been described as “half a Guinness with stuff like Baileys, Goldschlaeger (?), Vodka sidekicks and anything else to make the Guinness curdle, topped up until it became a pint. It is fucking disgusting.”

    There is no real, defined recipe for the mucky pint, it’s simply a concoction of different alcohols that do not go together, served in a pint glass (a British 568ml pint glass, not a girlie US 473ml pint) and downed. It is always downed. This is not a sippin’ drink.

  5. John JONES May 15, 2009 - 9:15 am

    Wow that Lazy Susan looks good!

    RT
    http://www.whos-watching.net.tc

  6. Mike May 15, 2009 - 9:25 am

    The Gambler?? Gnarly?? I’ve seen middle schoolers invent better ways to hide vodka.

  7. josh May 15, 2009 - 9:25 am

    Nah.. the intervention is supposed to be done with chocolate syrup too. its AMAZING with chocolate syrup. You have them sit in a chair with their head leaned back and then three people simulatneously pour the peppermint schnapps, whip cream, and chocolate syrup into their mouth for like 5 seconds. you can barely taste the alcohol and its fantastic!!! try it, let me know.

  8. gO May 15, 2009 - 9:27 am

    One time we mixed everclear with blue pucker and called it love juice. As it turned out, it didn’t create any love at all. Instead my friend and I got into a fight cause he hit me in the head with a thrown shoe. Then we punched a hole in his wall.

  9. josh is incorrect May 15, 2009 - 9:29 am

    Josh, with chocolate syrup it’s called a dirty girl scout, not an intervention.

  10. darthnuri May 15, 2009 - 9:29 am

    Isn’t the gambler more popularly known as a “Faderade”?

  11. josh is incorrect May 15, 2009 - 9:31 am

    Also, I wouldn’t exactly call Sailor Jerry’s cheap rum, where I live it goes for about 20$ a bottle…

  12. UKstudent May 15, 2009 - 9:33 am

    I’ve had a dirty pint only twice. It’s horrible…

    It consists of a pint glass that gets filled with a shot of everything behind the bar, especially drinks that don’t go together, keep putting in more shots until the pint glass is filled.

    It is not wise to drink this at all, but if you have to, don’t drink anything else the entire night…

  13. Jake May 15, 2009 - 9:51 am

    Here’s what we used to do in college when we had no more than 20$ between 10+ people:

    1 case of the cheapest beer you can find
    1 handle of the cheapest vodka you can find
    1-2 things of lemonade mix

    Mix the beer and vodka in a big cooler. Stir in lemonade mix until you can’t taste anything but sugar and lemons.

  14. Timothy Moody May 15, 2009 - 9:55 am

    What about the Concrete Mixer?

    Ingredients:
    2 parts Bailey’s Irish Cream
    1 part lemon juice.

    Mix this around in your mouth then swallow. A reaction occurs between the lemon juice and the cream that creates a texture similar to cottage cheese. Good for arrogant bro/dudes who think they can drink anything.

  15. Ben May 15, 2009 - 10:07 am

    The last time I had a dirty pint (mucky pint) it kinda went, drink, drink, drink, dirty pint, **scene missing**, vomiting out of my bedroom window with my girlfriend throwing up on my bed.

    Fun times.

    We used to go to a club that did pint’s of Long Island Iced Tea, for those who don’t know you make em with Vodka, Gin, Rum, Tequila, Triple-sec and coke, oh and maybe some lemon and/or lime. 2 pints of that is enough to devastate most people, and it tastes great too.

  16. john May 15, 2009 - 10:14 am

    hartz attack:

    ice
    1/2 pint MD 20/20
    1/2 pint Rockstar

  17. J-Man May 15, 2009 - 10:14 am

    Our “dare” drink was the Sweaty Mexican. Put about 1/2 teaspoon of salt in a shot glass, than about 30 shakes of Tabasco, and then fill with cheap tequila. The salt coats your mouth and throat and makes the Tabasco stick and hurt forever. Oh yeah, the person drinking it can’t know what’s in it or its no fun.

  18. cymon May 15, 2009 - 10:17 am

    #5 Was known as Fader-ade to us

  19. josh is incorrect is WRONG May 15, 2009 - 10:29 am

    nah man the point isn’t in the name. We call that shit peppermint patty shots. Call it anything you want. Peppermint Schnapps + Whip Cream + Chocolate syrup = amazing. I just saw they were missing a part and pointed it out because its so much better that way. I wasn’t incorrect, i was jus sayin how i make that drink.

  20. Danny May 15, 2009 - 10:29 am

    Inspired by Tucker Max’s Death Mix, I call it the Sneaky Bastard.

    2 parts Gatorade (Lemon-Lime)
    1 part RedBull
    1 part Citrus Smirnoff

    The citrus and gatorade are indistinguishable. Just ask my roommate after I spiked the remaining gatorade with some citrus smirnoff. He chugged it and had no idea until he couldn’t walk straight a bit later…

    And the redbull? That is so you can maintain some sanity.

  21. 420am May 15, 2009 - 10:31 am

    In reference to your Lazy Susan recipe.. a cheap rum would be Admiral Nelson.. Saying ‘cheap’ implies that it’s an inferior rum to me. Sailor Jerry is not inferior rum. It’s leaps above Captian Morgan.. smoother.. higher alcohol content. They should be paying me for as many people as I’ve got to switch from Morgan to Sailor Jerry.

    Otherwise.. some interesting recipes. Well done.

  22. Paul May 15, 2009 - 10:55 am

    the Hiroshima

    shot of sake with a cigarette ashed out in it drank one of those once

  23. adam ryan May 15, 2009 - 11:05 am

    what about the Hyper Viper?

    1/2 King Cobra malt liquor
    1/2 Sparks
    total cost at a chicago liquor store: $4.25

    but since Sparks removed the taurine and caffiene outta the beverage this is a dead drink.

  24. Wads May 15, 2009 - 11:18 am

    I thought he said “cheap” liquor? I don’t think you will find any of the liquors mentioned on the bottom shelf. (well, maybe the peppermint schnapps)

    Hasn’t anyone tried shots of just Everclear and fruit punch? I’ve died twice from those.

  25. beboo May 15, 2009 - 11:30 am

    Adios Motherfucker

    1/2 oz Vodka
    1/2 oz Rum
    1/2 oz Tequila
    1/2 oz Gin
    1/2 oz Blue Curacao
    2 oz Sour mix
    2 oz 7-Up

  26. Jonathan May 15, 2009 - 11:49 am

    Star Bellied Sneach

    1 part rum
    1 part jim beam
    1 part lemon juice
    1 part Toroni caremel coffee flavoring
    1 part whipcream
    1 part hot sauce

    Created the day after moving into our first apartment, it was all we had to use.

    Drink it when watching the Sneaches and drink whenever you hear the words “Star Bellied Sneach”

  27. Habeeb May 15, 2009 - 11:50 am

    The Quantum Leap looks like the worst drink I can imagine. No, wait. Add midori to it. Then it’s the worst drink I can imagine.

    Let this be a lesson: never mix two primary spirits.

  28. boob May 15, 2009 - 11:52 am

    Vodka mixed Gatorade is what I called (and still do) Faderade

  29. Jon May 15, 2009 - 11:54 am

    *stands up and salutes*

  30. taelor May 15, 2009 - 11:59 am

    this one goes out the some of the old regulars at spankies, http://www.spankies.net

    The Turkey Joe
    1/2 shot of wild turkey, by itself (1 oz)
    1 shot of scalding hot coffee
    1/2 shot of Jose Cuervo (1 oz)

    3 shot glasses lined up, taken in succession, one right after the other. The coffee takes away any burn you would otherwise feel from the booze.

    You rock Joe (and Zak)

  31. Anonymous May 15, 2009 - 12:00 pm

    Adios Motherfucker

    1/2 oz Vodka
    1/2 oz Rum
    1/2 oz Tequila
    1/2 oz Gin
    1/2 oz Blue Curacao
    2 oz Sour mix
    2 oz 7-Up

    AKA Blue Valium, sorry bro, this one’s been around for awhile.

  32. Will May 15, 2009 - 12:08 pm

    The Dirty Bathtub

    Pint filled with ice
    3-5 shots of any cheap Vodka mixed with an equal number of shot of sour mix topped off with Coke. This is crazy delicious!

  33. Oz May 15, 2009 - 12:20 pm

    The Piss Test

    a shot I made up with a few of the random liquors I have

    1/2 Pisco
    1/2 Limoncello
    dash lemon juice

    Pisco is a strange-tasting South American spirit. The limoncello gives it a yellow color, and lemon juice adds a little zing. Looks like pee and tastes kinda funny. Probably hilarious if served in a specimen cup.

  34. Dolf May 15, 2009 - 12:32 pm

    Let us not forget the Jersey Turnpike:

    Take one soggy bar towel. And one shot or rocks glass.
    Wring out the towel into the shot glass. Serve to the homeless guy who won’t leave the bar or the drunkest asshole trying to get one for the road after last call.

  35. Mason May 15, 2009 - 12:34 pm

    Three wisemen

    1oz Jack
    1oz Jim
    1oz Jose

    triple shot… tequila and wisky mix… ugh

  36. Alex Phannenstiel May 15, 2009 - 12:42 pm

    Number 5 is actually called a “fade-orade” and how the hell did you miss the most infamous birthday shot of them all?! The Three Wisemen…a fabulous blend of Jose, Jack and Capt. Mo, all in one tiny little shot glass.

  37. Paco Verde May 15, 2009 - 1:02 pm

    Skip and Go Naked…

    12 Coors Light
    Fifth of Vodka
    4 Cans of Lemonade Concentrate
    Tons of Ice

    Mix it all up in a cooler.

    It’s ridiculously good and everyone is sure to ave a good time

  38. Tony May 15, 2009 - 1:08 pm

    Advanced Jager Bomb

    1 part Sparx+ (has to be + unless you have a vagina)
    1 part Jager

    Captain Jack’s Columbian Adventure

    1 shot Cpt Morgan
    1shot Jack Daniel
    small coffee from a gas station

  39. pkp May 15, 2009 - 1:21 pm

    Evil Mimosa

    1 handle everclear
    1 handle cheap vodka
    2 bags of ice
    2 gallons of sunny D
    6 liters of fresca
    2 gallons of water
    1 full tub of tang powder

    Mix it up on a large gatorade bucket, enjoy

  40. required May 15, 2009 - 1:41 pm

    boo. all of these drinks are retarded, and this writer sucks.

  41. wtf? May 15, 2009 - 1:48 pm

    wtf, why do most of them have food in them? So i have to watch a fucking stupid show, and eat whipped cream to have a shot of peppermint shnapps? …. “If you can drink this, Dean Stockwell will advise you to leap into the next body, as your job is done here.” who the fuck is Dean Stockwell? and no im not going to look it up, fuck you and shitty article.

  42. Ned Hepburn May 15, 2009 - 2:17 pm

    yeah this writer can’t write for shit! git-r-dun! who’s Dean Stockwell? shit, man, i dont know! i dont use that dern Google machine!

    y’hear Palin is running in 2012? shiiiit i’d fill her out like an application. until then i’ll just post derogatory comments on a webpage to validate my existence! yuuuup.

    shit, all i do all day is take the internet too seriously and look at my favorite magazine: Guns ‘N Ammo ‘N Titties. i can’t believe some writer somewhere made up a list of silly drinks! what a sticky pickle son-bitch.

  43. all politics aside May 15, 2009 - 7:15 pm

    vodka and blue gatoraid sonic screwdriver.

  44. Bargle M.U. May 15, 2009 - 8:03 pm

    In regards to the gambler, you got to college and didn’t realize you ca’nt half fill a glass with three things! Too much vodka

  45. Marshall May 15, 2009 - 11:21 pm

    The Helen Keller. While everyone in the bar screams, the bartender is spun around 5-10 times (more or less depending on how much they’ve drank) then while blindfolded, they have to choose 3 liquors and 1 mixer from the rail and make a shot or drink for a customer for $3… That cost stays the same no matter what ends up in the glass.

  46. big tex May 15, 2009 - 11:23 pm

    This is how we play in Texas.

    SuperBeer
    Vodka + Beer

    EverBeer
    Everclear + Beer

    Fireball
    Shot, half Hot Damn or Goldshchlager, half Tabasco sauce.

  47. Aly May 16, 2009 - 10:39 am

    Rocky Mountain Bear Fucker
    (had to do one of these on my 19th birthday)

    One shot glass
    1/3 Jack Daniels
    1/3 Tequila
    1/3 151 Rum

  48. employee clockin clockout May 17, 2009 - 5:48 pm

    I just drank beer and cheap whiskey in college.

  49. Bri May 18, 2009 - 8:22 pm

    Jake – did we go to college together? Hell yeah, beer vodka and lemonade would f you up!! Just don’t use Olympia beer…sh*t water for a week

  50. Alex May 18, 2009 - 11:12 pm

    We used to drink Cement Mixers until we puked.

    Equal parts Baily’s or other Irish Creme and Rosa’s Lime Juice!

    You almost have to chew.

  51. AJ May 20, 2009 - 7:26 am

    Here’s two that only someone who is already obliterated will drink:

    Vagina on Rye (created by a friend of mine)

    1 part Jim Beam
    1 part Grand Mariner
    1 part Tuna Oil

    give it to the drunk guy, and he’ll understand why its called a Vagina on Rye

    Then there’s my personal favorite:

    Jaeger & Mayo (you figure this one out)

  52. Kris May 21, 2009 - 10:01 am

    Nothing beats a Bar-mat special. This is a torturous drink specifically for 21st birthdays. It is the last drink of the night because the bartender has to take the rubber mat/trough on the bar and pour its’ contents into a glass.

    After doing one of these I ended up being choked out from the backseat of a car while in the passenger seat and attempting to throw a cell phone out an open car door while doing 80 MPH on a San Diego freeway. So its a rough one.

  53. Matt May 21, 2009 - 11:03 am

    Some drinks I’ve invented(or made without realising it existed):

    1: Absinthe(the real one) and Yakult(yes, the good bacteria) in equal parts. (more of a shot than drink)

    2: Get 2 litres of Vodka and 1 litre of Squash juice drink concentrate(preferably peach).. this is drunk like a punch not a single drink… unless you want to ;D

    3. Get a big glass fill it 1/2 white wine(sparkling if possible) then 1/4 southern comfort & 1/4 lemonade. (drink in a hot tub)

    4. I called this one the Mint Humbug for the reason its tastes like it. Well these are the ingredients that i can remember… there were a lot more the first time i made it… but thats lost in my booze blackout vault.
    You need:
    Vodka, Gin, Melon Liqueur, Mint Liqueur & tropical fruit juice.
    Mix it with lots of Vodka and Gin, slightly less Melon and then half the amount used for melon for Mint. Top up with the Juice. Best made Strong like all drinks :)

    5. Simple half arsed white russian: Vodka & Milk

    6. Put your straight cheap Vodka in a wine glass.. it makes it feel better lol.

    ..cant be bothered anymore… too hungover.

  54. Katzilla May 21, 2009 - 12:08 pm

    Apple Butter Shots.

    1/2 shot Buttershots
    1/2 shot Green Apple Pucker.

    You can drink these like water and get trashed quickly, the combined sweetness makes them taste great and you don’t even notice the alcohol.

  55. Jonny Q May 21, 2009 - 2:50 pm

    Try the redneck pickup bomb:

    A pint glass filled with Steel Reserve Malt Liquor, a shot of (cheap) whiskey dumped in with a squeeze of lime and, optionally, an umbrella. Chug.

  56. Erin W. May 21, 2009 - 3:32 pm

    The Screaming Nazi

    1/2 oz Jager
    1/2 oz Rumplemintz

    My husband got so trashed on these one night he was puking in his sleep. And for some reason before passing out he took the sheets off the bed… Ever try to drunkenly flip a mattress? Not fun.

  57. crackbabyshot May 21, 2009 - 5:50 pm

    Not exactly a hard drink to get down in itself. But a Tequila stuntman.

    Rail a line of salt, squirt the lime in your eye and then do the shot of tequila

  58. jane May 21, 2009 - 6:21 pm

    Apple Pie shots:

    Lick a body part. Sprinkle a little bit of cinnamon, and put a squirt of whipped cream next to it. Pour a glass of apple cider, and pour a shot of vanilla vodka (regular vodka works too, just not as well). In this order:

    Lick the cinnamon and whipped cream
    Shot the vodka
    Drink the cider

  59. horribilis May 21, 2009 - 8:39 pm

    I’m amazed nobody mentioned Purple Jesus, which is two parts Welch’s grape juice or equivalent to one part Everclear. When you puke on something, it stays purple ever after.

  60. davidhc3 May 22, 2009 - 4:06 pm

    The BMW cocktail
    1/3 of Bayleys
    1/3 of Malibu
    1/3 of Whiskey

  61. joe dingus May 22, 2009 - 10:00 pm

    I call straight bullshit. You are all amateurs. Not one real drink. Try a steve….mountain dew and beefeater, as many equal parts as you can handle. Fags.

  62. Brian May 24, 2009 - 10:55 pm

    The Smirnoff and Gatorade has been a staple of mine for years, though I’ve always called it the “Fade-orade.”

  63. Bob May 26, 2009 - 5:13 pm

    #5 The Gambler is better with Everclear instead of the weak vodka. When mixed with Gatorade it doesnt give you a hangover =D

  64. Neensenuh September 27, 2009 - 4:15 am

    Thank you for great post!

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