Occasional here at Manolith, Sean, our editor, slides something across my desk that catches my eye.
After Sean removed all the Zac Efron memorabilia and my vast collection of used Funyun packets, he handed me a dossier of this. It’s underwear, folks. Glorious, glorious boxer briefs for all of us. And whats more! It comes in three different lengths. Persay you were going to dig a trench: perhaps the 3 inch length legs would be good for that full tan you’re trying to get before the summer. If you were going to
a) become an Axl Rose impersonator or
b) run very fast and didn’t want what I call “ball danglage”, you’d want the full 9 inch length.
These would bypass the need for biker shorts altogether. In fact, why bother to get anything else? Just buy 8 pairs of these (that’s one more for back-up).
But it gets better. The best thing about these is there is literally a thing called a “performance pouch”. Let me say that again. Performance Pouch. This is why I learned to read, folks. So I could read words like “Performance” and “Pouch” together. What does the Performance Pouch do, you might ask? Well, it ventilates your balls. You wanted to know, so I told you.
These would be ideal if you’re the kind of human being that does more with their lives than sit around playing Xbox. We here at Manolith would recommend them to anyone that has an active lifestyle. The sample pairs they sent us have inspired us to become more active and to have a company wide basketball game clad only in Performance Pouches, brought to you by BoxerJock, a company that cares more about the well being of your balls than you ever did. Why didn’t you get the BoxerJock hype on sooner? Because you’re lazy. Because you don’t want non sweaty balls. Get your hand out of the Cheetos packet and get to a place where BoxerJock products are sold and purchase as many pairs as possible in as many lengths as possible because when these things run out – well – I don’t even want to think about that. Because these are COM-FORT-ABLE. I am so well ventilated I’m not sure I ever want to wear any other sort of underwear for as long as I live. I wonder if you can buy stock in BoxerJock.