Shia LaBeouf Also Transforms … Into A Seriously Creepy Dude

By Akela Talamasca on May 4th, 2009

Shia LaBeouf, aside from having a difficult name to spell, is also the star of the Transformers movie franchise. Apparently, when you hang out with robots all day, you learn a trick or two, because in a recent interview with Playboy magazine, he transforms himself from hot young Hollywood heartthrob to seriously creepy mama’s boy … and not in the good way.

When asked who he considers the sexiest woman, he responds with this gem: “Probably the sexiest woman I know is my mother. She’s an ethereal angel. Nobody looks like that woman. If I could meet my mother and marry her, I would. I would be with my mother now, if she weren’t my mother, as sick as that sounds.”

Pause for applause.

Okay, listen, Shia … may we call you Shia? It’s hard enough to take you seriously when we consider that your Big Screen debut was for a movie called “Holes”, but now this. Dude, there are some things that you just gotta keep to yourself, y’know? Hey, it’s great that you love your mother. But to paraphrase Janeane Garofalo, you can love your mother, just don’t love your mother, couldja? Reading about how she used to walk around the house naked all the time, even with your friends over, gave us the willies — do we really have to now imagine how you’d like to be her little Shia Pet? All we’re saying is that there are better ways to have said what you did, without making the rest of the country throw up in their mouths a little. Hey, don’t worry, we still like you, and on the positive side, you’ve just made it perfectly clear to the nation’s eligible women exactly what you like in a woman: the same genetic profile. Kudos, sir.