Lets be real, folks. I don’t understand the appeal of Christina. Yes, she has a brilliant voice. Yes, 75% of the time she looks great (the other 25% of the time she looks like she has clown make-up on). And yes, she can sing like an angel one second and like a devil the next. But past that, I don’t see what all the fuss is about.
She first appeared with “Genie In A Bottle” – one of those late 90’s / early 2000’s cultural moments when everyone collectively stood together and said “yup, she’s a genie alright. I’ll believe it”. And lo, a star was born. That star ran second fiddle to Britney Spears, sadly, and despite Christina’s far superior pipes, Britney won the battle of “Which Mildly Attractive Singer Would You Have Sex With?”. These were the 90’s, folks. Simpler times back then.
And then in the 2000’s she came back with an “Xtina” moniker and a slew of “I’m a total badass” singles that made her look like a badass the same way Stephen Hawking looks like a champion horse jockey. But we got to see her dancing around in hardly any clothes. Which was kind of ok.
But let’s be real here. She wore so little clothes all the time it was tough to take her seriously. In nearly every photo shoot she was close to naked and this made her musical attempts merely serve as cover for her fledgling Giver Of Boners career. And when she finally came out with a classic song (2002’s “Beautiful”), everybody was wondering when she was just gonna take her clothes off. Which was a shame, because the girl is clearly talented. And she married a guy that makes all other “She Married That Guy?” guys breathe a sigh of relief. Look – I know it’s love and all that dumb shit – and I’m sure the dude is really nice and cool and stuff, but really, the guy looks not unlike the night manager at an Arby’s. I’m sorry. I hope he’s not reading this. I plead drunkenness if indeed he or any of his lawyers are reading this.
You can’t fault her, though. Her latest offering was a two disc album, one consisting of 40’s pop standards and the other of whacky 2000’s pop stuff. Needless to say nobody knew what to do with it. She’s straddling the line between serious artist and vaudeville and America plain just don’t know what to think ’bout that girl.
Comments
jake
April 23rd, 2009 - 10:44:35 AM
i must say, she has not aged well. ah well
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JackieC
April 23rd, 2009 - 6:27:19 PM
When I see her I think Lady Gaga even though Christina came before her.
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Allison
April 24th, 2009 - 6:41:25 AM
I'm a fan of Christina, and the reason I like her so much is not only her vocal abilities, but her musical versatility. She can be a pop rival to Britney Spears, then perform with the Rolling Stones and Dr John, and make Etta James covers her own before recording slinky electro songs. I like her because she offers a variety of sounds and styles, and I like a variety of sounds and styles.
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