Mischa, Mischa. What in the world happened?
Babe, you had it all. You were on a (very) hit TV series The OC. You were the spokesperson for Neutrogena. You had the world in the palm of your hand. This very blogger may or may not have stolen a magazine in a drunken moment because you were on the cover. You can’t prove I did. Only me, the store manager of a particular 24 hour chain of convenience stores, and the one dollar bill I slipped him so he wouldn’t call the cops know the real truth about that night.
But I digress. Mischa, you had it all. And then what happened? You started dating loudmouth oil heir Brandon Davis and being drunk all the time, and then you quit your very successful show to do… what, exactly? Star in (count ‘em) three direct to video films? Why’d you go and do a thing like that? And to top it all off you date The High Priest Of Douchebaggery: Cisco Adler? To use a phrase from the Internet: WTF?
Now don’t get me wrong. You still have it in you. I certainley wouldn’t kick you out of bed. You’re still a total babe (if your idea of a babe is someone that looks eerily similar to Falcor from The Neverending Story). There IS a reason that I’m putting you on Chickolith… because you’re still – well, at least you have the capacity to be – a total babe. Now your next step is to stop taking yourself so seriously and start dating dudes who look like they shower.