- Remote MicRemote Mic allows you to place your phone in a room and record it on your computer via wireless internet. Or something. I’m having a hard time writing this as I listen to my room-mate cry and eat at the same time. Is this legal? I’m not sure. All I can hear is him mumble something between bites about “the horror”. Remote Mic costs you a single dollar which is worth the breakups, broken friendships, and sheer disgust as you realize THAT is why your towel smells the way it does after you’ve been away for a week. Oh man. Let’s just delete this one. This is like having the worlds worst super power.
- iSpermiSperm is a game where you navigate a sperm through a fallopian tube to the egg. You have to race all the other sperm. Yes, someone made this. Yes, someone is making money out of this. Yes, I’m a bad person for purchasing this. I went to college. I’ve read books without pictures in them. And yet here I am at 3:40 in the afternoon navigating a sperm through a pink tube. And what for? Where did my life go? I should really call my Grandma and find out how she’s doing. Why am I even thinking about her while playing this? That dollar could’ve gone towards therapy. This is making me judge my sanity. But it’s fun! Nothing like a little self reflection with your iPhone app. I bet the guy two tables down from me at the coffee shop on his Blackberry doesn’t have this. I also bet he has a job and a stable girlfriend.
- Hold Button”Press the button for as long as you can”. That’s all. That’s all, man. I didn’t come into this world expecting to be the next Hemingway. Let’s see how long we can do this. Here we go. And… ok. I’m holding it. Still holding.
Yep. Y’know, someone somewhere put a man on the moon, and I’ve sat here for three whole minutes holding my thumb down on a button. What will I get in return? Nothing. This is the mental equivalent of punching your own face. I’m tired. I want to go do something. But if I take my thumb off this thing I’ll lose. Damn it. Why didn’t I learn how to play the piano? I could be writing a symphony. I wonder how much longer I can keep doing this. Why is the room spinning. This is what the dude from Quantum Leap must’ve felt like. I wonder what my friends are doing. I feel lonely now. I… shit. Took my thumb off. Gosh darn it. Let me try this thing again…
- PullMyFingerIf I press this button right here it makes a farty sound. I thought I was better than this. There’s no cut off point for fart humor, is there? Ok lets try it. *fart*. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh, dude. I’m gonna show Dave. Dave laughed. Let’s show someone else. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ok we’re done here. I can make a fart sound with my forearm. Man, no wonder me and my extended family don’t see eye to eye. Oh well. That was a fun full minute and a half. This app is kind of pointless: in the seven seconds it takes for you to take the thing out of your pocket and open the app and let it load and then press the button I could have made the best fart sound ever with my own mouth. Who wants a drink? Now I need to go talk to someone about politics to make myself feel better.